[Godzilla]

Let me share a trick of mine.

Whenever I feel slightly negative (anger, sadness, disappointed, nervous) I voluntarily look for situations where I can go and make someone else positive (appreciations, help, gift, express gratitude, compliments and flattery). The key is to make the other person feel super happy, high, laugh. What happens is when the other person goes through that positive emotion, it will catch on to me. (Meaning I will switch from being grouse to happy again). This is magical once you know how to do it. This is win-win.

There is a superb book called the 'Go Giver' https://www.amazon.in/Go-Giver-Bob-Burg/dp/0241976278.

Also, I feel there are only two modes of human existence. The 'giving mode' or the 'wanting mode'. We generally find humans in 'giving mode' more attractive, charismatic and powerful and are slightly averse to people who are in the extreme end of 'wanting mode'. My aim in life is to gradually increase the 'giving mode' in my wakeful existence. This is easy to say but difficult to achieve as you have to be emotionally, physically, financially indepedent to truly be the giver most of the time. Lets say there are 15 hours in day, if you measure how many minutes/hours we are in giving mode, most humans are in 'wanting mode' 99% of the time. For example True Sadhus, Honest Doctors, People who run NGOs generally happen to be in 'giving mode' for many hours/day but for mere mortals such as me who is an office goer are generally in the other mode (wanting salary, promotion, help, money, sex, favor). My aim is to increase the amount of giver mode. I do volunteering, coaching (free), or just be aware of the surroundings and do the needful (such as a good samratian who helps people caught in accidents, holds the lift for the physically abled. However, I aim to be financially free one day and spend most of my time on society or animal welfare (well being of all beings).

The true progress in life is all about moving from want mode to give mode. It is a mindset change, to be a giver you should focus less on your thoughts. opinions, life and shift the focus to the person or situation in front of you and do your best to improve/address without expecting returns. If you speak to a person in full giving mode (conciously think the best for the person in front of you) they will perceive it and feel the difference. They will find you magnetic.

Disclaimer: Being a giver, doesnt mean being nice all the time. If someone treats me/someone unfair, I ensure to give it back (provided it was worthy of my time) Example: A customer service agent who misbehaved/not done the work and treated me like shit, I escalated to the manager and ensured she was schooled. This will be sometimes be a painful experience for them (Our intent is help the person become better and NOT TO BE IN THEIR GOOD BOOKS).

[SoumenD]

Honest confession:

Only niceness I show on roads is giving way to people at intersections even if am on the straight(right to way) and the other person is at a turn. As if all that courtesy matters on our roads

Once in a while some nice soul appreciates with a thumbs up but 99% of time people just drive by. Anyways to be honest I do it more out of fear of idiots scratching my bumper

[Neversaygbye]

While being nice is always the way to go, I have from personal experience seen that in many cases people try to take advantage or even consider this a sign of weakness.

So I have developed a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality where I am matter of fact and direct when I'm getting a job done. Not rude, mind you - just no nonsense. I am nice to the person once the job is done, or if they have shown honest intent while doing their job.

In my personal life I try to be as nice and helpful as I can and I hope I succeed in that at times. (It's for others to judge)

If everybody was nice, the world would have become a better place. I still can't understand why two cars approaching a single lane from opposite directions speed up and then spend unnecessary minutes in a stare down in the middle, when one of them could have stopped and let the other one pass. And that's just one example of not being nice. In general I come across very few people who are nice in daily life in our country - maybe our over-population brings out a dog-eat-dog streak. I honestly don't know. I just hope that one day nice guys and girls will be a majority, but I'm not counting on it to happen.

[abhisheksircar]

Wonderful thread; needed in a time of negativity everywhere.

I follow the "10 good things in a day". Few things that usually add up in a day.

1. Greet all securities in the morning with a smile as I cross by them
2. Offer water to delivery guys
3. Slow down and stop cautiously to let pedestrians cross. At times I get surprising glares and at times it just ends with a smile.
4. Let cars go past which are stuck in continuous movement of traffic. This usually ends up with a thumbs up from the other side.
5. Hold the lift when I see someone running towards it
6. Hold the door for someone approaching. It's funny at times when I hold it and people keep coming and walking through just ignoring my presence there

These are 10 VERY simple and straight forward ones which sure makes me feel good at the end of the day and usually these count to more than 10 in a day easily. The more intense ones are charity drives, coming to help when the meat shop owner's niece is getting married and they need a contribution, sponsoring a child's education etc. There is no end to what each of us can do to make a difference.

My advice is to never hesitate on the smallest of gestures. Everything adds up.

