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Old 31st July 2008, 17:21   #3091
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Q.Define a gynaecologist.
Ans:He is a foolish person who looks out for problems in an area where people usually look out for pleasure.
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Old 31st July 2008, 17:33   #3092
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Originally Posted by vinayvtec View Post
Check this : Bar da Boa

BE PATIENT & PLEASE, wait for the lady to appear, then ...


3. WRITE the name of the person who irritates you a lot in the 2nd LINE

4. Press the VISUALIZAR bar.
Great is an understatement for this one!
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Old 31st July 2008, 18:28   #3093
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30 craziest lawsuits in USA (long, but an interesting read!)

(Condor - I searched but couldn't find this hence I am posting)

1. Sued Michael Jordan, because he looks like him.

Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Phil Knight on July 2006. Heckard claims he has suffered emotional trauma because he looks like Michael Jordan. Heckard has filed his look-alike case at the Washington County Court in Oregon and with a $832 million dollar head. Allen Heckard believes his life has been rough since people continually think he is Michael Jordan. Heckard says when he plays basketball, people are constantly telling him he plays like Michael Jordan and this has been difficult for him. Heckard is only six feet tall, so obviously those who assume he is Michael Jordan have little regard for height. Heckard even wears Air Jordan shoes, he says that they’re the most comfortable.

2. Sued after getting stuck on the house he was robbing.

In October 1998, A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t re- enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.

3. Sued the school for being called “GAY”.

A small-town teenager who was bullied for years by classmates because they believed he was gay was awarded $440,000 in a settlement. The settlement ended a longrunning battle between the Tonganoxie School District and 18-year-old Dylan Theno, who sued in May 2004 claiming he was harassed with homophobic slurs from seventh grade until he quit school his junior year. Theno, who testified that he isn’t gay, recently earned his GED and attends a vocational technical school in Kansas City .

4. Sued after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler.

In January 2000, Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson’s son.

5. Sued a after being bitten for a beagle he provoked.

In October 1999, Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it’s owner’s fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

6. Sued a restaurant after she slipped on a spilled drink.

In May 2000, a Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania $113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

7. Sued a nightclub after she fell while sneaking out.

In December 1997, Kara Walton of Claymont , Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.

8. Sued Winnebago after crashing it.

In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn’t actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)

9. Sued amusement park for not warning him to be careful of thunderstorms.

Shawn Perkins of Laurel , Ind. Perkins was hit by lightning in the parking lot Paramount ’s Kings Island amusement park in Mason , Ohio . A classic “act of God”, right? No, says Perkins’ lawyer. “That would be a lot of people’s knee-jerk reaction in these types of situations.” The lawyer has filed suit against the amusement park asking unspecified damages, arguing the park should have “warned” people not to be outside during a thunderstorm.

10. Sued against fast-good giants for being fat.

Caesar Barber, 56, of New York City . Barber, who is 5-foot-10 and 270 pounds, says he is obese, diabetic, and suffers from heart disease because fast food restaurants forced him to eat their fatty food four to five times per week. He filed suit against McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s and KFC, who “profited enormously” and asked for unspecified damages because the eateries didn’t warn him that junk food isn’t good for him. The judge threw the case out twice, and barred it from being filed a third time. Is that the end of such McCases? No way: lawyers will just find another plaintiff and start over, legal scholars say.

11. Sued his old school for being kicked off the school’s baseball team.

Cole Bartiromo, 18, of Mission Viejo , Calif. After making over $1 million in the stock market, the feds made Bartiromo pay it all back: he gained his profits, they said, using fraud. Bartiromo played baseball at school, but after his fraud case broke he was no longer allowed to participate in extracurricular sports. Bartiromo clearly learned a lot while sitting in federal court: he wrote and filed his own lawsuit against his high school, reasoning that he had planned on a pro baseball career but, because he was kicked off the school’s team, pro scouts wouldn’t be able to discover him. His suit demands the school reimburse him for the great salary he would have made in the majors, which he figures is $50 million.

12. Pedo priest sued his victim for warning others about him.

Priest David Hanser, 70. Hanser was one of the first Catholic priests to be caught up in the sex abuse scandal. In 1990, he settled a suit filed by one of his victims for $65,000. In the settlement, Hanser agreed not to work with children anymore, but the victim learned that Hanser was ignoring that part of the agreement. The victim appealed to the church, asking it to stop Hanser from working near children, but the church would not intervene. “It’s up to the church to decide where he works,” argued the priest’s lawyer. When the outraged victim went to the press to warn the public that a pedo priest was near children, Hanser sued him for the same $65,000 because he violated his own part of the deal — to keep the settlement secret. The message is clear: shut up about outrageous abuse, or we’ll sue you for catching us.

