[konjaril]

Ok guys, as i mentioned above i am quite famous with my bloopers i am just jotting down which are just coming on the top of my head now.

Disclaimer: All these are real life incidences and i happened to be involved everywhere



Curd Anyone?

So it is a normal day. me and my buddy were visiting Dorabjees, pune for our monthly Stuff of groceries and goods.

we were in a line for payment and suddenly i notice the lady standing in front of us, with a minimun of 10 to 15 curd cups in her basket.

Me and my freind are both Mallu's so we generally converse in mallu.

Although none of my buisness i ask my friend " what is this lady trying to do with all that curd?"

And suddenly i realise i just said that in english and she turns back. Having no other option , i just put a blank face and turned to my friend who by now had his head bowed down due to embaressment and said " maybe i should just wait outside..."

he also replied calmly without lifting his head "maybe"..



Traffic Signal:

Now this happened when i was quite young. maybe was around 10 yr old. My dad had a humble Priya scooter with him which he used as a commute on delhi roads that time.

Me and my Mom accompanied him one day to the market as a weekend outing. My fathers scooter coincidentally had developed a puncture the previous day and the stepney of the scooter was used and the punctured tire was given for repairs. So no stepney.

i was sitting on my moms lap and at one of the signals my dad pulled the scooter a little faster by mistake. Me and my mom were on the road; ouch!

But thats not it. he carried on ahead talking all the time. Only at the next signal one gentleman on a cycle catches up to my dad and tells him,
"sahab ji, aapke biwi aur baccha pichle signal pe pade hue hai.."

needless to say he jumped the scooter around and came back for us.


Please put your phone in silent mode:

Now this one i still remember like it happened yesterday. the board exams (12th) were approaching and everyone was tensed.

We were called for a last minute preperation method discussion by our tution teacher. we used to sit on one of those long wooden benches.

me and both my tution buddies were intensely listining to what our sir has to say. I was sitting in the middle and both my freinds aside. Suddenly the gentleman to my left rips a silent slow Fart and we could feel it through the bech(resonance you see lol..)

The guy totally embaressed puts on a very innocent face while we look at him and says " arey Lagta hai Phone vibrate kar raha hai " lol i still laugh at that!


Please Pay your Bill sir!

So i have been using this pretty decent broadband internet connection for a long time. One day i get a call

" sir is this Sunil Konjaril?"
i say yes

"Sir your bill for the last month is pending. when can you make the payment?"

The poor guy had a tough time conversing in english. so not to discourage him back i asked him

"Arey yaar bill abhi tak ghar pe nahi aaya to pay kaise karu?"

To which this guy responds very confused." ok sir.."
then a moment of silence and the Golden question out of him...

"Sir do you Use Internet? so i can email you the bill?"
Now this was by a guy who had called to collect my internet broadband bill. i just couldnt help laughing.



Pamela Anderson:

Office life has always been a bit dull. although my collegues have been kind enough to keep me entertained. My freind Vikram is one of them. Although he had a glitch

he wanted to portay himself as the "good boy" types with a squeky clean Image. So i tried to have some fun out of it.

We were out for lunch once and i came back early. the office was still empty. so i open up google images on my friends system and type in ' Pamela Anderson'. I dont need to explain what comes on the screen after that.

i put the monitor off with the screen showing google images. Then i put a peice of platic tape at the bottom of his laser mouse so now you try to work it, it doesnt move.( something i learned from the net.)

So Mr Vikram comes back with a satisfying lunch along with some of the engineers. i was trying hard not to laugh at this point of time.
HE PUTS ON THE SCREEN AND BOOM!

he panicks like crazy and tries to move the mouse but in vain. Now i was almost out on the floor laughing. really embaressed he quickly pulled the power cord. and ya i explained everyone it was a prank by me.lol. he still swears at me when i remind him of the incidence.

[mayankk]

@konjaril:what are you doing posting this here?
You could be making money off of RD!!
"maybe....."...good stuff!!

[vivekiny2k]

back in 2001 I was in philadelphia working for verizon as a contractor and so they used to give us a large name patch to be stuck on the shirt with name written on it.

well, I was new to the country and so I would go to nearby stores shopping or window shopping almost everyday. One day I was in the electronic aisle and this woman comes and asks me how does this phone work. I was totally confused, why. Then I realized, she must have thought I work for verizon selling phones.

Next day I was again in the store, half way thru I realized I still had he sticker on so I took it off and thru it away. within seconds I see another women (Men really don't for instructions do they) opening her mouth to ask a question, and frantically trying to locate my patch. She must have seen it earlier and was wondering where did my badge go LOL. the look was priceless.


In the same trip I want to empire state bldg and on the top a group of girls, (I think oriental) asked me if I could take their group picture. I said "sure", and pretended to coolly take out my camera and almost clicked it before they burst out laughing and handed me their camera.

[konjaril]

Originally Posted by mayankk

@konjaril:what are you doing posting this here?
You could be making money off of RD!!
"maybe....."...good stuff!!

