[DCEite]

Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepared for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony. Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always had a standard response to the first question. But this time.....

Tony Greig : So Inzi, it's a fantastic news that your wife is pregnant for the second time now!

Inzamam : Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Without his strokes it not have been possible. He was pulling the good *****. Also Bob Woolmer, who kept a close watch on the progress and gave the proper instructions. It's all a team effort which pulled us out of big hole. Insha Allah, we all will work together as team, put in big effort and deliver good results all the time !!!

[Deeps]

Ahh, dceite you made my day. that was hilarious.

[VtecDeGr8]

This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!

OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987
ESSAY QUESTION
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)

Answer: This is courage
.Period

[VtecDeGr8]

And now I'm able to find a gap in this application - I'm not able to edit the subject...

From my previous post in this thread:

Courage (This not a joke...still I bet you guys like this)

read it as

Edit: Courage (Not a joke...still I bet you guys like this)

[revtech]

HAHAHA check this out !!

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."


Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."


Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said,"last night I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"



Rev

[nishant_kingpin]

This is how a Professor at IIM A explains Marketing concepts...
__________________________________________________ _________

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very

rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and

say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.

You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a
ride,

and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."

That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me"

She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"

And she introduces you to her husband.

That's Demand and supply gap.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and before you say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"

She turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife!

That's competition eating into your market share.

[abhibh]

Nishant man all i can say is .. LMFAO.. ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[abhibh]

Laloo At M*cro$oft

Once Laloo of Bihar, sent his bio data to america to apply for a post in M*cro$oft Corporation. A few days later he got this reply.

" Dear Mr. Laloo , you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send
any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks"

Laloo jumped with joy on recieving this reply and arranged a party. when
all the guests arrived, he said, "Bhaiyon aur behno, aap ko Jaan kar
khushi hogee ki hum amreeca mein naukri mil gayeen hoon."

Everyone was delighted...

Laloo continued.....

" Ab main aap sab ko apna appointment letter padkar sunaoonga, par letter
english mein hain isliyen saath - saath hindi mein translate bhi karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo ----- Pyare Laloo bhaiya
You do not meet ----- Aap to milte hi naheen ho
Our requirement----- Humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondance----- Ab letter wetter bhejne
ka kauno jaroorat nahi
No phone call ------- Phoonwa ka bhi jaroorat nahee.
Shall be entertained ----- Bahut khatir ki jayegi
Thanks---- Aapka bahut bahut dhanyavad

[nishant_kingpin]

Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Some one told him that if goes and prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church and a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, and prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there.Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away.
However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day.
Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho . Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."
After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."

After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, and than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the statue:

"Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!" :

[revtech]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.

We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.

Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"


Rev

[revtech]

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"


Rev

[RohitD]

Oops i donno if its a repost....

A woman and a man are involved in
a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of
their cars are totally demolished but
amazingly neither of them are hurt.


After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,
that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."


The man replied, "I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God!


The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another
miracle... My car is completely demolished but this bottle
of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this
wine and celebrate our good fortune."


Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman.



The woman takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man.


The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"


The woman replies,
"No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[abhibh]

OMG, Rohit that was hilarious... ROFL... Its good that i dont drink

[Samurai]

It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Awards' for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States .

THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:

5th Place (Tied)
Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded 780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms.Robertson's son.

5th Place (Tied)
19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car where he was trying to steal the hubcaps.

5th Place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol , Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place Jerry Williams of Little Rock , Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and Medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.

2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place !!!!!
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma . MrGrazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set
the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back to make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor home The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there
were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.

[amitoj]

hahahaa... that was hilarious, Samurai! Do u have a link or something to archived Stella awards?