The Official Joke thread

SRK · 27th November 2007, 20:35

HAHAH!! Things like these Happen only in India. (Specially in these overcrowded Mumbai Train)

ajmat · 28th November 2007, 10:56

What is Effective Communication??

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether

it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I

pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect

to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told

him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I

smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all

means."

Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??

condor · 28th November 2007, 11:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajmat

For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??

Giving the boss a chance to eat into my vacation time ? Never.

diabloo · 28th November 2007, 11:27

Condor bhai, instead of asking for vacation during project, ask for project work during vacation

. In your vacation, its only vacation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajmat

For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

Giving the boss a chance to eat into my vacation time ? Never.

condor · 29th November 2007, 20:06

@JKDas, what will your invite look like ?

v1kram · 30th November 2007, 21:20

@condor, nice one. hope jk reads this

abhibh · 2nd December 2007, 15:21

Illegal drag racing:

v1p3r · 3rd December 2007, 03:37

This is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! I mean I couldn't get through the first minute without rolling on the floor!

YouTube - Condom Song

ajmat · 3rd December 2007, 09:30

It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is
one with none:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the
birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says
she cannot tell. They argue all afternoon whether it is a son of a birch or
a son of a beech.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you end this argument and tell us if that is a son of a beech or a
son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He
replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however,
the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker into

P1tBull · 3rd December 2007, 21:40

Car Talk

What's going on in the specialty/classic car forums?

Bentley Forum
- - - I used the ash tray today. Do I need to replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forum
- - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forum
- - - Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Honda forum
- - - Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forum
- - - Why do I keep getting pulled over? it ain't stolen, yo.

VW Bug forum
- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- - - When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- - - Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forum
- - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy 4X4 forum
- - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Ford Crown Victoria forum
- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Prius forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forum
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forum
- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forum
- - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar forum
- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. Best way to get urine stains out of leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - - Some punk kid in a F16 jet fighter tried to race me.

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
- - - Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

Neon SRT Forum
- - - Will this void my warranty?

RX7 Forum
- - - 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.

DSM Forum
- - - Transmission Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me

Supra Forum
- - - Head too big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette Forum
- - - Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?

Ford 2.3 forum
- - - Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start!
Hmm? What about Alfas? Well, ok:
Alfa Romeo forum
- - - [new Alfas:] Have to turn left blinker on to get car to start, ***?
- - - [old Alfas:] Loosened all head nuts to re-torque gasket, heard gurgling sound. Is this bad?

tifosikrishna · 3rd December 2007, 23:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by v1p3r

This is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! I mean I couldn't get through the first minute without rolling on the floor!

YouTube - Condom Song

hilarious and very novel way of spreading the message....

Nitin · 4th December 2007, 03:31

Superb one,p1tbull!! Some of the phrases are so apt..couldn't have matched the car maker/car better.

condor · 4th December 2007, 08:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by P1tbull

Toyota Prius forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

@aZa, that was good one you had posted.
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/328160-post1627.html

P1tbull, @ajmat beat you to this one.
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/327731-post1623.html

P1tBull · 4th December 2007, 08:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

P1tbull, @ajmat beat you to this one.
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/327731-post1623.html

Ah, but his is from the other side of the pond. Notice that he uses pounds for currency, while I use $$$

Back on topic, I've got some really disgusting shockers which nobody else on the planet will post. Want to "hear" them?

speedzak · 4th December 2007, 12:56

Let's hear it! (Twenty is a nu8mber)

28th November 2007, 10:56	#2342
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 15,196 Thanked: 31,449 Times View My Garage	Art of Asking Questions What is Effective Communication?? Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means." Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask. For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??

27th November 2007, 20:35	#2341
SRK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,206 Thanked: 536 Times	HAHAH!! Things like these Happen only in India. (Specially in these overcrowded Mumbai Train)

29th November 2007, 20:06	#2345
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,241 Thanked: 16,893 Times View My Garage	@JKDas, what will your invite look like ?

30th November 2007, 21:20	#2346
v1kram BHPian Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Coimbatore /YEG Posts: 466 Thanked: 242 Times	@condor, nice one. hope jk reads this

2nd December 2007, 15:21	#2347
abhibh Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Back in the HOOD near you! Posts: 2,768 Thanked: 39 Times	Illegal drag racing:

3rd December 2007, 09:30	#2349
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 15,196 Thanked: 31,449 Times View My Garage	It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one with none: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says she cannot tell. They argue all afternoon whether it is a son of a birch or a son of a beech. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you end this argument and tell us if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker into

3rd December 2007, 21:40	#2350
P1tBull BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 91 Thanked: 2 Times	Car Talk What's going on in the specialty/classic car forums? Bentley Forum - - - I used the ash tray today. Do I need to replace it? Camaro/Firebird Forum - - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back. Mustang forum - - - Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me. Honda forum - - - Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me. Monte Carlo forum - - - Why do I keep getting pulled over? it ain't stolen, yo. VW Bug forum - - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics) Yugo Forum - - - When's the last time yours ran? Lamborghini forum - - - Wind noise around 210MPH Miata forum - - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics) Chevy 4X4 forum - - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics) BMW 7-series forum - - - Where to get service on my Rolex? Cadillac forum - - - Problems parallel parking at bingo. Buick Forum - - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me? Delorean forum - - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985. Ford Crown Victoria forum - - - How come people never pass me on the highway? Honda Accord forum - - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims. Toyota Prius forum - - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's? Ferrari forum - - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast. Porsche forum - - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself? Saturn forum - - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace. Jaguar forum - - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on? Mini forum - - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics) Dodge Viper forum - - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. Best way to get urine stains out of leather? McLaren F1 forum - - - Some punk kid in a F16 jet fighter tried to race me. Hummer forum - - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas. Fiat forum - - - Hello? Am I the only member? Subaru WRX forum - - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot. Chevy pickup forum - - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck? Neon SRT Forum - - - Will this void my warranty? RX7 Forum - - - 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me. DSM Forum - - - Transmission Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me Supra Forum - - - Head too big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa. Vette Forum - - - Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel? Ford 2.3 forum - - - Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start! Hmm? What about Alfas? Well, ok: Alfa Romeo forum - - - [new Alfas:] Have to turn left blinker on to get car to start, ***? - - - [old Alfas:] Loosened all head nuts to re-torque gasket, heard gurgling sound. Is this bad?

4th December 2007, 03:31	#2352
Nitin Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 3,294 Thanked: 22 Times View My Garage	Superb one,p1tbull!! Some of the phrases are so apt..couldn't have matched the car maker/car better.

4th December 2007, 12:56	#2355
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Let's hear it! (Twenty is a nu8mber)