13. Sued the neighbor he was trying to steal from.

In June 1998, a 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.

14. Moved to a storage unit, then sued the storage yard.

Wanda Hudson, 44, of Mobile , Ala. After Hudson lost her home to foreclosure, she moved her belongings to a storage unit. She says she was inside her unit one night “looking for some papers” when the storage yard manager found the door to her unit ajar — and locked it. She denies that she was sleeping inside, but incredibly did not call for help or bang on the door to be let out! She was not found for 63 days and barely survived; the formerly “plump” 150-pound woman lived on food she just happened to have in the unit, and was a mere 83 pounds when she was found. She sued the storage yard for $10 million claiming negligence. Even though the jury was not allowed to learn that Hudson had previously diagnosed mental problems, it found Hudson was nearly 100 percent responsible for her own predicament — but still awarded her $100,000.

15. Sued his dog-sitter after the dog escaped.

Doug Baker, 45, of Portland , Ore. Baker says God “steered” him to a stray dog. He admits “People thought I was crazy” to spend $4,000 in vet bills to bring the injured mutt back to health, but hey, it was God’s dog! But $4,000 was nothing: he couldn’t even take his girlfriend out to dinner without getting a dog-sitter to watch him. When the skittish dog escaped the sitter, Baker didn’t just put an ad in the paper, he bought display ads so he could include a photo. His business collapsed since he devoted full time to the search for the dog. He didn’t propose to his girlfriend because he wanted the dog to deliver the ring to her. He hired four “animal psychics” to give him clues to the animal’s whereabouts, and hired a witch to cast spells. He even spread his own urine around to “mark his territory” to try to lure the dog home! And, he said, he cried every day. Two months in to the search, he went looking for the dog where it got lost — and quickly found it. His first task: he put a collar on the mutt. (He hadn’t done that before for a dog that was so “valuable”?!) After finding the dog, he sued the dog sitter, demanding $20,000 for the cost of his search, $30,000 for the income he lost by letting his business collapse, $10,000 for “the temporary loss of the special value” of the dog, and $100,000 in “emotional damages” — $160,000 total. God has not been named as a defendant.

16. Policeman confused a Taser with a gun, killed a suspect, then sued Taser.

The City of Madera, Calif. Madera police officer Marcy Noriega had the suspect from a minor disturbance handcuffed in the back of her patrol car. When the suspect started to kick at the car’s windows, Officer Noriega decided to subdue him with her Taser. Incredibly, instead of pulling her stun gun from her belt, she pulled her service sidearm and shot the man in the chest, killing him instantly. The city, however, says the killing is not the officer’s fault; it argues that “any reasonable police officer” could “mistakenly draw and fire a handgun instead of the Taser device” and has filed suit against Taser, arguing the company should pay for any award from the wrongful death lawsuit the man’s family has filed. What a slur against every professionally trained police officer who knows the difference between a real gun and a stun gun! And what a cowardly attempt to escape responsibility for the actions of its own under-trained officer.

17. Sued the school over 10-day suspension.

Kids across America are warned to stay away from “nose candy” in anti-drug campaigns. But a Kanawha County student is fighting his suspension for pretending to put actual candy up his nose. According to a lawsuit filed in Kanawha Circuit Court on December 2006, a student-athlete at Sissonville High School was given Smarties candy as a reward for good academic performance. In front of his teacher and fellow classmates, the student pretended to put one of the small candy discs up his nose.

18. Sued him for having the same name.

The Tribune Co. of Chicago , Ill. The newspaper chain owns several newspapers, as well as the Chicago Cubs baseball team. One of its newspaper carriers was Mark Guthrie, 43, of Connecticut . One of its ball players was Mark Guthrie, 38, of Illinois . The company’s payroll department mixed the two up, putting the ballplayer’s paycheck into the paper carrier’s bank account. The carrier allowed them to take back 90 percent of the improperly paid salary, and said they could have the rest after they gave him a full accounting to ensure he not only got his own pay, but wouldn’t have any tax problems for being paid $300,000(!) extra. The Tribune Co., rather than provide that reasonable assurance, instead sued him for the rest of the money.

