The Official Joke thread

vinayvtec · 25th July 2008, 02:19

Check this : Bar da Boa

BE PATIENT & PLEASE, wait for the lady to appear, then ...

2. WRITE YOUR FIRST NAME IN THE 1st LINE.

3. WRITE the name of the person who irritates you a lot in the 2nd LINE

4. Press the VISUALIZAR bar.

srijit · 25th July 2008, 10:48

That one is great Vinay. I'll just capture the video and save it to my system

speedzak · 25th July 2008, 23:59

Little Johnny and his girl were walking along a trail in the woods.

Suzy noticed that some of the animals were behaving oddly. "Little Johnny, why is that rabbit on top that other one?" she asked.

Little Johnny stopped to consider his answer, and replied, "They're making cigarettes."

"Cigarettes?" she exclaimed, as they continue walking along. Pretty soon, they approached a couple of raccoons. Suzy asked, "Are they making cigarettes too?"

"Yea," says Little Johnny.Suzy looked around and said,

"It looks like all the animals are making cigarettes, why do not we make cigarettes?" Little Johnny was quick to say, "OK!"

An hour or so later Little Johnny and Suzy were walking out of the woods, when she asked, "Little Johnny, what kind of cigarettes did we make?"

Little Johnny stopped to think about his answer, and then replied, "Well if you get a hump in your belly it's a Camel, and if you don't it was a Lucky Strike."

Ford Rocam · 26th July 2008, 19:48

Now that Bill Gates has retired from Microsoft what happens if Laloo takes his position, we have Laloo's version of O.S

rupinder · 28th July 2008, 23:50

LIE DETECTOR!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

iraghava · 29th July 2008, 00:41

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake.

After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had casket buried upside down..."

vinayvtec · 29th July 2008, 02:57

Wow, what a great Night Out Permission Slip...

speedzak · 29th July 2008, 22:19

Baaifriend ke saath beit kar bhaiyya kehna mana hai!!

Somebody provide a proper translation please!! I am in loss of words!

speedzak · 29th July 2008, 23:08

Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee,croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts a conversation:

Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?"
Mandela: "Of course."

Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, re-bake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa."

Mandela: "Oh Really?"

Bush: "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Mandela: "Of course."

Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left over's into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa ."

Mandela: "Do you have sex in America?"
Bush: "Of course we do."

Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?"
Bush: "Throw them away of course."

Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."

iraghava · 29th July 2008, 23:54

Vinay & Zak - Prepare to face Condor uncle's wrath for reposting old jokes any moment now!

SirAlec · 30th July 2008, 02:20

Injured Thumb
A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.

'Goddammit,' said the man, 'get your damn thumb out of my food!'

'Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm.'

'Why don't you just shove it up your a$$?' the man said angrily.

'That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen.'

anujmishra · 31st July 2008, 13:26

Two guys were talking

Guy1: Government again increased petrol price, now it is very difficult for me to manage finances.

Guy2: Is it so? It did not affect me.

Guy1: How ?

Guy2: Even before increasing petrol price, I was filling petrol for 100 Rs. in my bike and after price increase still I am filling for 100 Rs. only. So no effect.

bblost · 31st July 2008, 14:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by anujmishra

Two guys were talking

Guy1: Government again increased petrol price, now it is very difficult for me to manage finances.

Guy2: Is it so? It did not affect me.

Guy1: How ?

Guy2: Even before increasing petrol price, I was filling petrol for 100 Rs. in my bike and after price increase still I am filling for 100 Rs. only. So no effect.

I used this line in a different thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bblost

Good one.

per litre price never matters to me, I always fill for 100 rupees.

Spitfire · 31st July 2008, 14:22

Goog

Keep refreshing this page for new jokes. Also search google. Came across the site when i typed goog instead of google and went CRTL+ENTER.

anujmishra · 31st July 2008, 17:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by bblost

I used this line in a different thread.

Sorry, I did not read that. Official joke thread crossed 200 pages. It would be difficult to verify.

25th July 2008, 23:59	#3078
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Making cigarettes Little Johnny and his girl were walking along a trail in the woods. Suzy noticed that some of the animals were behaving oddly. "Little Johnny, why is that rabbit on top that other one?" she asked. Little Johnny stopped to consider his answer, and replied, "They're making cigarettes." "Cigarettes?" she exclaimed, as they continue walking along. Pretty soon, they approached a couple of raccoons. Suzy asked, "Are they making cigarettes too?" "Yea," says Little Johnny.Suzy looked around and said, "It looks like all the animals are making cigarettes, why do not we make cigarettes?" Little Johnny was quick to say, "OK!" An hour or so later Little Johnny and Suzy were walking out of the woods, when she asked, "Little Johnny, what kind of cigarettes did we make?" Little Johnny stopped to think about his answer, and then replied, "Well if you get a hump in your belly it's a Camel, and if you don't it was a Lucky Strike."

26th July 2008, 19:48	#3079
Ford Rocam BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mumbai-India Posts: 869 Thanked: 23 Times	Laloo's computer Now that Bill Gates has retired from Microsoft what happens if Laloo takes his position, we have Laloo's version of O.S Attached Thumbnails

28th July 2008, 23:50	#3080
rupinder BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: ludhiana Posts: 197 Thanked: 5 Times	lie detector! LIE DETECTOR! John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy. 'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!' With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

29th July 2008, 02:57	#3082
vinayvtec BHPian Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 390 Thanked: 10 Times View My Garage	Wow, what a great Night Out Permission Slip... Attached Thumbnails

29th July 2008, 22:19	#3083
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Don't call BHAIYYA! Baaifriend ke saath beit kar bhaiyya kehna mana hai!! Somebody provide a proper translation please!! I am in loss of words!

25th July 2008, 02:19	#3076
vinayvtec BHPian Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 390 Thanked: 10 Times View My Garage	Check this : Bar da Boa BE PATIENT & PLEASE, wait for the lady to appear, then ... 2. WRITE YOUR FIRST NAME IN THE 1st LINE. 3. WRITE the name of the person who irritates you a lot in the 2nd LINE 4. Press the VISUALIZAR bar.

25th July 2008, 10:48	#3077
srijit BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Trivandrum Posts: 598 Thanked: 8 Times	That one is great Vinay. I'll just capture the video and save it to my system

29th July 2008, 00:41	#3081
iraghava Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Bhaiyyaland Posts: 7,997 Thanked: 281 Times View My Garage	An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had casket buried upside down..."

29th July 2008, 23:08	#3084
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee,croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts a conversation: Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, re-bake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa." Mandela: "Oh Really?" Bush: "Do you eat jam with the bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left over's into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa ." Mandela: "Do you have sex in America?" Bush: "Of course we do." Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?" Bush: "Throw them away of course." Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America." Last edited by speedzak : 29th July 2008 at 23:09.

29th July 2008, 23:54	#3085
iraghava Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Bhaiyyaland Posts: 7,997 Thanked: 281 Times View My Garage	Vinay & Zak - Prepare to face Condor uncle's wrath for reposting old jokes any moment now!

30th July 2008, 02:20	#3086
SirAlec Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: zxc Posts: 3,395 Thanked: 727 Times	Injured Thumb A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him. 'Goddammit,' said the man, 'get your damn thumb out of my food!' 'Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm.' 'Why don't you just shove it up your a$$?' the man said angrily. 'That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen.'

31st July 2008, 13:26	#3087
anujmishra Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,293 Thanked: 529 Times View My Garage	Petrol Price Two guys were talking Guy1: Government again increased petrol price, now it is very difficult for me to manage finances. Guy2: Is it so? It did not affect me. Guy1: How ? Guy2: Even before increasing petrol price, I was filling petrol for 100 Rs. in my bike and after price increase still I am filling for 100 Rs. only. So no effect.

31st July 2008, 14:22	#3089
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,313 Thanked: 778 Times	Goog Keep refreshing this page for new jokes. Also search google. Came across the site when i typed goog instead of google and went CRTL+ENTER.