Ha ha thanks a lot mayank, there are a few more to come. once i get the time i will surely post them too.

@vivekiny2k i really could imagine the camera situation.lol classic.

[dkhatau]

This happened a few years ago. We were at my friend's sister's wedding at Holiday Inn. My friend and me were going up in the lift and we had two firangs also in the lift. One firang had long pony tail so my friend started humming choti wale choti kata, and to our horror the firang replied in hindi and said mujhe hindi bolna aata hai. We both were so embarrassed that just kept our heads down exited at our floor quickly. Still laugh at that incident.

[Sam Kapasi]

For those who have Dutch and German friends, it is actually common knowledge that they simply don't get along and there are plenty jokes about this.

We were at a German brunch in Mumbai where we'd met some new people. My wife was chatting to a young man and when I came over later, she introduced him by name. I assumed he was German too.

Doesn't he remind you of someone? asked my wife.
Hmm? I smile, thinking.
Doesn't he look like your colleague Remko?
Oooo Yeah.

He laughs good-naturedly in the conversation, not knowing who Remko is.

I decide to strike up some humour. I wouldn't be laughing if I was you, heh heh, Remko is Dutch.

His smile wipes itself off. So am I, he says.

I turn around, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me. It never happens.


Moral: Don't make these racist, ethnic, country vs country jokes etc in front of strangers.

[GTO]

A cousin sister, from a family known for its stinginess, was getting engaged. She chose a club in the far suburbs as the venue for the function, being well aware that it's a 2 hour commute for 95% of the invitee list on a weekday. So, anyways, all of us grumbled and got on our way.

It was an el-cheapo place....a rundown terrace of a club that makes you go "What on earth were they thinking?"!! The food was even worse, think "plain water in dal" types. I decided to abandon my plate within 2 minutes of picking it up, and on the way to the plate drop-off bucket, bumped into another cousin of mine. My exact words to her "Save yourself the headache and bad stomach. Don't even think of filling up your plate. You will puke. If ever there was a worst food award at a family function, this would be it".

Dropped the plate and went back to where my family was sitting. 2 minutes later, I realise that the cousin who I complained about the food to, was the daughter-in-law of the host family. She was responsible for the event logistics (including food arrangements).

Well, I hope she looked at my comments as constructive criticism

[ajmat]

They really hate each other but one loves their cars and the other loves their beaches and lakes

I used to work with a dutch associate. One day , I landed up with a german reg hire car. We drove into Amsterdam. Each time, at a traffic light, when green was to appear, he used to reach over and toot the horn to rattle me. I must have died 1000 deaths due to the dirty looks. i asked him why - you have a german car, we must make the most of it.

Another time, the dutch won a football matchi n the 90's. The locals danced in the steet doing the conga, they spotted a merc with german plates, guess where the conga path led.


Another classmate drove a german reg car in Holland and suddenly found an ammoniac smell when driving. Someone had peed in the airvents!

[vivekiny2k]

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Moral: Don't make these racist, ethnic, country vs country jokes etc in front of strangers.

very similar to what happened to me back in infy. I ask one of our new batchmates (yes, we joined in groups of 200, like a large engg class, lots of fun and what not),
"Hi, where are you from."
He: "trivendrum."
I: "Oh, You look like a bengali"
He: "Oh, thanks"
I: "You must like bengalis" , (with a smirk)
He: "I am .... banerjee"
(Damn!)

Now I like bengalis (and all other indians), but sometimes we are so pressured into creating humor, that such things come out for no apparent reason.

About the language, one of my friends and his friend were in washington DC in a checkout line behind a hot babe commenting "kya maal hai" (what a babe) and all. After checking out her stuff she turns around and says "main indian hun" (I am indian). To make things worse she asks them if she could drop them on her way

To think of now, that could have been a nice start of a relationship. Missed opportunity for them.

[manaa45]

it was time for my SSC Board results in 1994. I was confident that I would get something between 70 to 75% in my results. Who ever asked me, what result are you expecting and I would rattle off of what I was confident of.

Came the day of results and you all would remember that it was very famous to get the results from some contacts earlier in the morning much before the actual result time. My mom as usual gave the hall ticket number to one of her friend and after sometime it was declared that I had got a meager 52%. My mom was so devasted as well as angry with me for having scored such low marks. My cousin was with me and she tried stopping my mom from getting angry any more. My mom did not even allow me to go to the school to collect my result and all I could do all the while is sit and cry becos I wouldnt be able to meet my friends anymore.
The result was to be collected at 3 pm from the school and she reached there on time to ensure that she did not have to give any explanations to other parents as to why I scored so less. She met my class teacher who obviously asked about me and why hadn't I come to collect the result. My mom was surprised to see my teacher smiling after looking at my result and my mom just asked her whether I had done well. My teacher said yes I had done well and had scored 73%. My mom was shell shocked. She kept on asking my teacher, is this true??? until she saw the report herself and that very moment she rushed out to give me the good news. But those were the days where there were no cell phones and even landlines were far and few with lot of line of other parents to make calls.
She just hopped into the rickshaw and came home where I was waiting with baited breath for all the anger to get showered on me, instead she hugged me and cried so much. I still can never forget that day and the 6 hours spent having all kind of emotions coming out in full force.

