This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Santa retired, Mrs. Santa insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Santa was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Santa was like most women--she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Santa received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Santa
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1 . June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: W alked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding d epartment.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least ...
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Regards, Wal-Mart Management
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked the door on the first house of a street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady.
Do not commit anything to customers until you have got all the requirements
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A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my t**ticles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown, Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
Last edited by Kool_Kid : 16th July 2008 at 17:40.