Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

चाहे मानसून लेट आया है
पर एहसास नया ये लाया है,
कानून में सुधार आया है
देश में अब बदलाव आया है|

लड़के को लड़की न खोजनी
ना लड़की को लड़का,
कोई भी मिल जाये चलेगा
बस भिडे प्रेम का टांका |

शायद अब किसी घर में
मूंछों वाली भाभी आएँगी,
कन्यायें कन्या को भी अब
जीजू जीजू बुलाएंगी|

उन्मुक्त गगन के नीचे केवल
अब जोड़े ना रास रचाएंगे,
बदला बदला होगा मंजर
लड़के जब लड़का पटायेंगे|

पुलिस के पास भी अब शायद
छेड़छाड़ के केसेज बढ़ जायेंगे ,
महिला महिला को छेड़ेगी
पुरुष पुरुष से छेड़े जायेंगे |

हर सिक्के के पहलू दो होते
कुछ सुधार तो आयेंगे,
ये नए बदलाव देश को
जनसँख्या विस्फोट से बचायेंगे|

************************************************** ************************************************** ***********
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
************************************************** ************************************************** ***********
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
************************************************** ************************************************** ***********
Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
************************************************** ************************************************** ***********

Grl-Will u marry me?
Santa-No,Hmare me shadi relatives me hi hoti he,
Maa ne papa se ki,Didi ne jijaji se or me b apni BV se hi kruga
************************************************** ************************************************** ***********

Ek chipkali ne gaana(song) sunaya
To baki saare chipkaliyan zameen par gir gayi….
Puchon kaise..kaise. .?????

Kyonki baki sabhi chipkaliyon ne uske liye taaliyan bajayee…..
__________________________________________________ ______

Jaat riding a cycle, hits a Girl.
lajo : Ghanti nahin mari jaati kya?
Jaat: Re bawli ?!! Poori cycle maar di,
aab ghanti alag se maaru ke ?

__________________________________________________ _____

An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do, what about u !!

__________________________________________________ _____

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddy (Post 1381817)

जनसँख्या विस्फोट से बचायेंगे|

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnda (Post 1386808)

Any hope of translating 'Eddy's' post
IMPORTANT: if the joke is lost please dont bother. coz if its in the language and literature then you could say "joe, you got be joking" :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pramodkumar (Post 1386971)

The poem speaks about the new sensation section 377, there are things like there will be Bhabi(sister in law) with mush, and there will be no population explotion. Yes translating the whole thing will ruin it. Really EDDY a great one indeed.lol:

GOOGLE TRANSLATE DID THIS - :D :D

Even if the monsoon has come to lie down
But this has brought a new feeling,
Law has improved
Now the country has changed in |

Boy or girl to find
Girl not a boy,
No one will get
Bhide just love stitch |

Maybe in a house now
Muncon the sister-in-law will,
Knyayen girl now
Jiju Jiju Bulaangi |

Only under the free sky
Now the couple is not Rchaange ness,
Revenge will be changed Mnjr
Boy when the boy Ptayenge |

Perhaps even to the police
Kesej fool increasing the will,
Cedegi woman woman
Men will be men Cede |

Every aspect of the two coins are
So will some improvement,
These new changes to the country
Save population explosion |

Came across an interesting one today :)

Quote:

Astronomers declare February no longer a month
Emboldened by their success in declaring Pluto not a planet, the International Astronomical Union determined this week by a close vote that February is too short to be considered a true month. It has, however, been granted the newly created status of “dwarf month.” It shares this dubious distinction with several other calendar time spans, including Labor Day Weekend, Christmas Vacation, and the Time Between When You Were Supposed to Get Your Oil Changed and When You Actually Did.

“It only seems fair,” said IAU President Ron Eckers. “February reaches a peak size of 29 days, averaging only 28 days for 75 percent of the time. Recent research has shown that other periods, such as the Time Between When You Were Supposed to Get Your Oil Changed and When You Actually Did, often exceed this meager time frame. In fact, this erratic behavior only strengthens our case that February does not belong in the same classification as the eleven ‘true’ months.”

Eckers also warned that the crop of 30-day “so-called” months should be careful to maintain their number of days. “They’re already cutting it pretty close in my book.”

Source

Got this in a forward. I doubt it was really written by Nandan Nilekani, esp as there are multiple blog sites with this posted. Hence posting this in the Jokes section. Quite good actually! :D

From an INFOSCION to a POLITICION - Nandan's Chronicles - 2

Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let’s see what happened thereafter….
The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence.
Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.

It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!

I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would “fix” me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book,” The World Markets are flattened”.

Since there was no doubt about the “Fixational” capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project’s turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!

MY PROJECT”S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION.
I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!! The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days’ milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this.

The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.
The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.
“You won’t believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!”

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