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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-561.html)

There's a face visible under the bed, near the mobile phone.

Now you can downforce while you down force! rl:

I give up. Why did he kill her ?

Ok. I had to magnify the image to see the lurking face.

As the narration says, the husband came home from a long business trip and he went in to see her wife; within seconds of observation, he took a pic of his wife and after a day he killed her. The reason he mentioned to the judge was that she was having an affair and presented this pic as a proof. The pic shows that his wife was not alone and she had a boyfriend hiding under the bed.

everyone remember the hanky-panky thread? well, here's a new one in the budding stages :D

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3060...54519936060273

This one cracked me up! :uncontrol



PS: Sorry for the direct Imgur link. GIF weighs in at 4 MB.

Where is the link... unable to see anything except for the still pic.

Sorry for that.

Here you go - Imgur

And we bother about 0-100 timings?

I must confess that I do this to a ruffian cabbie on the BETL toll gate when he is a daily commuter, knows that the left lane is cash lane and still pretends to be ignorant about it (& your employees sitting inside without belts too are unaware of this?) and tries to break the 20 odd car's queue by sneaking right behind the 2nd car!

Jokes on incredible Bangalore:

1. If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (a.k.a. leash) around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

2. In India we drive on the left of the road. In
Bangalore, we drive on what is left of the road.

3. From encyclopedia: Bangalore:
Official language(s)C++, java, perl, python.

4. Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bangalore?
A: Follow the traffic rules.

5. "A guy is house hunting in Bangalore. Meets old lady who is potential landlord. The conversation goes thus:

Old lady: Where do you work, son?
Guy (with an air of pompousness): I work in
Infosys.
Old lady: Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people.
It would appear that Infosys operates more
buses than BMTC in Bangalore."

6. Bangalore, where PG(Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.

7. When someone says it is raining in
Bangalore, be sure to ask them which area,
which Main and which Cross.

8. if Bangalorean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because The others conclude that he has spotted a policeman that they themselves have not.

9. Bangalore is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.

10. Auto rickhsaw driver, grocery seller and
common shop keeper thinks that you earn at least 1 lakh per month if you are in IT sector.

11. Out of every 100 software engineers in
Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and rest
have a girlfriend.

12. Bus drivers use horn instead of the brakes.

13. I quote : "Bangalore: The City where more people know Language C than Hindi".

14. Since it's easier to find an alcohol shop
than a medicine shop in Bengaluru, the doctors have now started prescribing "dawa-daaru" for treatment.

15.The Bangalore airport lies in Andhra Pradesh.

When you have your own marriage function you can mess up "Miss" with "his" :uncontrol

For those who are still searching :D

Murcielago clearance sale at Abu Dhabi Airport Outlet. Group order please? :D



Imgur

Different groups of people have their favourite part of the anatomy. For the actress, it is her face, or maybe her nose or mouth. For the actor, it appears to be the six pack. For a model, it is her long legs. For a Tamil Nadu cop it is his moustache, often wore fearsome, unless you say it is his pot belly that prevents clear visibility of his toes. So, what is the favourite of a BHPian ? I have no doubt that it is the bum !

Consider the evidence.

There are no less than 45 separate threads (I counted) that deal with the mechanics and art of resting your posterior in a car. Granted that BHPians might be blessed with an ample backside, given that they are likely to be of “healthy proportions” due to their predilection to drive rather than walk. Even then, isn’t this clinching evidence regarding the most favoured part of the anatomy for a BHPian ?

Like a good soldier, I have read every post in the 45 threads in my serious quest to be a “Distinguished BHPian”. I have therefore acquired some mastery towards the various issues pertaining to this rather weighty subject. With due regard to the value of personal interaction with a guru, I went in search of Shivakumar of Imperial Leather by following Mod Vid6639’s instruction to look for a lamppost in the middle of the road in order to find the venerable master. What I have learnt is the following

The surface of the seat is of paramount importance when it comes to ensuring tender loving care of your posterior. You have three options – Cloth, Artificial Leather and Leather

Advocates of Cloth swear by its “breathing properties”. Obviously it does not suffer from asthma. Since it breathes well, it apparently cools your sensitive backside. I am not sure that I like the insinuation that breathing through your backside is a desirable activity, but we shall let that pass mildly. I am also not sure what the benefits of a cool backside are, especially when the head is hot (witness the RPM count in the Revvmeter). The real truth is that the proponents here support it because its free – they have burnt all their money on the car itself, or by indulging in detailing of the type described in this thread.

At the other end of the spectrum come leather seats. These are meant for that peculiar lot who get their kicks from placing their butts in close proximity to the butt of a cow. And drop a cool Rs 50,000 for the privilege. Since I do not have the aforesaid amount, I have essentially closed the option, observing snootily that I am a vegetarian.

What lies in the middle is Artificial Leather. This is meant for those who have the previously described kinky urge, but won’t admit it and do not have Rs 50,000 anyway (self included). Apparently the chief trouble with this is that you sweat like a pig (pun intended). And that it smells (Ugh !). I am tempted to say that olfactory misbehavior is more likely due to the organ placed on the seat than the seat itself, but that might be a tad below the belt. Interestingly one of the sub variants is called NAPA – I was previously under the impression that NAPA is exclusively associated with delectable wines which are more appropriate to the other end of the alimentary canal than the one placed on the seat. I also thought NAPA was in California, but apparently it is in some textile mill in Neemuch or Bhilwara or some such place. Just goes to show how much I have to learn from Team-BHP.

To perforate or not, that is the question (with due apologies to a 16th century bard). Even Hamlet would have been foxed by it. Careful consideration must be given to all those fancy rivets you have in your jeans and their propensity to bring the perforation along with you to your home.

Once you have chosen the material, then comes the stitching. There are 4 options – OE Fit, Tight Skin Fit, Snug Fit and Slip on. Good Lord; this seems to be more technical than the innards of the engine. You are warned to choose the technology carefully – choose wrongly and you’ll have a “loose fit” which might result in the consequences of friction in a sensitive part of the anatomy. Have a tight fit and squeaky sounds might emanate, as your jeans makes friends with the leather and which might be somewhat embarrassing considering the part of the anatomy we are talking about.

Finally we have the vexing issue of underthigh support. When I first encountered this term on TBHP – I double checked if I had inadvertently landed in a forum which is not of the family variety. But no; this is a grave matter. Apparently some BHPians have a riding style whereby they perch on their thighs rather than their bums (why else would thighs be more important). I would like a visual of this expert riding style as it would be pretty cool to emulate it.

Once such crucial matters have been decided upon, you then choose the colour. What about Fluorescent pink. Or Lime green. Apparently fashion divas adopt a two colour approach, with one of them matching the car’s exteriors. Wow. One of these days even car seats will sashay down the ramp as a fashion statement.

My head is in a whirl. The aforementioned guru showed me innumerable options on his computer and told me the choice was mine to make based on my tastes. Taste is not the first sensory capability that pops to the mind in relation to this matter, but we shall let that pass lightly too. My head whirled more and all gustatory perception capabilities abandoned me. I sheepishly hinted in a small voice that I would “go with his expertise”. He tut tutted and said that was no way for a BHPian to behave. I retreated with my tail between my legs. Hence this post as a plea for help from Distinguished BHPians. I am now convinced that this mythical status is perhaps beyond my reach !