[quote=nishant_kingpin]After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it besaid that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident. ... Enjoy!
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a
glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and
notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left
early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast
the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin
asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
some furn! iture, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into
the door." Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so
clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a
big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Lady leave me
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either........
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old
pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and
sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,"
said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside
the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure
enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike
and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane,
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe
what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the
cemetery ! dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard
for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man
hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one
for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me
the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet
were still unable to see anything. The old man and
the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence
tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's
all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and
we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5
minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr.Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr.Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr.Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!
Friend: how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder.
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful... is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure