The Official Joke thread

srishiva · 30th June 2008, 14:25

[quote=salilpawar1;885325]Hope that this is not posted before:

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she
will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say,
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

This is from Seinfeld !

Prabal · 30th June 2008, 18:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

@Prabal, it looks like the Uno is facing the same problem in other countries too .. Check this :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/67106-...l Joke thread)

Am afraid, condor, the link you've given only takes me back to the main page of the forum. Help

.

condor · 30th June 2008, 18:39

surprising. but do a search for "Quattro" in this thread. You will find them.

Prabal · 30th June 2008, 19:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

surprising. but do a search for "Quattro" in this thread. You will find them.

Got it, thanks. Kuttapan beat me to it, and in reverse too

!

nishantgandhi · 1st July 2008, 16:18

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into
Team.

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Kannadiga
One Kannadiga = Mini-India.
Two Kannadiga = Software Firm.
Three Kannadiga = Government Dissoultion (Hat's off to Devegowda).
Four Kannadiga = Agitation for Kaveri Water.

Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum.
Four Bombayites = the number of people
standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.

Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four haryanavi = actually just one was enough

Mission_Safari · 1st July 2008, 16:20

Nishant, You will soon see a comment on this by condor

Eddy · 1st July 2008, 16:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mission_Safari

Nishant, You will soon see a comment on this by condor

Maybe you too for quoting such a long post

Mission_Safari · 1st July 2008, 16:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddy

Maybe you too for quoting such a long post

Thanks, I still had time to edit it. Quote gone now.

abhilash_iv · 1st July 2008, 16:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mission_Safari

Nishant, You will soon see a comment on this by condor

I don't know why, the same thought came in my mind also after reading the joke.

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 1st July 2008, 18:49

nishantgandhi - that has been posted before.

speedzak · 1st July 2008, 23:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mission_Safari

Nishant, You will soon see a comment on this by condor

I laughed to my intenstin-splittin-levels!
@Parvath. No offense meant yaar!

nishantgandhi · 1st July 2008, 23:53

Actually I guess Condor's ability to point out that a certain joke has been posted before, has in itself become a sort of a joke!

I mean, when I come across a good joke, which I feel is new, I feel like sharing with you guys. Often, it is an impulsive action so the thought of searching for it does not arise.

Just my view. Maybe some others feel the same.

diabloo · 2nd July 2008, 08:04

I think Condor is doing a good job by highlighting the duplicates. Way to go Condor

I suggestion for others is, instead of reading a 'new joke' somewhere & posting here, how about reading the already posted 'new joke' here in the 'Official Joke Thread' & enjoying?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nishantgandhi

Just my view. Maybe some others feel the same.

condor · 2nd July 2008, 12:34

Quote:

nishantgandhi

: Actually I guess Condor's ability to point out that a certain joke has been posted before, has in itself become a sort of a joke!

@Zak & @Nishanth, no offence taken. I know what I am doing when I point out the duplicates - I'm just trying to keep this thread a little fresh. A thread that's as important as any other in this forum.

Quote:

nishantgandhi

: I mean, when I come across a good joke, which I feel is new, I feel like sharing with you guys. Often, it is an impulsive action so the thought of searching for it does not arise.

This thread has about 2800 posts. Leaving out the known duplicates, the comments, and other repeats - we should have about 2000 jokes here.

Quote:

diabloo

: I suggestion for others is, instead of reading a 'new joke' somewhere & posting here, how about reading the already posted 'new joke' here in the 'Official Joke Thread' & enjoying?

@Nishant, Ever taken some time to read this thread? Try it some time - you can find a collection that you can keep sharing with all others for a long long time to come.

@diabloo, thanks !

Like Arif-bhai said :

Quote:

arif_t01

: But having said that, I wouldn't want to read the same post again and again.

Regarding finding repeats, a joke often rings a bell when you read it.

Quote:

arif_t01

: My point is simple: In some cases, its really hard to search and find out whether it has been posted before!
Sam Kapasi

: I'll give you 2 words - advanced search. Takes 15 seconds tops. Copy a few words from a joke you intend to post and try it.

Also check these out :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/829373-post2813.html
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/829508-post2818.html
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/829615-post2820.html

Like they say, Humor is Serious Business. You dont want to be a bore, do you ?

condor · 2nd July 2008, 12:39

Quote:

Eddy

: Maybe you too for quoting such a long post

Mission_Safari

: Thanks, I still had time to edit it. Quote gone now.

@Eddy & @M_S, this is OT, but thanks for seeing the needlessness of quoting a full message in one's posts, esp in this situation.

1st July 2008, 16:18	#2960
nishantgandhi Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,220 Thanked: 156 Times	No offence to any community!! Bengali One Bengali = poet. Two Bengalis = a film society. Three Bengalis = political party. Four Bengalis = two political parties. More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team. Bihari One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav. Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad. Three Biharis = caste killing. Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna. Punjabi One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky. Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky. Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds. Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one. Mallu One Mallu = coconut stall. Two Mallus = a boat race. Three Mallus = Gulf job racket. Four Mallus = oil slick. UP Bhaiyya One UP bhaiyya = a milkman. Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop. Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly. Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad. Kannadiga One Kannadiga = Mini-India. Two Kannadiga = Software Firm. Three Kannadiga = Government Dissoultion (Hat's off to Devegowda). Four Kannadiga = Agitation for Kaveri Water. Gujju One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train. Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train. Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant. Four Gujjus = stock market scam. Andhraite One Andhraite = chili farmer. Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey. Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit. Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie. Kashmiri One Kashmiri = carpet salesman. Two Kashmiris = carpet factory. Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit. Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order. Tamil-Brahmin One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple. Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class. Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m. Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara. Bombayite One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall. Two Bombayites = film studio. Three Bombayites = slum. Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour. Sindhi One Sindhi = currency racket. Two Sindhis = papad factory. Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar. Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association. Marwari One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator. Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta. Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis. Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community. Haryanvi One Haryanavi = tube light Two Haryanavi = agriculture Three haryannavi= Lathi squad Four haryanavi = actually just one was enough

1st July 2008, 16:20	#2961
Mission_Safari BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chennai Posts: 449 Thanked: 6 Times	Nishant, You will soon see a comment on this by condor Last edited by Mission_Safari : 1st July 2008 at 16:25.

30th June 2008, 14:25	#2956
srishiva Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 4,375 Thanked: 2,256 Times	[quote=salilpawar1;885325]Hope that this is not posted before: 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up. This is from Seinfeld !

30th June 2008, 18:39	#2958
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 15,864 Thanked: 16,008 Times View My Garage	surprising. but do a search for "Quattro" in this thread. You will find them.

1st July 2008, 18:49	#2965
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,522 Thanked: 752 Times	nishantgandhi - that has been posted before.

1st July 2008, 23:53	#2967
nishantgandhi Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,220 Thanked: 156 Times	Actually I guess Condor's ability to point out that a certain joke has been posted before, has in itself become a sort of a joke! I mean, when I come across a good joke, which I feel is new, I feel like sharing with you guys. Often, it is an impulsive action so the thought of searching for it does not arise. Just my view. Maybe some others feel the same.