The Official Joke thread

hianooo · 3rd November 2004, 13:51

Arrested for laughing.
This is from an actual trial in the UK:

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When
she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated
on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing.

She had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man
was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The
Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement,
which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move
sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident.'

Cheers...

hianooo · 3rd November 2004, 14:03

Don't get drunk with ur friends around....

Cheers....

hianooo · 3rd November 2004, 14:07

Don't get drunk with ur friends around...( more....) ;-)

Cheers

Dippy · 9th November 2004, 00:41

Hey fellas heres some food for thought

Very Interesting.....don't you think?

: Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
: Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

: Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
: Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

: Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
: Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

: Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
: Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

: Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
: Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

: Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
: Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

: Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
: Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

: Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
: Shaadi ke baad - Kaagaz ki kashti

: Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
: Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

aadix · 9th November 2004, 12:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Dippy @ Nov. 08 2004,22:11)]Very Interesting.....don't you think?

gto read it?

normally_crazy · 9th November 2004, 17:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
: Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

haryan · 13th November 2004, 14:53

Gregorio was the ultimate F1 fan. He had all the videos and went to all the
races. Unfortunately, he passed away and went up to heaven. When he arrived
at the gates of heaven he came across St Peter.

"Greetings Gregorio, we have been expecting you" St Peter said. Gregorio
asked St Peter... "What is heaven like then?" St Peter replied "All the
greats are here, Fangio, Gilles Villeneuve, Jimmy Clark, Ayrton Senna and
they all race here on the replicas of the great tracks." "Senna racing with
Villeneuve and Clark? This is my idea of heaven!" Gregorio exclaimed.

"Exactly!" St Peter replied.

Gregorio settled into heaven very quickly. He loved watching the racing, the
cars had turbos and wide tyres. The racing was all he might have hoped for
until he found something that disturbed him. One day he came upon a track
with a lone red Ferrari pounding round lap after lap with blinding speed. He
could not believe what he saw! It looked as if the driver was wearing a
helmet just like Michael Schumacher's. And the driving style was exactly the
same as his German hero's. Gregorio was confused.

After some nights of troubled sleep he went to see St Peter about what he
had seen that day. He described the scene he had seen and protested.. "But
Michael Schumacher is not dead! How can he be here?"

St Peter looked around to make sure nobody was listening and whispered to
Gregorio. "Keep this quiet as I could get into trouble with the Big man for
telling you this.."

Peter glanced around some more...

"You see that car... that was God... he thinks he is Michael Schumacher!"

shravan316 · 13th November 2004, 16:06

Cool stuff Dippy and haryan!

aadix · 13th November 2004, 16:55

lol haryan!

haryan · 14th November 2004, 14:02

Guys and Gals ,
I would like you all to enjoy a very good site ... Just follow the link .........

greatest and funniest site

greatest and funniest site

have a nice time and enjoy yourself ........

haryan · 14th November 2004, 14:04

Signs that you are too drunk would be...

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

--------------

haryan · 14th November 2004, 14:05

And finally some useless info.........
There are only two words in the English language that spell the same object both forward and backward. They are "race car."

normally_crazy · 17th November 2004, 14:13

A long-married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled; "It really works!"

speedsatya · 17th November 2004, 14:51

EK SHORT STORY

Apun ek short story sunaega
Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben log maane
judwaa.
Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie ekdum Smart,
bole to jhakaas rapchik
piece aur Sulie bole to ekdum halki re.
To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan se, woh kya
bolte hain usko..Stubborn
bole to ekdam yedi, jiddi... rehti hai.
To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh maang
ta-ich hai.
Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...
Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.
Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.
To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka ke saath
hota hai. Aur Sulie ek
fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.
Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.Sulie bhi
pati se fridge maangtihai.
Pati salla bechara garib manus. Lekin biwi ko khush
karne ke waaste woh Fridge
khareed leta hai.
Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed dalti
hai. Suli! e bhi jidd karti
hai baap. Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko
tapka daloongi.
Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar leta hai aur
AC khareed leta hai.
Ab Julie car khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka dimaag satak-ta
hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya, baap ka zameen
bech dalta hai aur gaadi
khareedta hai.
Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti
hai. Sulie jidd karti hai
Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.
Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat bana..bahut
ho gaya tera natak. Abhi
apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai kya,
yeda samjha hai kya, yaha
mere chehre par tere ko chu.. padne main aata hai kya"

To Sulie ko chodke woh chala jaata hai. Sulie lekin
apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa
market se uthakar bus khareed leti hai.
To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko
jaata hai.
Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.

W! apas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering
wheel gaayab, seat gaayab,
gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!!
Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai.
Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko kya bolti
hai??
7 * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *
* * * Abe soch... * * *
* * * Arre Bhendee soch... * * *
* * *la dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? * * *
* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *
* * * Accha chal bolich dalta hoon: * * *
"NA KUCH TERE BUS MAIN JULIE... NA KUCH MERE BUS
MAIN..."
Ae bhidu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya? Aur apun
ke upar gussa nai karne
ka?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab
kiya hai.
Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ka bheja kharab kar. par
apun ka nahi...

haryan · 17th November 2004, 18:50

Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister

See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top, now who's the joke..........

