The Official Joke thread

AvinashKeezh · 21st April 2006, 11:11

Two blondes were painting their plance. One was painting the ceiling as the other painted the walls.

"Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde.

"Sure," said the other blonde.

"Well, hold on tight. I`m taking away the ladder."

v.tec · 23rd April 2006, 01:53

@ gordon ..no matter how poor those jokes were..i still laugh at them!!!!! lol too funny

TributE · 23rd April 2006, 12:52

Download this..... too funny check it out..

http://www.warprecords.com/news/?ti_id=573

download either the video or the sound clip..... its better if u lisn to the sound clip.

Gordon · 24th April 2006, 08:33

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

karthik247 · 24th April 2006, 20:24

> Translate the following lines into simple English :
>
> Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a
> natural geologic
> protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being
> the procurement of
> a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large
> vessel, the exact size
> of which was unspecified.
> One member of the team precipitously descended,
> sustaining severe
> damage to the upper cranial potion of his anatomical
> structure;
> subsequently the second member of the team performed
> a self rotational
> translation oriented in the same direction taken by
> the first team
> member.
>
>
>
> Scroll down for answer :......( in simple English
> what does this
> translate???)

> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of
> water Jack fell down
> and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling
> after!!!.......................

karthik247 · 24th April 2006, 20:28

Didn't want to start a saperate thread on this, so...

NEW AGE CAR SECURITY SYSTEM

karthik247 · 24th April 2006, 20:30

The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union
rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and
has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as
"Euro-English." In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard "c" will
be dropped in favour of "k." This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the
second year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced
with "f". This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage
where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the
4th yer peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and
"w" with "v." During
ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
containing "ou" and
after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze
drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad
you smil, pleas pas on
to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!

karthik247 · 24th April 2006, 20:33

karthik247 · 24th April 2006, 20:41

Confessions of kid
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!

Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER
AGAIN,
SEND THE BIKE! !!!!!!!!

jkdas · 25th April 2006, 21:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by karthik247

> Translate the following lines into simple English :
>
> Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a
> natural geologic
> protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being
> th...
> Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of
> water Jack fell down
> and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling
> after!!!.......................

any infy interview question?

jkdas · 25th April 2006, 21:41

Sam Kapasi · 25th April 2006, 22:13

This is good time-pass. We have too much time on our hands at JBL i guess lol

http://www.jbl.com/tellafriend/

jkdas · 25th April 2006, 22:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

This is good time-pass. We have too much time on our hands at JBL i guess lol

http://www.jbl.com/tellafriend/

nice one. I liked the car one and teh alst one wher the guy jumps over the people.

karthik247 · 25th April 2006, 22:50

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC officein Amritsar.
Reddy from Hyderabad applied for the same job and,
both applicants having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the Department Manager.

Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Santa and said,
"Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".

Santa:
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct.
Thus, being Punjab I should get the job!"

Manager:
"We have made our decision not on the correct answers,
but on the one question that you got wrong."

Santa:
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager:
"Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong,
Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer, and you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

jkdas · 25th April 2006, 23:13

copy and paste following link in ur browser

javascript:function reverse() { var inp = "!sadkj ekil krow lufesu emos oD .siht lla gniod rof efil uoy nevig ton sah doG "; var outp="";for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) { outp =inp.charAt (i) + outp;}alert(outp) ;}; reverse();

hehe

21st April 2006, 11:11	#1111
AvinashKeezh BHPian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bangalore Posts: 233 Thanked: 11 Times	The Grip Two blondes were painting their plance. One was painting the ceiling as the other painted the walls. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. "Sure," said the other blonde. "Well, hold on tight. I`m taking away the ladder."

23rd April 2006, 12:52	#1113
TributE BHPian Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 47 Thanked: Once	Download this..... too funny check it out.. http://www.warprecords.com/news/?ti_id=573 download either the video or the sound clip..... its better if u lisn to the sound clip. Last edited by TributE : 23rd April 2006 at 12:57.

23rd April 2006, 01:53	#1112
v.tec BHPian Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Gurgaon Posts: 251 Thanked: 18 Times View My Garage	@ gordon ..no matter how poor those jokes were..i still laugh at them!!!!! lol too funny

24th April 2006, 08:33	#1114
Gordon Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 2,550 Thanked: 508 Times View My Garage	Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks Bill Gates. Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga. Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad. Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

24th April 2006, 20:24	#1115
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	> Translate the following lines into simple English : > > Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a > natural geologic > protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being > the procurement of > a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large > vessel, the exact size > of which was unspecified. > One member of the team precipitously descended, > sustaining severe > damage to the upper cranial potion of his anatomical > structure; > subsequently the second member of the team performed > a self rotational > translation oriented in the same direction taken by > the first team > member. > > > > Scroll down for answer :......( in simple English > what does this > translate???) > . > > . > > . > > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of > water Jack fell down > and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling > after!!!.......................

24th April 2006, 20:28	#1116
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	Didn't want to start a saperate thread on this, so... NEW AGE CAR SECURITY SYSTEM

24th April 2006, 20:30	#1117
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English." In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k." This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v." During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!

24th April 2006, 20:33	#1118
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times

24th April 2006, 20:41	#1119
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	Confessions of kid Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. Letter 1 Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over. Letter 2 Dear God, This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend Bobby Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again. Letter 3 Dear God, I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Bobby Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a Letter 4 God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Bobby Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him. Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God. Letter 5 God, I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE! !!!!!!!!

25th April 2006, 21:41	#1121
jkdas Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Thiruvananthapu Posts: 9,687 Thanked: 1,497 Times View My Garage

25th April 2006, 22:13	#1122
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,939 Thanked: 2,479 Times View My Garage	This is good time-pass. We have too much time on our hands at JBL i guess lol http://www.jbl.com/tellafriend/

25th April 2006, 22:50	#1124
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC officein Amritsar. Reddy from Hyderabad applied for the same job and, both applicants having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the Department Manager. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. Thus, being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong." Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer, and you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

25th April 2006, 23:13	#1125
jkdas Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Thiruvananthapu Posts: 9,687 Thanked: 1,497 Times View My Garage	copy and paste following link in ur browser javascript:function reverse() { var inp = "!sadkj ekil krow lufesu emos oD .siht lla gniod rof efil uoy nevig ton sah doG "; var outp="";for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) { outp =inp.charAt (i) + outp;}alert(outp) ;}; reverse(); hehe