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Senior - BHPian | ![]() Quote:
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![]() | #1667 |
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![]() | #1668 |
Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: N.A
Posts: 7,033
Thanked: 2,704 Times
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![]() | #1669 |
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![]() | #1670 |
BANNED ![]() | ![]() A couple were dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scooted back into the house. They didin't want the cat shut in the house because she always tried to eat the bird. The wife went out to the taxi while the husband went inside again to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the driver that her husband would be out soon. "He's just gone upstairs to say good-bye to my old grandmother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab."Sorry I took so long, Honey" he said as they drive away. "The stupid sh!t was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat @ss down-stairs and threw her out into the back yard & she was wailing her brains out! Gotta get rid of her soon." Last edited by elf : 23rd December 2006 at 14:14. |
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![]() | #1671 |
Senior - BHPian ![]() | ![]() Santa went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like Sardars. The game warden ordered Santa to show his hunting license, so Santa pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its bum, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license, boy?” Santa reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its bum, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?” Santa reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its bum, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This duck here’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?” Again Santa reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at Santa “Just where the hell are you from ??” Santa smiled, turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “ Oye You tell me , you’re the expert.!!! Last edited by faithless_1984 : 23rd December 2006 at 21:44. |
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![]() | #1672 |
Team-BHP Support ![]() ![]() | ![]() This is a real story, happened just yesterday. This week while driving at 30Kmph, my father-in-law's Fiesta (1.4 petrol) hit a pothole hard. One of the steel rim got bent and all the air gushed out of the stock tubeless tyre. Later he had a discussion with me and decided to upgrade to alloys, after all both my cars had alloys. He got it done yesterday. We have a driver (aged about 60) who was a taxi driver most of his life. He looked at the alloys and was very impressed. Later he told us "The new wheel covers look very nice saar, although I tried to remove it and put it back, I just couldn't figure out how..." ![]() |
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![]() | #1673 |
BANNED ![]() | ![]() @Samurai: Priceless, dude! Reminds me of my friend with the Vulcan Kwacker who says that it's a modified CBZ with mods of 12 lakhs, every time he pulls up at the stoplight & somebody asks him "kya hai aur kitne ka modify kiya" |
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![]() | #1674 |
Senior - BHPian ![]() | ![]() Hand Brake Turns ![]() JEEPS are for GurlS? ![]() Pwn3D ![]() |
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![]() | #1675 |
BANNED ![]() | ![]() Ingredients:
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![]() | #1676 |
Distinguished - BHPian ![]() ![]() | ![]() A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there, having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the table: A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it. In one second the sharp lime taste hits, at two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?" She smiles widely at him and says, Revenge! Last edited by Samurai : 27th December 2006 at 13:21. |
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BHPian ![]() | ![]() "And as I said in my State of the Union, the idea is to see that a car born today—I mean, a child born today will be driving a car, as his or her first car, which will be powered by hydrogen and pollution-free." Source: Federal News Service, "Remarks by President George W. Bush Re: Energy Independence," Feb. 6, 2003 |
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![]() | #1678 |
BHPian ![]() | ![]() Not sure If anyone posted this earlier... One guy in a medical college is known for not getting out of the first year for good. All the professors there are so fed up, that they want to throw a very easy exam and get rid of this one. Then there comes the exam time.. The test is to identify the body parts. Professor choses a random jar and that is a specimen of uterous. He takes shows it to the student and .. Professor: Look, This one is unique and easyly identifiable. Just tell me what it is and you are thro' with your first year. Student: I don't think I can identify this. Prof: Take a guess. Even if you are closer, You are done. I dont want to see your face the next year too. You have gotten on nerves for 5 years already now. Student: I think you have to bear with me for the sixth year too. I dont have a clue what this thing is. Prof: Now you are talking! You need a clue? Here it is. .. This organ is neither in my body, nor in in yours.. Guess what? Student:Thanks Then, I think this must be BRAIN! |
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![]() | #1679 |
BANNED ![]() | ![]() President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed "YES" 1,237 times for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval. Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "red brothers." At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name "Walking Eagle". The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they had come to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of $h!t it can no longer fly. |
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![]() | #1680 | |
Distinguished - BHPian ![]() ![]() Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Bangalore
Posts: 5,150
Thanked: 8,672 Times
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