[amods]

While I'm too introvert to strike conversations and do charity(bit lazy too), my core principle is to be nice to everyone.

Recently I've been trying to tip food delivery guys a 20 or a 50 note whenever I can(read have cash/they accept UPI). This always doesn't work because sometime I hesitate giving 20(when they are dressed nicely and I have only 20/50 cash). But I'm working on it and making it a habit to ALWAYS tip guy toiling on road all day(delivery guy/auto driver/cleaners etc).

Thanks for starting this thread. Hope it becomes contagious

[ArTigor]

Nice thread. A few things from my side.

1- I have the habit of allowing Pedestrians and Cyclists pass when I am on internal roads in cities. Many years ago when once I was riding my Classic 350, I saw a visually impaired man trying to walk through the middle of a two lane undivided road in the middle of a very busy corporate area. It was evening rush hour and people were literally zooming past the man. He could have been hit badly. Immediately took my bike near him, put it on side stand, held his hand, stopped the traffic on either side and took him to the road kerb side and guided him. That's when I realised that there were no footpath and the roads were not universally accessible. Being an Urban Designer, this hit me hard. Went back to my boss, narrated the thing, we ran a campaign for safer street design and the government accepted our ideas. I ended up redesigning the same street and in fact major streets in the city from a universal accessibility and safety perspective. Feeling of nirvana!

2- I always overtake and warn 2 wheeler pillion riders if their saree, dupatta, bags are dangerously close to the rear wheel.

3- If I see a person is in hurry I let them pass by, I don't make it an ego issue. Reason being, we all think most of the time it may be an unruly driver, but even by chance there is a 1% possibility that the person who at the rear is honking and is in a rush maybe in an emergency situation, I do not want to make it worse for them by blocking their way just for my ego.

4- Always ask the auto drivers to keep the change, once I was running short of 7 rupees and autowalla did not have gpay, he said it is okay and left off.

5- Always thank auto, uber, office cab drivers for their service at the end of the journey. They smile back most of the time. This smile can not be valued in terms of money.

6- Help confused passengers at Mumbai local stations. Mumbai local stations can be confusing as hell for new comers, Generally I try to guide any person seeking directions in the most easiest comprehendible manner.

7- Once while travelling from Ahmedabad to Mumbai encountered a Tamil speaking man who had no knowledge of hindi and english. He was seated below my berth in sleeper class. Suddenly some other passenger came and started abusing him that this is not his seat. The Tamil man was clueless. I tried to intervene and checked his PNR status, to which it showed he has been auto upgraded to 3rd AC! Now the task was how to convey this to him. So called up a collegemate who is from Pondicherry. Told her the entire story and she explained it to him in tamil. The man who was a daily wage laborer was afraid to go in 3rd AC thinking he has to pay more, we convinced him that his boss had ticked auto upgradation and that's why he will travel in AC on same ticket. He was a happy and relieved man at the end.

[adisan]

Let me start with an incident when someone else was nice to me.

Several years back, it was a time when nothing much was going my way. Seated in a bus to go to the doctor's office, there was still time before the bus would start its journey. A lady boarded holding a tiny little girl, and sat a couple of seats ahead.

The baby started looking at everything over her mother's shoulder, and eventually saw me. As I gazed back at her, the baby smiled. That somebody looked at me and smiled for no reason made so much of difference to me, that I still remember it occasionally.


For me, the starting point for "being nice" is that it should be a gift given free. I shall not have any expectations of acknowledgements or return gifts of being nice, neither from the recipient, nor from anyone else.

I read long back in Reader's Digest that one can never repay an act of kindness, but only "pay it forward" by being nice tome someone else.

[IndieGooner]

Originally Posted by amods

Recently I've been trying to tip food delivery guys a 20 or a 50 note whenever I can(read have cash/they accept UPI).

Swiggy and Zomato have a feature to add a tip to your bill. Is there a reason why you are paying cash instead of using this? I'm asking since I usually tip this way and if there is a possibility that 100% of my tip is not reaching the delivery guy, I would rather switch to cash like you do.

[amods]

Originally Posted by IndieGooner

Swiggy and Zomato have a feature to add a tip to your bill. Is there a reason why you are paying cash instead of using this? I'm asking since I usually tip this way and if there is a possibility that 100% of my tip is not reaching the delivery guy, I would rather switch to cash like you do.

I don’t trust them a bit with online tips. Even if they do give it to riders, it would not be immediate. Ready cash in hand is always helpful getting a cup of tea/water/petrol quickly. So no online tipping from me.