[ninjatalli]

Originally Posted by abhisheksircar

3. Slow down and stop cautiously to let pedestrians cross. At times I get surprising glares and at times it just ends with a smile.
4. Let cars go past which are stuck in continuous movement of traffic. This usually ends up with a thumbs up from the other side.
5. Hold the lift when I see someone running towards it
6. Hold the door for someone approaching.

Wonderful! I experienced all these for the first time when I moved to the US. It felt amazingly nice when a random stranger in a car would allow me to pass or hold the lift/door for (me & others).

It's tough to change that mindset and do it here in India (especially #3 & #4) given the local conditions. Kudos to you to do this - I need to be more consistent about it here.

[Cliff9091]

Originally Posted by ninjatalli

Let me start this with my experiences

Experience 3: Have short conversations (or just a greeting) to people who are working in your surroundings (e.g. maid, driver, ola/uber driver, watchman, etc.). It's crazy how these guys are completely 'invisible'. No idea what goes through their minds in that situation, but personally I would hate to be in their shoes, day-in day-out.

Most of the time, I generally get a grunt or a nod of the head. But once in a while, it's like the flood gates are opened. Sometimes you get to hear about their troubles that you weren't aware off (e.g. my maid in Bombay was having trouble shifting her kids to a better school. We eventually helped in filling up the english forms to do that).

Especially auto/cab drivers, they really enjoy the conversations and appreciate you being ready to converse. Sometimes you get a lot of gossip too (e.g. long back, my cab driver in Ladakh had a lot of gossip on Dia Mirza, Ajay Devgan and other actors who were doing scenes in that part of the world and how they were as individuals away from the camera).

These were the top of the mind. None of them dealt with monetary aspects. But all left me with a 'good' feeling every single time and sometimes even more.

I had a really inspiring conversation with a cab driver last month, I booked the cab to go to my friends place and when he arrived at the pick up he quickly got down and moved few books that were in the back seat to the passenger seat upfront and he told me that he is currently studying for the CA exams and drives a cab during the night and early mornings mostly airport trips so he can help with expenses at home. He also mentions that he was B.com graduate but drives a cab as his father is unable to do so now and needs to pay off the emi.

I felt really inspired and my day to day problems looked really petty and mundane in front off what this guy was doing.

A small thank you at the end of trips and treating with the respect they deserve makes a lot of difference in the course of their day

[TusharP]

I see kindness as shining Sun. The core of the Sun is warmest. Same way the kindness that one radiates outwards first touches oneself. In being kind to others we are being kinder to ourselves.

Few examples:
1. This new year all Zomato delivery folks were quite rushed. All the orders were delayed, including mine. My delivery guy came almost 30m late. I had some chocolates and chips at my home. As he delivered stuff to me - I delivered my gift back to him. Wished him a happy new year. Smile on his face was priceless

2. I either don't pick the spam call center calls - if I do I try to be nice when telling I don't need a loan or a credit card. 'Thanks for your call but I don't need the card'.

3. I donate to Milaap / Ketto when I feel moved by the story.

4. I am planning to Volunteer for an organization that helps provide first step counseling sessions for mental health patients. This is work in progress

Cheers to all of us here ❤️

[tatafanatic]

I was flying Chandigarh to New Delhi and was seated in 5th row, to my adjacent row there was a elderly gentleman who from the word go went complaining mode.

He complained Water was not given on time and to my amazement the airhostess promptly gave him two bottles with apology
He complained the coffee served was not hot enough, the air hostess promptly got him his hot cup
Before he could complain on Ready To Eat food, the airhostess told him to hold on to the container till she came back serving a few others, then she opened to lid checked the cooked food and requested him to eat
When we landed the three airhostesses requested us from rows 1 to 5 to be seated and kindly allow the elderly gentleman to disembark.
Assuming him to be a VIP i asked around for the reason for the preferential treatment

Air Hostess Reply
Sir, we know he's demanding, but he is what he is we can't change that. He's regular on this route we been serving him for long but you know he's a veteran, he fought the war and he took bullets, now he travels to Delhi for cause of veterans benefits. this is the least we can do for him

I am aware how painful that experience can be for the gentleman, however empathy from the airline staff was commendable

[Raghu M]

Originally Posted by amods

I don’t trust them a bit with online tips. Even if they do give it to riders, it would not be immediate. Ready cash in hand is always helpful getting a cup of tea/water/petrol quickly. So no online tipping from me.

Totally agree with you. I don't trust that my tip money reaches the delivery boys as TDS is deducted even there. I prefer to hand that small amount of cash directly to the delivery guy. They feel really good and it comes handy immediately.