19. Sued Consumer Reports magazine after bad review.

“High Tech” retailer Sharper Image sells a lot of its “Ionic Breeze” air filters. As part of a comparative review of many air filters, Consumer Reports magazine found the “Ionic” unit was the worst performer. SI complained, saying it didn’t do a “fair” test. CU asked what sort of test should be done, but SI never replied — until it sued CU. A federal judge ruled the suit not only had no merit, but was actually an illegal attempt to squelch public discussion. SI was ordered to pay CU $400,000 to cover its legal defense costs.

20. Sued GM because of roof standards after accident.

Edith Morgan, mother of Kansas City Chiefs football star Derrick Thomas, who died after being thrown from his SUV in a crash while speeding in a snowstorm. Morgan said Thomas’s neck was broken because the SUV’s roof collapsed a few inches — not from rolling down the highway because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt — and sued General Motors. Her lawyer begged jurors to award more than $100 million in damages, perhaps more — he “did not want to put an upper limit on it.” GM pointed out that Thomas’s oversize SUV was exempt from federal roof crush standards, yet it met them anyway. The jury sent a message: of that $100 million, it awarded Morgan …nothing.

21. Sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town.

Tanisha Torres of Wyndanch , N.Y. The woman sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town as “Crimedanch” on her cell phone bill. She didn’t even ask them to change it; she just sued. “I’m not a criminal,” she whined. “My son plays on the high school football team.” Yeah, that makes sense. The name “Crimedanch” is a common joke; police in the area confirm it’s a high-crime area. Still, Torres claimed she suffered “outrage” and “embarrassment” at having to see that spelling on her private phone bill. The suit seeks unspecified damages.

22. Sued Mazda because it failed to provide instructions about the seatbelt.

Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill. Ubaudi was a passenger in a car that got into a wreck. She put most of the blame on the deepest pocket available: Mazda Motors, who made the car she was riding in. Ubaudi demands “in excess of $150,000″ from the automaker, claiming it “failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper use of a seatbelt.” One hopes Mazda’s attorneys make her swear in court that she has never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she’s too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt.

23. Sued Blain and Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him.

Christopher Roller of Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him — or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using “godly powers” — and since Roller is god (according to him), they’re “somehow” stealing that power from him.

24. Sued neighbors after being scared of them walking on her front porch.

Wanita “Renea” Young of Durango , Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she’s shocked (shocked!) that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may have to move. But hey: she won.

25. Sued the bank for loss of sleep over fee.

Barnard Lorence of Stuart , Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the overdraft, he filed suit over his “stress and pain” and loss of sleep over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount to a “slap on the wrist”, whereas the $2 million he’s suing for is more like being “paddled”.

26. Sued a store for “allowing” wild birds to fly around in the air.

Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird “attacked” her outside a home improvement store in Fairview Heights , Ill. , causing head injuries. That’s right: outside the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe’s store responsible for “allowing” wild birds to fly around free in the air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for “at least” $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown out of court.

27. Sued the phone company after having complications with the doctor.

Michelle Knepper of Vancouver , Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn’t Board Certified in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued …the phone company! She won $1.2 million plus $375,000 for her husband for “loss of spousal services and companionship.”

28. Sued the rescue workers who saved her.

Barbara Connors of Medfield , Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the Connecticut River , and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess that’s reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who risked their lives to save hers.

29. Sued Home Depot after a prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat.

Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the Home Depot store in Louisville , Colo. , causing Dougherty to stick to it when he sat down. “This is not Home Depot’s fault,” he proclaimed, yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty complained the offer is “insulting” and filed suit demanding $3 million.

30. Sued hospital for having to see the doctors rushing to help their mother.

Sisters Janice Bird, Dayle Bird Edgmon and Kim Bird Moran sued their mother’s doctors and a hospital after Janice accompanied her mother, Nita Bird, to a minor medical procedure. When something went wrong, Janice and Dayle witnessed doctors rushing their mother to emergency surgery. Rather than malpractice, their legal fight centered on the “negligent infliction of emotional distress” — not for causing distress to their mother, but for causing distress to them for having to see the doctors rushing to help their mother. The case was fought all the way to the California Supreme Court, which finally ruled against the women. Which is a good thing, since if they had prevailed doctors and hospitals would have had no choice but to keep you from being anywhere near your family members during medical procedures just in case something goes wrong. In their greed, the Bird sisters risked everyone’s right to have family members with them in emergencies.
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Old 1st August 2008, 10:58   #3094
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America, the land of progress. Wonder when Indians too can do so too.
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Old 1st August 2008, 11:28   #3095
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The lawsuit post is actually a myth - Legal myths: Hardly the whole truth

Last edited by tsk1979 : 1st August 2008 at 11:31.
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Old 1st August 2008, 22:38   #3096
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In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: 'Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.'

