[BlackPearl]

Originally Posted by Jaguar

Why? I wonder if the same people who suggested counseling for your wife would advice the same for your parents too.

I think you missed the most important point here, he already has the dog. It was not the same situation when he was with his parents. So really not a correct comparison. The suggestion for therapy is to find a win-win situation for all involved and there is nothing wrong in going for therapy.

[lawdgawd]

Originally Posted by Jaguar

For whatsoever reason, your parents were not OK having a pet and whether you liked it or not, you lived with it. But when your wife says she is not OK, it became a big deal. Why? I wonder if the same people who suggested counseling for your wife would advice the same for your parents too.

People need to understand that not everyone is comfortable with pets and/or the responsibility that comes with it. Similarly many people do not want the responsibility of having a child. Are we suggesting therapy for all those folks as well?

Therapy is not a punishment. It is to be resorted to when there is a disagreement between adults, or a child develops issues beyond the parents' ability to handle.

In this case, these are two adults who have a serious disagreement, with an ultimatum thrown in for good measure. That is the issue. No one is right or wrong in this instance, but the disagreement is a fact. you go to a therapist to deal with own subconscious issues, problems in communication and trust, and learn how to handle such developments in a marriage without it leading to ultimatums and crises.

No, there is no need for therapy when a kid has a disagreement with his parents. However, IF the kid runs away from home (similar to the ultimatum and leaving in this case) yes, then its time for a therapist to help out.

[jothishX]

Hi Armaan,

Speaking from my experience of owning two large german shepherds whom I love to bits, I would say that you did a mistake on getting a pup too early in to your married life.
As many members have pointed out earlier, this being a public forum of petrolheads, may not be the ideal place to ask. But, I'm guessing you are seeing teamBhp as a family and want an honest opinion.

Few points that I want to highlight:

• Did you do enough research on keeping a dog, like picking the right breed, sex, temperament etc? Or was it like, you browsed online and went to nearby kennels and got the cutest puppy that you found?

• Keeping a dog in an apartment is a big no-no from me. At first it would be easier to clean up, feed and play with them in the limited space. But as they grow, their demands also grows with them. Soon you will find it tiring and cumbersome to take it outside for walks, exercise etc. Then there would be the menace of dog hair all over the place. Beagle being short-haired may not be much of a problem though. Remember, dogs are hyper active creatures, yet dumb. If they have anxiety attacks, like not seeing you at the regular time that you are back from office, they may run around and accidentally break stuff or chew up your or your spouse's belongings.

• There are yearly anti-rabies and pentavalent vaccinations and also you may need to goto vet for unforeseen diseases.

• I'm assuming you two are living alone and don't have another member to take care of Whiskey when both of you are not at home. What about when going to work, movies, travelling etc? You can't always leave them with your parents.

• If you're planning to take your good boy with you in your car, there will another set of problems. Scratches all over, hair, risk of running away, flea/tick infestation etc. One of my dogs completely scratched the bonnet of my fully repainted car the day I bought it back from the workshop. Now I'm scared to let them anywhere near my new car.

• Lastly you have compared your situation to giving up a child. Just think it like this: A child will grow up and mature. But, your puppy won't. It will always be the silly playful one the day you brought him home. So you've to be prepared to deal with big doggo problems.

Now, I was in your situation as well. I was living with my parents and my dogs and other pets. After I got married I decided to move to a place closer to both of our workplaces. I had expressed my interest in bringing one of them to my new place (house with a compound). My wife doesn't like dogs and instantly said no. I respected her decision. Around the same time, one of her friends had a mis-carriage due to Toxoplasmosis (a fatal disease spread from cats).
I don't think she'll ever change her mind. They stay with my parents now and I take care of them when I'm around. It is really tough to keep two healthy german shepherds well fed and groomed. And to live with the deafening barks. Even at a little butterfly that flies by..

You should have thought this throughout or should have asked this question here before getting one. Even wiser decision would have been to get one before marriage. You can't live like this hoping that she may accept him one day. That day may never come and you would start hating one among them. I would suggest to sacrifice your love for Whiskey and find him a home where he gets a loving mom and dad. It will be hard to let go, but that is the only way as he is just a few month old puppy. Else it will be very tough for both of you later on.

Once everything settles, discuss with your spouse and later after few months/years when both of you feel that you are ready to take care of one, find a pupper that your whole family will fall in love with.

