The Official Joke thread

8th July 2008, 22:35

this might work on people hogging the inside lane on highways. found the pic here [Imagedump] April 2008 - Part 2

normally_crazy · 8th July 2008, 22:40

Why not have a duplicate joke thread ? Lets see who posts the maximum number of jokes already posted in the original joke thread. :d

Just joking off course.

speedzak · 9th July 2008, 03:58

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

WOW!!

speedmiester · 9th July 2008, 13:36

Just got this in a email.

hrag · 9th July 2008, 15:48

Please delete if offensive:

Men's Room, "Writing on the Wall"
Until I discovered women, $ex was a pain in the a$$

speedmiester · 9th July 2008, 17:45

PJ ka baap.

Q: What is the opposite of "Manchester United"?

A: "Woman Breasts R Divided"

amtak · 10th July 2008, 13:30

Difference between Potentiality and Reality

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy; what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'Reality'?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

Am I getting a comment from Condor?

Eddy · 10th July 2008, 13:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by amtak

Am I getting a comment from Condor?

Of course:

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post188002

This is fun

. Well done condor.

amtak · 10th July 2008, 14:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddy

Of course:

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post188002

This is fun

. Well done condor.

I am so sorry for the duplicate Condor sir!

Will have to think of an original Joke

Mission_Safari · 10th July 2008, 16:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by amtak

I am so sorry for the duplicate Condor sir!

Will have to think of an original Joke

Amtak,

Eddy pointed out the duplicate so why are you apologizing to Condor.

I think people are so used to saying sorry to Condor.

Sam Kapasi · 10th July 2008, 16:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddy

Hi, this is Condor logging in from Eddy's ID.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amtak

I am so sorry for the duplicate Condor sir!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mission_Safari

Amtak,

Eddy pointed out the duplicate so why are you apologizing to Condor.

Sorry MS, but that - is the joke!! lol

El Condor Pasa!

Mission_Safari · 10th July 2008, 16:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Sorry MS, but that - is the joke!! lol

El Condor Pasa!

Didn't see any smileys in the first line of Amtak's reply and hence i assumed that was a sober one. I still have a feeling i might be right.

vivekiny2k · 11th July 2008, 02:15

This hotel must be sick of it's guest

Cyrus43 · 11th July 2008, 02:38

what is the joke in the last sign? The condo one?

vivekiny2k · 11th July 2008, 04:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyrus43

what is the joke in the last sign? The condo one?

they are ready to sell the hotel, unit by unit.

well, it's just for fun. i recommend the hotel to everybody though. the location was great. exactly why i paid 160 $ a night. especially the beach view with private balcony.

Your Myrtle Beach Hotel - Sandcastle Oceanfront Resort - South Beach

8th July 2008, 22:35	#2986
rippergeo Posts: n/a	this might work on people hogging the inside lane on highways. found the pic here [Imagedump] April 2008 - Part 2 Attached Images

9th July 2008, 03:58	#2988
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Actual School Excuse Notes!!! These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: 1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. 5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.] 12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. 13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears. 16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. 19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. 22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor. WOW!!

9th July 2008, 13:36	#2989
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,458 Thanked: 7,043 Times	Evolutio of Highway Robbery!!! Just got this in a email. Attached Thumbnails

10th July 2008, 13:30	#2992
amtak Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Mumbai - The city of Sea Link!!! Posts: 2,987 Thanked: 1,111 Times	Difference between Potentiality and Reality Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy; what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'Reality'?" Dad: "I will show you" Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"? Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"! Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars? Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!" So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"? Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!" So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay. Am I getting a comment from Condor? Last edited by amtak : 10th July 2008 at 13:32.

8th July 2008, 22:40	#2987
normally_crazy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 4,305 Thanked: 544 Times View My Garage	Why not have a duplicate joke thread ? Lets see who posts the maximum number of jokes already posted in the original joke thread. :d Just joking off course.

9th July 2008, 15:48	#2990
hrag BANNED Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Bangalore / Madras Posts: 1,982 Thanked: 32 Times	Please delete if offensive: Men's Room, "Writing on the Wall" Until I discovered women, $ex was a pain in the a$$

9th July 2008, 17:45	#2991
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,458 Thanked: 7,043 Times	PJ ka baap. Q: What is the opposite of "Manchester United"? A: "Woman Breasts R Divided"

11th July 2008, 02:15	#2998
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	This hotel must be sick of it's guest

11th July 2008, 02:38	#2999
Cyrus43 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: London Posts: 5,019 Thanked: 230 Times View My Garage	what is the joke in the last sign? The condo one?