14th September 2006, 16:39
| #1516 |
| Team-BHP Support   |  As I have matured..... 've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished. I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things. I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back. I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the *** are permanent. |
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15th September 2006, 03:50
| #1517 |
| Team-BHP Support  | And u say u hav problems....... Once two men sat in a bar drinking. The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems." The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine. I married a widow having a young daughter. my father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occured when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems". manson. |
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15th September 2006, 16:43
| #1518 |
| BHPian  | An elephant & an ant were in love. But, their families didnt agree. So Guess wat the ant said to her mom..? . . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Uska baccha mere pet mein phal raha hai......!" |
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15th September 2006, 23:34
| #1519 |
| Senior - BHPian  |  |
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18th September 2006, 16:33
| #1520 |
| BANNED | Rudolph the Red...... One day, a Russian couple are walking down the street, trying to find some black bread to go with there cabbage soup, when the husband says, "Did you just feel rain there?" "No, I thought it felt more like snow", replied his wife and, as these things go in married life, it developed into an argument. Just then, a communist party official walked by. "Lets ask Rudolph if it is officially raining or snowing today", suggested the woman. So they asked. "Today it is officially raining", said the Rudolph, and walked away. "I still thought it was snow", moaned the mans wife, to which he replied," Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"  |
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19th September 2006, 08:12
| #1521 | |
| Distinguished - BHPian   | http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/292838-post1514.html Quote:
Note the year of this one. Was a nice, funny song. Many, many years ago when I was 23 I was married to a Wider who was purty as can be This Wider had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red My father fell in love with her and soon they two were wed This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life For my daughter was my mother cause she was my father's wife To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle though it made me very sad For if he was my uncle then that also made him brother Of the Wider's grown up daughter who of course was my step-mother My father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run And he became my granchild for he was my daughters son My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although she is my wife she's my grandmother too I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa Oh if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild For now I have become strangest case you ever saw As husband of my own grandmother I'm my own grampa I'm my own grampa, I'm my own grampa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grampa Last edited by condor : 19th September 2006 at 08:13. | |
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19th September 2006, 18:07
| #1522 |
| Distinguished - BHPian  Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: GTA
Posts: 14,827
Thanked: 2,673 Times
| PJ of the Day :D Schumi and Alonso are in a desert. Evening comes, they set up their tent. Both go to sleep. Alonso wakes up in the middle of the night. Schumi isn't in the tent. He can hear something coming from outside the tent. Alonso peeps out and sees Schumi running around the tent like crazy, a big lion after him... Alonso: Run faster, he's gonna catch you! -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Schumi: Don'tworry, I lead by three laps...  |
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19th September 2006, 18:29
| #1523 |
| Distinguished - BHPian  | OK chal I'm gona type out a joke i heard many years ago Once this guy wakes up and comes down to the dining room and his wife looks at him and says "OMG! What happened to you" He says. "why? I feel absolutely fine" She says "You look awful, better sit, don't go to work today" He gets annoyed, because he feels fantastic. Leaves for office, as soon as he enters, his secretary says "What happened sir? You look terrible!!!" He says "but i feel fine, what is going on, what is everyone talking about" Looks in the mirror. "I do look bad today" thought he. Toh, he went to the doctor. Doctor saw him, one look and he said "OMG!! You'd better ie down you look AWFUL!!" "But i feel fine doctor!! In fact i feel great! What's wrong?" "I don't know myself, let me refer to the big fat book all doctors must refer to" (reading) "Look good, feel fine, no Look good, feels terrible, no no no AAAh Here is is Looks terrible, feels fantastic - YOU'RE A VAGINA!" |
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19th September 2006, 19:07
| #1524 |
| BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India
Posts: 4,347
Thanked: 21 Times
| SAM!!!! Please!! Man, I'm just |
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20th September 2006, 21:48
| #1525 |
| BHPian  | Accident Reports
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21st September 2006, 16:44
| #1526 |
| Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: GTA
Posts: 14,827
Thanked: 2,673 Times
| Besides a repost it ainta true story I have this joke with different reasons(for two weeks parking) & with different cars including Rolls Royce |
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22nd September 2006, 18:08
| #1527 |
| BANNED | Cricket Explained Cricket explained You have two sides one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out. When they are all out the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When both sides have been in and out including the not outs, THAT’S THE END OF THE GAME ! HOWZAT !!!!! The cricketer and the psychiatrist The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist. Cricketer: ‘It’s terrible. I can’t score runs, I’m a terrible bowler, and I can’t hold a catch. What can l do? Doctor: ‘Get another job.’ Cricketer: ‘I can’t. I’m playing for England tomorrow!’ Devils versus Angels cricket match The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket. “But we’ve got all the cricketers,” said the Angels. “Yes. But we’ve got all the umpires!” exclaimed The Devils |
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22nd September 2006, 19:39
| #1528 |
| Distinguished - BHPian | Bulletin Boards are meant for these .. * Actual Mail thread. * All names have been edited * Contains multiple smilies, as in the original thread. Mods, pls edit / del if required ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: NCJ Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:45 AM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Hi, Can we have better coffee vending machines in Bglr DC like other DC's? I remember we had got this Horlicks/Bornvita Vending machines in Hyd-DC (one per building) which lot of people out there has appreciated. Can we hope of getting similar ones in Bglr DC . Regards, NCJ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: MRS Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:57 AM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Yes please...both tea and coffee taste really horrible...the milk powder is no substitute for actual milk.. what with all kinds of bugs coming out of the machine too! It would be really nice to have something like what is suggested here. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SS Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:11 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines? I agree with you that milk powder is no substitute for actual milk. Similarly old milk is no substitute for fresh milk. So how about having a cow and a decoction maker in each building, so that we can get a nice flavoured coffee. