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Old 21st January 2006, 16:15   #841
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The magic question - Is he running away from his wife, or to his wife (and away from the mistress)?

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Old 21st January 2006, 16:29   #842
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[

The magic question - Is he running away from his wife, or to his wife (and away from the mistress)?

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Must be showing off burning the RUBBER ...
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Old 22nd January 2006, 16:35   #843
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Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.

Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.

"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.

His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"

Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."

The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"


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Old 22nd January 2006, 16:36   #844
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Cool Hotel Keralafonia

Hotel Kerala-fonia - By The Yeeguls

On a dark city one-way
"Nariyal Thel" in my hair
Warm smell of aviyal
Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a green tube light
My tongue grew heavy, and my stomach grew thin
I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the door way
Repairing the calling bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Ker-hella.....
Oh! It is hell

Then he lit up a petromax
And cursed the electricity board away
There were some mallus down the corridor
Thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
What a lousy place (background)
Such a lousy place
Many a bug at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
A coil of Tortoise
You can find it here

The finger in his nose is definitely twisted
As three sneezes it sends
He makes a lot of weird, weird noises
When the finger bends

How they 'kusthi' in the courtyard
Sticky Mallu sweat
The man pleaded for mercy
While his wife whipped him with a belt

So I called up the deaf captain
Please tell me the time
He ran into
The kitchen and brought me beef fry, soda and lime

And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray..

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
What a lousy place (background)
Such a lousy place
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
No surprise
Those are real mice...
Of a dog's size

The blind man was feeling
Yesterday's sambhar on rice
And he said
We are all just pensioners here
In Silk Smitha-disguise

And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But just can't cut the meat

Last thing I remember
I was lying on the floor
The half eaten tapeworm in my snack made my tummy sore
Relax, said the moustached watchman

An enema you shall receive
They made me lie on my back
While my soul packed up to leave..............


Any1 From Kerela Pls Dunt Get Offended......
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Old 25th January 2006, 19:03   #845
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nice joke
really funny
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Old 25th January 2006, 19:06   #846
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Default blonde joke

[SIZE=2]Blonde paint jobA blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
[/SIZE]
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Old 27th January 2006, 21:35   #847
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A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the

phone:"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone .....


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Old 27th January 2006, 23:39   #848
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By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. ''You've got to have a room somewhere,'' he pleaded. ''Or just a bed, I don't care where.'' ''Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,'' admitted the manager, ''and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.'' ''No problem,'' the tired Marine assured him. ''I'll take it.''
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ''How'd you sleep?'' asked the manager. ''Never better.'' The manager was impressed. ''No problem with the other guy snoring, then?'' ''Nope, I shut him up in no time,'' said the Marine. ''How'd you manage that?'' asked the manager. ''He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,'' the Marine explained. ''I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me.''
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Old 28th January 2006, 01:14   #849
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Micheal Jackson's wife delivers a baby boy, he asks the doctor, how long do I have to wait to have sex..
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Doctor says wait atleast until he is 13 years old....
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Old 31st January 2006, 00:56   #850
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After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."


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Old 1st February 2006, 11:54   #851
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The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old. The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
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Old 1st February 2006, 13:24   #852
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http://www.sta.nus.edu.sg/~zhangjt/life/lovegame.html
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Old 2nd February 2006, 02:23   #853
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Default Exactly

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But,
one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.Someone else must have shot that lion."

"Exactly"...



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Old 2nd February 2006, 02:37   #854
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mohit
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old. The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
hey this one is really cool...c'mon man, send more like this!!!
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Old 2nd February 2006, 11:53   #855
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Default A few cartoons













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