Adding a small pic of the so-called-badass (ahem, 3*) with the wolves. The one on the left is trying to rip my arm off. There is a crow sitting nearby and he can't stand it.

[phamilyman]

Some thoughts:
a. Please delete this thread unless your family does not know of TBHP at all. TBHP is super popular in India and you don't want others misinterpreting this thread given some of the wilder options suggested.
b. Please do not leave the beagle with an aged relative - that is the absolute worst idea unless they are physically fit to indulge a dog. If they can't take it out for a walk in the future the dog has a terrible life because of your sub-optimal decision. Don't do that. Do the best for the dog's life not YOUR emotional bond.
c. In a friend's case, he had two cats before they got married. The wife HATES cats - but in a very civil - lakshman rekha sort of way. Now even when they had a baby, they moved into a duplex with one of the floors as a no go zone for the cats. The key was that the wife was willing to negotiate even though she has NO love for the cats even today, 3 years hence. Your case is much harder - as much as it saddens me, I feel BBLost is right.

Find a new home for Whiskey! Once you have deleted this thread, would be happy to share the adoption message far and wide.

Best wishes and love to Whiskoo baby!

[digitalnirvana]

Sorry for the repeat post (mods please merge) but I couldn't help but write this.

Mate, you've posted 3 pics of Whisky in your OP. He looks well loved and cared for. He's got a big chewie and everything. It's clear you love him.

In case (and this I say as an armchair psychologist) if you are thinking of chosing the pup over your relationship, don't rush in to it. You might later blame yourself or worse the dog for your loss. The mind works in strange ways. And an unhappy parent makes for an unhappy and ill pet.

Also the reverse is true ie if you chose to go the other way, you will have suffered a loss, and again your relationship will suffer too.

Bottom line is the 3 of you are inexorably linked together in this. If 1 of you loses (which unfortunately seems likely) all 3 of you will lose. And you need help RIGHT NOW to either find a way to deal with the loss, or to somehow get a win win win out of this shitty situation.

Please give your wife space. Give yourself space. Take a step back and try to constructively engage towards a resolution that is mutually acceptable. Meet at a neutral venue and try couple's counselling. Approach it whole heartedly, without constraints. Ignore red flags and give it a try.

A psychiatrist or anything of the sort might come later but first you need to talk to a counselor freely without either of you being judged. The pup doesn't get that chance so if he gets rehomed, I only hope his future owners help him out of the trauma.

Take your time and channel your efforts towards a resolution and de escalation.

Best of luck.

[SilentEngine]

Sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Personally, I think it was wrong to get the pup when you were all by yourself without having your wife also part of the whole process.

Based on what you have posted, looks like a lot of it had to do with current COVID induced situation (staying alone away from family, work from home, lot of free time to self etc). What you have to ask yourself is, if COVID hadn't happened, would you have still got the pet at all? If yes, how much would you have involved your wife in that process?

You compared having a pet to having children, but would you just adopt a child just by discussing with rest of the family over the phone?

Another thing you said which seems a little strange - you say keeping a pet dog was always a top priority for you, but you also say you didn't discuss this ever with your wife. This points to something larger, which frankly does't belong in a public forum, nor do any of us strangers have any right giving you advice on that.

Finally I would go with the majority suggestion of giving the dog away to some family that would take care of the pet. I also agree with some others that this thread itself be removed.

[knrn]

Anyone who reads this thread is going to have 3 reactions.
1. Feel so sorry for the sad state of affairs you are in.
2. Those who have been married long enough will clearly know - at home the wifey always wins. So they will feel sad but in their minds everyone knows what's going to happen.
3. Putting up a very personal issue on a pan india platform is questionable. As the wiser have spoken- it shouldn't be public but then all will understand that you need some support and maybe with the experienced bloke out here you feel like a wise family counsel might come your way.

Much advice has been given. And everyone here is trying to help you out.

Before my father passed away he ( though gave me many pearls of wisdom) said- 90% of all the happiness or sadness in your life comes from your life partner. do at home what the ladies say. If she asks to paint the drawing room wall ultraviolet- do it.