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: A S S Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:14 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Can we also have buffaloes please ???  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ANT Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:23 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Why don't we have goats too......?. AA, are you listening? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: JG Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:37 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? I did not get this  Goats and then AA are you listening? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: RR Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:39 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have explanations? RR ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SK Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:50 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Who is AA? Is it a goats name?? Regards, SK ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AM Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:55 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines? I think AA is the one who might arrange for the goats!!!!!!! (No offences meant) :-) Can anyone make the arrangements for the cow and buffaloes please? Also the tea and coffee plantations!!!!!!!! ;-) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AA Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:09 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? No! If you want I can sign a petition online beseeching the authorities to allow cows, buffaloes and good coffee vending machines in ****.... That's the MAX I am willing to do Thanks and Regards, AA ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: A S S Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:12 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? What if some buffalo turns out to be a LeT operative ? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: NCJ Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:14 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Re:Can we have better coffee vending machines? Now we have to decide whether should buy Vending machines or milk giving animals like Cow/buffalo/Goat? Regards, NCJ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AM Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:26 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Re:Can we have better coffee vending machines? No need to buy the vending macines as CCD will provide them on loan I guess. Now coming to the goats/cows/buffaloes we have to purchase them, now the question is how many???? Should all building have one of each or should one building have only one animal?/? That is the point we have to decide on. As far as the plantation goes I think the golf course is used no more, so we can have a tea and coffee plantation over there. After all its about tea or coffee so we need the main ingredient fresh!!!!! isnt it???????? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SS Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:43 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Guys ............. It was started with cow. Then people added buffalos and goats to the list. Check if anything else is missed out ( if its milk is useful or it is useful in some other way) before sending the suggestion to the concerned dept / authority. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AM Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:53 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Will the goats, buffaloes, cows and other animals have to follow the dress code ????????? And will they have permanent ID card???????/ After all security was questioned by one of us! I think having ID cards will help ensure better security. + the dress code will make them look more professional ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SSD Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:03 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Yes, 'Photo ID Card' is necessary! Or we would need dogs if the animals look too similar for security guys to identify. Baggage check is not in question right now, but may be some day, if we have plans to allow Kangaroos for some reason. SSD ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AM Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:11 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Yes thats true. As cars or two wheelers are no more allowed inside the campus and the golf carts are only for the clients the ones who do not know cycling can use kangaroos for quick transportations from one place to another within the campus. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: CC Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:12 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can the milking of the cows, buffaloes and goats be outsourced since it's not a core competency that *** enjoys ? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AS Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:14 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Ya...and that will make devegowda happy too AS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ASC Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:19 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have a separate DC for their Training n production? "Production People" - no they would called "Production Animals" N they hv separate recruitment policy. Can any one suggest their minimum criteria? ASC ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SS Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:40 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Yes we need to have very strict selection criteria so that only quality cows/buffaloes/camels/goats/sheep/llama/elk/elephants etc. are recruited for milking. 1) Should have consistently high 'milkademic' performance. Should have given more than or equal to 10 litres/day in the past. 2) Should have high 'dungamatic' quotient. Should not have passed dung on the premises more than 3.4 times per 1000 days. 3) Should be good team players and not kick the milkman while milking. 4) Should meet deadlines and allow milking at late-hours and night-shifts too for the foreign clients. 5) Should have no communication skills else can disturb the employees by ba-ba/moo-moo etc. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AA Posted At: Fri 1/20/2006 4:44 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Ba-Ba Moo-Moo - ROTFL What will the grazing grounds signboards say in that case? "Milking in progress, No mooing please?" And will the cattle stock be taught to read these  Thanks and Regards, AA ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: KK Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:53 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines? wil our dear cows /buffaloos........................................e tc hav onsite oppurtunities as they wud surely want to know this in the interview............... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AM Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:59 PM Posted To: <Bulletin Board> Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines? Yes certainly they should have, as **** is a global company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps after tasing the coffee and tea here the client might want to outsource their coffee and tea facility to **** ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last edited by condor : 22nd September 2006 at 19:50. |
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22nd September 2006, 19:49
| #1529 |
| Senior - BHPian  | HAHAHAHAHAHA ROTFLMAO Man Condor that was Hilarious And let me guess is the company Infosys by any chance?? |
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22nd September 2006, 19:53
| #1530 |
| Distinguished - BHPian | Company name is also supposed to have been edited - but 'devegowda's the mole that gave it all away ... Last edited by condor : 22nd September 2006 at 20:03. |
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