[dailydriver]

I have my reservations on being nice to everyone, all the time.

That said, Please and Thank You have been part of my daily conversations for as long as I can remember; and every time I speak those words, I totally mean it.

That these gestures do not always get reciprocated is an altogether different matter; the experience spans across all strata of the society - economic, social and age differences not making much of a difference.

x x x x x

As the last few posts have been taking about being nice to delivery men, I would like to recall an experience of a relative who moonlights as one occasionally.

He logs in to shadowfax whenever he is free. While most of his delivery experiences have been good and involve (not every time) tips ranging from five rupees to fifty, he has his share of bad customers too.

One particular case was of a Cash On Delivery food delivery order. He picked up the order, rode nearly six kilometres and landed up in front of the customer's place. The customers were a couple of teens: they first tipped him a twenty in cash and said they would Phone Pe the order amount.

While one boy was engaging the delivery man, the other cancelled the order on the app and started threatening him to hand over the parcel and run for his life.

The delivery guy obviously resisted, but before he could gather his wits, the third boy seized the food packet and took to his heels.

Left with no option other than to report the matter to his employer, our guy returned home empty handed. On further enquiry, he found that the area is notorious for such orders placed using fake/fresh ids and that nothing much has been/could be done to prevent this.

The said order was from KFC and was valued around a thousand bucks.

So, each time one actually honors an online order by paying for it promptly and receiving it with respect, it actually counts as a nice gesture by the hardworking folks.

x x x x x

I do understand the nobility behind this thread and appreciate all acts of kindness recorded here. However, I will be happy to see the day when being nice becomes a way of life.

[Sidjohri]

I'm a complete believer in being nice and kind - to the maximum extent possible. Simply because I too expect kindness and courtesy during my dealing(s) with fellow folks. I cannot define 'being nice' in terms of particular actions or deeds - they vary depending on the situation and need. But I follow one mantra meticulously - always try to be courteous and respectful in my speech. For eg. I have never ever lost my cool at advisors/technicians while getting my vehicle (s) serviced or repaired. Issues if any were always always resolved super peacefully and calmly. I and my cars have benefitted tremendously because of this. Some of these folks have gone out of the way to offer me help in case of a breakdown or in an exigency. And in case I realise that I have been a tad unpleasant (very rare) I make it a point to make amends/apologise instantly. So far I've led a good life as a result of the aforesaid mantra. It's become a way of life!

[knrn]

A wonderful topic for the thread and a relaxing read in the present time of stress.
I thank the OP for starting it.

My 2 cents-
I read about the online tipping in Zomato- the online tip is credited into the delivery boy’s account and transferred to him at the end of the week alongwith weekly earned incentives after deduction of acquired penalties if any. And there is 10-20% standard deduction. So paying cash directly is better.

Being nice is good. Being nice and anonymous is better.
I will like to tell a small story my late father often used to teach me. Once there was a scorpion drowning in a pond. A saint along with his students was passing by. When the saint saw the drowning scorpion, he lifted the scorpion out of water and rescued it. While being saved, the scorpion stung the saint’s hand repeatedly. Still the saint put the scorpion back on dry land and let it go. One of the students asked his master that why did he save the scorpion despite being stung repeatedly? The saint replied- it is the nature of the scorpion to sting and it is in my nature to save. The scorpion was doing his job and I was mine. We should do what we are supposed to despite the odds. This is the true purpose of life.

I believe that in addition to the qualities and points mentioned by esteemed forum members already, forgiveness should also be a part of one’s character. Many a times when we are nice, we come across good folks who appreciate but sometimes there will be people who try to take advantage of you being nice. As the old saying goes- you give someone a finger to hold and they end up grabbing your hand and climbing upon your shoulder. That is why I added anonymity and forgiveness to the list. While it is good to be nice, sometimes you need to be firm to those who are greedy.

The world is full of different people and again as they say that all five fingers, though of the same hand are still different.

I have had my own share of good and bad experiences, but still I practice being kind and gentle. For the one or two bad experiences that might leave a sour taste in your mouth, the satisfaction and peace of being good far outweighs the pain and discomfort when someone cheats.
So to conclude- be nice overall but learn to differentiate the bad ones and be firm.
In the end- goodness always prevails.

This has been my experience to sum it up so far. Thanks for reading.

[mohansrides]

Originally Posted by dailydriver

I have my reservations on being nice to everyone, all the time….

