Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering
whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said,
"This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"
"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
How big is your army"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's
calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have
one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
"Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Oh teri ....." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's
generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his
throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and
20,000 fighter planes.My military complex is surro unded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to
call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"
"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over
a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two
million prisoners of war"