In a Japanese hotel: 'You are invited to take full advantage of the chambermaid.'

Outside a Budapest dress shop: 'Dresses for ladies street walking.'

In a Bangkok temple: 'It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner dressed as a man.'

In a Tokyo bar: 'Special cocktails for the ladies with big nuts.'

MASSIVE SALE. Wedding Gowns from £50. Bridesmaids from only £10 while stocks last.
North Yorkshire Gazette and Herald

FOR SALE. BOWELS. Almark Sterling. Size 2m. Stamped 07. Set of four. Little used. £55.
Eastern Daily Press.

VERY LARGE bag of boys assorted; £10 for the lot.

On Wednesday the Literary Society will meet in the Village Hall and the soloist will sing for us 'Put Me in Your Little Bed' accompanied as usual by the Vicar.
Yeovil Parish Magazine

Sloth: The final session of the Lent course on Sloth has been postponed.

Sick gift: Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For the Sick' is for monetary donations only.

Fatal error: "Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case."

Espied in a hotel in Colombo: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedchamber, the management suggest to patrons that the palm court be used for this purpose."

Found hanging in a bar in Bangalore: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

A high profile crack down on prostitution is in the pipeline once the Labour Party conference is over

Police sniffer dog finds crack in woman's bottom

Woman complains that doctor she was under is getting on top of her

Seven foot doctors sue hospital over staff cuts

Enraged bull attacks red-haired farmer with axe

Woman sent to prison for eight years for sex with boys

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

President Clinton places Dick In Al Gore's hands

Man struck by lightning to face battery charge

Girl scullers set record in bringing up the rear.

An Elsan chemical toilet has disappeared from a hut at Corton's golf course. Lowestoft police are investigating the theft, but say they have nothing to go on.

One-legged escapee rapist still on the run.

Man assists police in rape of nurse.

For Sale: Diamond cluster gold engagement ring. ‘Forever’ engraved inside band. Only six months old.

The monthly Weight Watchers meeting will be held at 7pm in the village hall. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

For sale: child's stool. hardly used. Great for use in garden.

Today both south and north ends of the Church are open. The vicar will baptise children at both ends.

Meeting of the young mothers' club today. Those wishing to become young mothers please see the vicar in the vestry.

Ladies of the Church have cast off clothing and may be seen in the crypt every Tuesday evening
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Old 1st August 2008, 23:19   #3097
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#10, the guy who sued the fast food giants should have won, At least I dont feel that it was frivolous
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Old 2nd August 2008, 01:16   #3098
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A very short but nice one!

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He replies "I guess you need to put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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Old 2nd August 2008, 01:24   #3099
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A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life-he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
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Old 2nd August 2008, 01:26   #3100
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The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

He asked her, "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

She replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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Old 2nd August 2008, 08:15   #3101
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iraghava : Vinay & Zak - Prepare to face Condor uncle's wrath for reposting old jokes any moment now!
Ishaan, Zak got away this time. But not every is getting lucky
gowda79 : .. Boju hung his head and whispered, "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
@Gowdare, if the hubby didnt remember the name 10 years back, he would not remember it now either ..
Quoting @Lambo, in Aug 2006 :

Ford Rocam : Now that Bill Gates has retired from Microsoft what happens if Laloo takes his position, we have Laloo's version of O.S
@Ford Rocam, I think Laloo had already made Windows his own .. he didnt wait for Gates to go out the door !

vinayvtec : Wow, what a great Night Out Permission Slip...
@Vinayji, you should have taken permission from @The Freak before giving out the applicaiton forms .. :
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Old 3rd August 2008, 08:25   #3102
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GTO : Dont know if this email forward has been posted before. Hilarious stuff!

... However, Ferrari's expectations were exceeded, as during the crew's first practice session; not only were 'da boyz' from Mumbai able to change the tires in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds had resprayed the car, filed off the chassis number and sold the vehicle over to the McLaren Team

GTO, looks like we are now getting things with an Indian flavour :
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Old 5th August 2008, 12:47   #3103
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I found this video quite funny. Hope you guys enjoy it too

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Old 5th August 2008, 16:29   #3104
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Check this out from our railways website
Name:  indian railways.bmp
Views: 2105
Size:  615.1 KB
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Old 5th August 2008, 20:11   #3105
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Even I was surprised when I to saw Google ads on the railway site. I think the railways want to sqeeze every penny of any venture.
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