So, each time one actually honors an online order by paying for it promptly and receiving it with respect, it actually counts as a nice gesture by the hardworking folks..

You sir are a tough nut!! Ya… enough with all the sappy anecdotes patting ourselves on the back, eh?!! Let’s be real and admit that most of us are far from nice most times; isn’t that right?!

[AKSarkar1]

Very thoughtful thread in these trying times... This definitely made my day, thank you for this!

Psychological aspect or not, I feel the small things in life reap us benefits in ways that we can't even imagine.

My 'daily dose' of being nice funnily enough involves cops. I work for the State Government and make my way from the suburbs of Mumbai to South Mumbai everyday which is filled to the brim with the who's who of Mumbai. Working in civil services myself, I can easily differentiate when someone is being genuine towards their duty and when someone is doing work just because of the whip. Having said that, I have always found cops posted in SoBo to be at the top of their game and their humanitarian acts have also struck a chord. I distinctly remember a traffic cop stopping the convoy of the then DGP of Maharashtra to make way for an ambulance; such empathy is what makes Mumbai, Mumbai.

Everyday I make sure to give them icy cold water (in the summer months) and ho tea in the winter months. You'd be surprised at how much such a simple gesture moves them, makes both our days. You would also be surprised how many private citizens extend this courtesy as compared to the meagre number of bureaucrats who do this.

[dailydriver]

Although the two statements you quoted are to be read contextually, I do agree, and hope you too do too, that being nice to everyone, all the time isn't practical. In the same breath, I will also venture to say that being nice should be a natural instinct and not just acts of condescension, veneration or submission.

As a man really is what he is in dark, so is his real character what he is at times of crisis and distress and adversity.

Can I be nice to someone who is deliberately being rude or is hell bent upon infuriating me? If yes, then - only then - can I claim to be a proponent of kindness. Else, I am just a tiny Tom who has as many misses on the nicety front as he has hits.

[Mustang Sammy]

Wonderful thread. Made my day reading the positive anecdotes and tips.

+1 to offering water and snacks to delivery personnel. It’s true they usually decline, but they always appreciate being asked. Western countries have a lot to teach us in this regard, about dignity of labor and treating blue collar workers like fellow humans and not faceless cogs in a machine.

I also carry a few packets of biscuits to distribute to kids at traffic signals. Far better than giving cash, which most likely ends up in the hands of the head of the gang.

Giving is its own reward.

[woodstock3001]

Great thread.

I've learnt this from dad.

Anyone who comes home (relative, electrician, plumber, delivery guy, security guard etc) should be offered Water. This is as basic as it gets & only 1 our 5 says 'Yes' when offered.

This brings in Smile & warmth is un-comparable & given so much of tolerance (or intolerance) going in country, it high time we teach next generation to be kind.

Like we used to have physical education classes in School, there should be some classes / lessons taught to teens in school around this as well with eg like offering seats in metro to elders, if there's a queue for something expecting mothers should be priorities etc.

[mohansrides]

Originally Posted by dailydriver

..Can I be nice to someone who is deliberately being rude or is hell bent upon infuriating me? If yes, then - only then - can I claim to be a proponent of kindness. Else, I am just a tiny Tom who has as many misses on the nicety front as he has hits.

Hey you don’t have to tell me. I am right with you on this.

Unlike most on this thread, I am going to go out on a limb and say that I am not a nice person at all. Whatever niceness I have is reserved for my immediate family, and even to them I am far from nice sometimes.

What’s more?! I am of the firm opinion that many of us are quite entitled and need to be put in our place. I consider it my civic duty to pass on the harsh lessons that life has imparted to me. Granted that I am not rude or unkind to people who are below the economic ladder from me. But other than that one concession, no one meeting me is walking away thinking that the world is a kind place. They can thank me for that life lesson later.

Any overt acts of kindness on my part will go unreported by me; here or anywhere else.

[chinchu.c]

Research on Mental Health provides ample evidence that kindness has both psychological and health related benefits. It can improve our self-esteem. Gratitude is another tool for improving mental health, and happiness.
Small acts of kindness (such as holding a door open for someone or tending to a tired delivery person) and larger actions (such as spending considerable time or resources to help someone) can all have positive impacts on mental health.

Also, kindness is most beneficial when it is voluntary (and not being required to do something) and when we feel that our actions have actual positive impact.

Note: Mental Health is not merely an absence of mental illnesses. It is a state of well-being where we are able to be productive, can handle normal stressors, and are able to contribute to the community.