3rd November 2004, 13:51	#61
hianooo BHPian Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Kochi, nw in Bangalore... Posts: 64 Thanked: 5 Times View My Garage	Arrested for laughing. This is from an actual trial in the UK: A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.' Cheers...

3rd November 2004, 14:03	#62
hianooo BHPian Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Kochi, nw in Bangalore... Posts: 64 Thanked: 5 Times View My Garage	Don't get drunk with ur friends around.... Cheers....

3rd November 2004, 14:07	#63
hianooo BHPian Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Kochi, nw in Bangalore... Posts: 64 Thanked: 5 Times View My Garage	Don't get drunk with ur friends around...( more....) ;-) Cheers

9th November 2004, 00:41	#64
Dippy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 7,432 Thanked: 1,192 Times	Hey fellas heres some food for thought Very Interesting.....don't you think? : Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya : Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya? : Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai : Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai : Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai : Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha : Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye : Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye : Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge : Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge : Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi : Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi : Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap : Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap : Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic : Shaadi ke baad - Kaagaz ki kashti : Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen : Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

13th November 2004, 14:53	#67
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	Gregorio was the ultimate F1 fan. He had all the videos and went to all the races. Unfortunately, he passed away and went up to heaven. When he arrived at the gates of heaven he came across St Peter. "Greetings Gregorio, we have been expecting you" St Peter said. Gregorio asked St Peter... "What is heaven like then?" St Peter replied "All the greats are here, Fangio, Gilles Villeneuve, Jimmy Clark, Ayrton Senna and they all race here on the replicas of the great tracks." "Senna racing with Villeneuve and Clark? This is my idea of heaven!" Gregorio exclaimed. "Exactly!" St Peter replied. Gregorio settled into heaven very quickly. He loved watching the racing, the cars had turbos and wide tyres. The racing was all he might have hoped for until he found something that disturbed him. One day he came upon a track with a lone red Ferrari pounding round lap after lap with blinding speed. He could not believe what he saw! It looked as if the driver was wearing a helmet just like Michael Schumacher's. And the driving style was exactly the same as his German hero's. Gregorio was confused. After some nights of troubled sleep he went to see St Peter about what he had seen that day. He described the scene he had seen and protested.. "But Michael Schumacher is not dead! How can he be here?" St Peter looked around to make sure nobody was listening and whispered to Gregorio. "Keep this quiet as I could get into trouble with the Big man for telling you this.." Peter glanced around some more... "You see that car... that was God... he thinks he is Michael Schumacher!"

13th November 2004, 16:06	#68
shravan316 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,029 Thanked: 8 Times	Cool stuff Dippy and haryan!

13th November 2004, 16:55	#69
aadix Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: hyderabad Posts: 1,597 Thanked: 14 Times	lol haryan!

14th November 2004, 14:02	#70
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	Guys and Gals , I would like you all to enjoy a very good site ... Just follow the link ......... greatest and funniest site greatest and funniest site have a nice time and enjoy yourself ........

14th November 2004, 14:04	#71
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	Signs that you are too drunk would be... You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... --------------

14th November 2004, 14:05	#72
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	And finally some useless info......... There are only two words in the English language that spell the same object both forward and backward. They are "race car."

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17th November 2004, 14:13	#73
normally_crazy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 4,367 Thanked: 501 Times View My Garage	A long-married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled; "It really works!"

17th November 2004, 14:51	#74
speedsatya Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2004 Location: bangalore/manga Posts: 3,169 Thanked: 733 Times View My Garage	EK SHORT STORY Apun ek short story sunaega Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben log maane judwaa. Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie ekdum Smart, bole to jhakaas rapchik piece aur Sulie bole to ekdum halki re. To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan se, woh kya bolte hain usko..Stubborn bole to ekdam yedi, jiddi... rehti hai. To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh maang ta-ich hai. Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha... Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai. Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya. To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka ke saath hota hai. Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai. Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangtihai. Pati salla bechara garib manus. Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh Fridge khareed leta hai. Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed dalti hai. Suli! e bhi jidd karti hai baap. Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi. Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar leta hai aur AC khareed leta hai. Ab Julie car khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai. Pati ka dimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya, baap ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai. Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti hai. Sulie jidd karti hai Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap. Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya tera natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai kya, yeda samjha hai kya, yaha mere chehre par tere ko chu.. padne main aata hai kya" To Sulie ko chodke woh chala jaata hai. Sulie lekin apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa market se uthakar bus khareed leti hai. To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai. Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai. W! apas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering wheel gaayab, seat gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!! Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai. Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko kya bolti hai?? 7 * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * * * * * Abe soch... * * * * * * Arre Bhendee soch... * * * * * la dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? * * * * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * * * * * Accha chal bolich dalta hoon: * * * "NA KUCH TERE BUS MAIN JULIE... NA KUCH MERE BUS MAIN..." Ae bhidu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya? Aur apun ke upar gussa nai karne ka? Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab kiya hai. Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ka bheja kharab kar. par apun ka nahi...

17th November 2004, 18:50	#75
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister See if you can do this: Read each line aloud This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top, now who's the joke..........