She is gonna stay home and watch it all day. A sad puppy will make you feel sad.
A sad and angry wife will make your life miserable.
Out of misery and sadness, which is better for you is the question here.
Whenever faced with a couple of losses, it is better to take the smaller loss for peace of mind. Dogs have a short life sadly, remember this. My wife before marriage had a Dalmatian who died at 9 months. She was so struck by the loss that now she refuses to even get close/ pet our neighbors dog. Happens to be a beagle by the way. I wanted a dog but due to her mindset gave up the decision.
It is very difficult to understand someone's stigma. Counselling and all can help but one cannot be sure of the outcome. I pray that may you find a peaceful solution.

And delete this thread when the dilemma is over.

[download2live]

Thread deletion is a good idea. Best outcome will be if OP finds a nice family willing to take in the dog. Even with something as positive as this, sadly I do not see a happy ending to this saga as far as people involved are concerned.

[Sreesh1009]

The audacity of some members suggesting that he get rid of his wife. What kind of sick mentality do you have 🤮

I don't think this thread deserves to be here, it would be better if you discussed this with your family and close friends.

[Sree]

We are known as a society where members take care of each other.
The best thing for the admins to do now is to delete this thread.
Enough has been discussed already and it will not do anyone any good, in keeping this thread open.

[amsidhu]

Armaan, quite a dilemma you're in. I can relate as I'm with a young Lab. But luckily in our family everyone accepts dog. Depends on how people perceive pets and the relative priorities in life.

May I suggest a preposition. What is the possibility of you hiring a domestic help for your beagle who can look after his daily needs- grooming, feeding, walks twice/ thrice. That would ensure he doesn't get ignored whilst giving you and your wife full time for each other.

You may honestly explain your wife that you are trying to balance your personal life and your love for Whiskey.

[Cessna182]

First get this off a public forum.
Next, talk to each other properly, and see if training the dog to not touch or interact with her will work. I love dogs and I jump at every opportunity to play with a stray. I was also bitten by one pet Pomeranian as a child but dogs, like humans, are mostly good except a bad one or two.

One can coexist with a dog despite not liking it. The dog has to be trained for that. My parents hate dogs and even though I don't stay with them now, I don't have one because I don't have the time to look after an animal now. Maybe later I'll get one, and parents will also visit. But I'll make sure the dog does not interact with them. It is possible to train them like that. Best wishes.

[mayankk]

Agreed. This is too personal a decision to be discussed on a public forum.
Second, dogs read people very well, and yours will be able to understand your wife's vibes. Whatever be her reasons, respect them. It's a beagle, adoption will be straightforward, quick, and might I say, to a better family. You've just got to rip the band aid off.

[landcruiser123]

I don’t vote for this thread being deleted. It need not go on the homepage. Agreed it is personal, but it can serve as a lesson to everyone.

Hi Armaan_singh,
This is tricky situation. The dog is as much part of the family as the two of you. It’ll be extremely disruptive for the dog to find itself in a newer home. I believe compromise is the best way going forward. Who knows - your wife could shed her fear of dogs in a few years? I know a friend’s mom who did that - she was out numbered 4:1 in the decision to get a dog though.

It was unfair on your part to take the big decision to get a dog on your own, but there’s nothing we can do about that. As a start, why don’t you get in touch with your wife’s friends and understand her childhood from their perspective? Also, try getting in touch with pet owners in your /wife’s friend circle and find out a whether they know competent dog trainer? A good dog trainer can help bridge the gap and help both the dog and the human to make them accept each other.

Try reaching a compromise when you’ll have the dog at your place for a few days and your parents place for a few days (if the situation is manageable and can be worked out) so that your wife gets her space when she needs it.

Wish you good luck.

Originally Posted by SS-Traveller

I'm just surprised no one has posted any wife vs. dog memes till now. Here goes...

Serious topic. Maybe memes are a part of different thread.

Sorry, just my view.

[jkrishnakj]

This is a very personal and sensitive topic that must be retained inside the walls of a household. I was actually quite surprised to see this thread on the forum. We all know that once on the Internet world , always on and it’s hard to erase.

I am not in a situation to provide an appropriate view here , largely because I have never reconciled to having a pet animal at home.

The only thought crossing my mind is this - if you are very averse to something and if your wife loves that , things may be very different.

Regardless of whatever decision you take , it’s important to make sure that the circumstances leading to the decision and the decision itself is never referenced to in any future discussions with your wife. That can help , else , it can cause a lot of grief to both.