[sumeethaldankar]

In my first Co, we had a shuttle bus drop to the railway station. Once in the shuttle there was man sitting next to me and he got up to get down at his stop.As he headed towards the exit i noticed a wallet lying beside on the seat next to me.I grabbed it and called out to the person saying you have left your wallet behind.

As he turned around to look at me i noticed that the wallet in my hand looked a bit familiar.It was black with weaving stripes much similar to mine.To me and my friends amusement i realised the wallet was my own and i was handing it over to a stranger thinking it was his.

[esteem_lover]

Originally Posted by manaa45

She just hopped into the rickshaw and came home where I was waiting with baited breath for all the anger to get showered on me, instead she hugged me and cried so much. I still can never forget that day and the 6 hours spent having all kind of emotions coming out in full force.

Could have been a much more serious damage in this time and age. Parents should never put so much pressure on kids, IMHO. Glad you took it well and having a laugh about it now.

Originally Posted by sumeethaldankar

In my first Co, we had a shuttle bus drop to the railway station. Once in the shuttle there was man sitting next to me and he got up to get down at his stop.As he headed towards the exit i noticed a wallet lying beside on the seat next to me.I grabbed it and called out to the person saying you have left your wallet behind.

As he turned around to look at me i noticed that the wallet in my hand looked a bit familiar.It was black with weaving stripes much similar to mine.To me and my friends amusement i realised the wallet was my own and i was handing it over to a stranger thinking it was his.

This is a good one sumeet, a real one.

[avisidhu]

During college time, we were sitting in a small cramped room just outside our college enjoying what used be our idea of having a good time: Maggie with tea.
There was a table lying in the corner of the room. A guy comes in with the great rush announcing that he intends to pick that particular table and carry it outside, and that we need not move since he will carry it above our heads. Before we can even react, he reaches for the table and picks it up at about shoulder height and rushes outside. Only to find his friends waiting outside, and our entire group burst out laughing.
The genius didn't realize that the top of the table was detached from the legs, he had happily gone out side with the round plastic top, leaving the legs of the table behind

[honeybee]

Originally Posted by manaa45

it was time for my SSC Board results in 1994. I was confident that I would get something between 70 to 75% in my results. Who ever asked me, what result are you expecting and I would rattle off of what I was confident of.

...

Something similar, though it happened at my 12th exam. The results were out and I knew there would be a rush at the college in the evening (my college was at Mulund, about 45 minutes by train back then). So I was just resting at home. Mom called me up from her office, after she learnt that the results were out. We didn't have a phone then, so she called up at our neighbour's. And since I was reluctant to go she gave me quite an earful. Resigned, I put on my clothes and set off. She came home early and found that I wasn't home yet.

Then she started having all sorts of doubts and worries. I had been delayed by the rush at the college, and I came home finally at around 8 in the night. Till then she had repented enough on her haste to send me away to get the results.



Another touching incident: One evening as I was walking home from an errand, I was busy talking on my cellphone. I noticed an old lady standing on the footpath. She obviously wanted to get down but couldn't, because the footpath was quite raised (at least a foot) and the ramp was quite steep. She was worried she might slip and was looking around to see if someone could offer assistance. I guessed it all in a glance and while talking, offered my hand to her. She climbed down the ramp and then asked me, "How did you know I wanted to get down?" I replied I too had had a grandmother.

[prince_pervez]

Originally Posted by konjaril

Traffic Signal:

Now this happened when i was quite young. maybe was around 10 yr old. My dad had a humble Priya scooter with him which he used as a commute on delhi roads that time.

Me and my Mom accompanied him one day to the market as a weekend outing. My fathers scooter coincidentally had developed a puncture the previous day and the stepney of the scooter was used and the punctured tire was given for repairs. So no stepney.

i was sitting on my moms lap and at one of the signals my dad pulled the scooter a little faster by mistake. Me and my mom were on the road; ouch!

But thats not it. he carried on ahead talking all the time. Only at the next signal one gentleman on a cycle catches up to my dad and tells him,
"sahab ji, aapke biwi aur baccha pichle signal pe pade hue hai.."

needless to say he jumped the scooter around and came back for us.

Lol! This reminds me of our incident long long back when we were little kids. We went to Gokhale nagar Pune for a family function and my dad took out the scooter and was talking to a gentleman. I was on the footboard and my little brother who was with mom jumped on the scooter behind my dad and hugged him tight. My father who was busy with the other gentleman thought that my mom had taken her seat on the scooter and said bye to the gentleman and took off. My mom called my brother's name from behind, he looked back and waved back at her as though she was saying bye to him. (This she told us later, we could not hear her call)

Half way through my dad realised his folly and he decided to continue to where we were supposed to reach next. My mom took a rickshaw and the look on my mom's face when she saw dad - Priceless.