Of late, I have cultivated the habit of referring to everyone as sir/madam. Last week, we were in Tirupati and I was finding it difficult to get to my assigned guest house. While the maps was pointing to the right direction, I was not able to get there exactly. There was an elderly man who was sweeping the road there. I went to him and asked - sir, can you help me with my guest house location? He immediately put his cleaning stick down and came by my side and showed me the guest house which was around 50 meters from there. I could see the spark in his eye when he was referred to as 'sir'. I thanked him and while leaving he even told me some do's and dont's to get me around. Be it anyone (of course not kids), I refer to them as sir or madam. They really feel valued, you can see it in their behaviour towards us.

[Shanky_1002]

I keep 15-20 Parle G packets and candies in my car to give away to kids we bump into on the road/ traffic signals and also to feed stray puppies. The joy I get to see that smile or those wagging tails is totally blissful. Also we give any extra food or clothing items we may have to the elderly security folks in our apartment, the way they bless us is truly heart warming.

[gopa99]

Originally Posted by ArTigor

Nice thread. A few things from my side.

3- If I see a person is in hurry I let them pass by, I don't make it an ego issue. Reason being, we all think most of the time it may be an unruly driver, but even by chance there is a 1% possibility that the person who at the rear is honking and is in a rush maybe in an emergency situation, I do not want to make it worse for them by blocking their way just for my ego.

Way to go. To your point I often get thinking if we had an official option of a beacon light or some protocol that would inform others to give way. In a city like Kochi where I am currently based, almost every other driver is a 'Schumacher' and egos rule the roost, and these are tough spaces to drive fast even with a valid reason.

[fawad0222]

Hello Everyone,

I will not write, what I do or have done but what others have done for me, which inspired me to try to be a better human being and help others. Without going into specifics, I would say many a times I have been helped by people, who went out of their way to assist me. Such acts made me realize that one should try to make an extra effort from time to time to make things easy for others, the same way as others have done for me. It doesn't require much but just a little bit of sensitivity and understanding towards others' situations or problems.

regards

[diablo29]

Sharing few things I consciously do:

1. Five 5 star rating for amazon deliveries where the person has actually dropped the package in the designated courier box and only rang the bell to inform the same. I have noticed that all different courier boys have started doing that and has made my life easier to manage multiple courier receipts. When they need OTP they only ask for it and drop the package in the box. I only need to personally go for more secure or delicate deliveries like mobile phones or large appliances.

2. Feeding stray dogs in the locality and treating their wounds with antiseptic and when required call the NGO’s for treatment of more serious cases and make donations to fund their causes both in cash and kind.

3. During covid vaccination when the public vaccinations had long queues, we took our maids along with us for the vaccination at private hospital where the queue was small. Also ensured all maids were paid fully during lockdowns including annual bonus and increments.

4. We allow the local female municipal sweeper to use the toilet in our parking. This helps her a lot especially when they have long hard days to sweep the roads without any public toilet facilities , drinking water and place to rest.

[silverado]

I try and slow down when i see someone struggle to cross road.

Being a cyclist, i have a soft spot for them and ensure they dont face any hassle due to me, have even tried to give them priority over others.

Any person like plumber electrician coming to home will be made comfortable by offering tea, snacks etc.
Elders need help ( Always remember we will reach there in some years ), so always be present whenever they need it.
Life maybe stressful for many of us due to various factors, its the human element which is important and helps us value life.

[adithya.kp]

Very good gesture. As you mentioned, sometimes how much to tip can be confusing. I follow something like this. >=100 for things like installation, airtel broadband repair, complex delivery etc. 50 for food delivery, medium complexity delivery, big-basket etc. 20 to 30 for low complexity delivery, uber etc. The problem is that, we run out 20/30 change and paying by UPI is not convenient. How do you guys handle this problem? Perhaps a good idea to stock them if banks issue such notes.
One thing I noticed is that the majority of the delivery guys are very courteous and they don't expect any tip. I have come across a few delivery/cab guys refusing the the tip.
As others mentioned direct tip is better than the underlying service app based tip.

Originally Posted by amods

While I'm too introvert to strike conversations and do charity(bit lazy too), my core principle is to be nice to everyone.

Recently I've been trying to tip food delivery guys a 20 or a 50 note whenever I can(read have cash/they accept UPI). This always doesn't work because sometime I hesitate giving 20(when they are dressed nicely and I have only 20/50 cash). But I'm working on it and making it a habit to ALWAYS tip guy toiling on road all day(delivery guy/auto driver/cleaners etc).

Thanks for starting this thread. Hope it becomes contagious