|28th January 2007, 10:25||#1711|
Join Date: Jan 2005
Thanked: 12 Times
|31st January 2007, 18:29||#1718|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Oct 2005
Thanked: 219 Times
To the Nines....
One day, on 9/9/99, a man woke up at 9:09 a.m. in the morning, jumped on Bus #99 and went to his favorite restaurant on 9th Street. When the cashier rang up his order, it totaled $9.99.
"Oh, wow, this is an omen!" the man said, so he bought a pair of cheap binoculars at the 99¢ store, pulled out 99 cents in fares and took Bus #99 to the Race Track. As he approached Gate No. 9, he said to the ticket agent: "I would like to bet $999.99 on Horse No. 9 in the 9th race."
"Why those particular numbers?" the ticket agent asked.
"Nine seems to be my lucky number today," the man said excitedly. "I'm really on a roll!"
Feeling confident, he sat through the first eight races until Race No. 9 came up. Sure enough, he was on a roll.
The horse came in ninth.
|31st January 2007, 22:11||#1719|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai
Thanked: 195 Times
found this while researching on godfater's posting. it's also refrenced in the same blog.
the brink of insanity - my journey thru mental illness: a little Friday funny (i stole it from James )
|31st January 2007, 22:24||#1720|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: May 2006
Thanked: 16 Times
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]*ENJOYY!!!*
*These are Boys ads taken from shaadi.com*
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. All these words are from their
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome
to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she
may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the
entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have
one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister!)
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I
am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ..........hold
my hand forever !!!
(dilwale dulhaniya effect)
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now
i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr
as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? ...)
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing )
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok" )
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR
AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(this one is one of my Fav)
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.
am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she
havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.
IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are
iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a
good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a
I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
because girl is the maharani.
(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)
*Different Tree Same Wood~*
|31st January 2007, 23:59||#1721|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Bangalore / Atlanta
Thanked: 66 Times
Buy a Humvee
It has happened to every one... you have to be somewhere on time.. meetings / home / hospital / late for a date.. and all the morons on the road seem to be right in front of your vehicle that day...
all that relentless honking proves to be of no use...
Hummer en Irak
|1st February 2007, 02:09||#1722|
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: navi mumbai
Thanked: 0 Times
|1st February 2007, 11:12||#1725|
Join Date: Dec 2006
Thanked: 10,090 Times
here are some bad jokes -
What did one shoe say to another?
Ans: Nothing, as shoes cannot talk.
What's red and goes tring tring?
An apple. The tring tring was to confuse you.
What's red and goes tring tring?
A black telephone. The red was to confuse you.
What's red and goes tring tring tring?
A fire engine! Everybody knows that!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Peter, he wanted a pet. So he decided to buy a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature.
So he went to the market and bought a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. The shopkeeper put in a cardboard box and he took it home. Peter put the box on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He looked in the box and the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. So he was like what the ****? whered my Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature go? So he looked all around his house, but he couldn find the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. So he decided to go to the market and buy another one. He asked the shopkeeper for a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature and this time he put it in a wooden box with a lock on it. He took it home, put the box on the table, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He unlocked the box and looked inside, but the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone again. So he had a tantrum you know, he threw things around and swore at the wall and **** like that. He then decided to buy another Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. So he went to the market, and this time he asked the shopkeeper(whose name was Arun and was blind in one eye, poor chap) for 2 Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures and put them in 2 metal boxes with locks and put those in a another metal box with one more lock on top. He thanked Arun, but he didnt have the money to pay him, so he had to charge it to his tab. So then he took the boxes home, put them on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap and washed his face. He came out and unlocked each box one by one. Both Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures were gone. So now he got really pissed and took to drug abuse, he overdosed on morphein and had to be hospitalized for a week. When he came out of hospital he decided to try one more time,
So he went to Aruns shop and asked for a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. Arun had gone out of town to take care of his grandfather in Alibagh, so he wasnt there, it was his brother , Tarun that sold him the last Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in the shop. Since it was the last one, he decided to take some safety precautions, he bought a box of reinforced titanium with a laser grid and alarm system. To open it, it had a fingerprint touch sensor to open into a retina scanner which opened into a wooden latch. He careful took this box home and looked at it all the way, in case the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature escaped. He reached home, put the box on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face, came out, ran his left ring finger over the fingerprint reader, placed his left eye on the retina scanner and opened the wooden latch. He looked inside and saw that the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. He began giggling spasmodically and had convulsions (some say it was epilepsy). He went back to the shop and asked Tarun where he could get more Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures.
Tarun said that in the nearby Church there was a man named Father John Brown (who incidentally had a cycle with a punctured tyre) who was all knowing. So Peter went to the church and asked John Brown where he could find Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures. (Actually John Brown was not all knowing, he was one of the Beta Testers of Google Earth so he could find anything he wanted to). John said that there were 3 Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures left in the world, one was at the North Pole, one was in the Gobi Desert and one was in the Amazon River. So Peter packed his bags and went to the North Pole.
Sure Enough, at the North Pole he found a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. (however he lost his left testicle due to frostbite). He put in a box, went home put in on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out, he looked into the box and the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. So he then set out for the Gobi Desert where he had to fight nomadic tribes and he lost his right thumb in battle, but got a new prosthetic one from E-Bay. He put the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in a box, took it home put in on the table, went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He looked in the box and it was gone. So his last chance was now. He had to go to the Amazon river. So he did. While swimming in the river his right retina was eaten by a carnivorous earwig and he was blind in one eye forever, like poor Arun. He found the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in the Amazon so he put in a box and took it home.
He put the box on the table, was about to go into the bathroom, but then he stopped. He looked in the box then, but the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone anyway. So he went into the bathroom and turned on the tap.What came out?
I would truly love to see your face right now.
(All characters except peter are improvised , the priests name is made up as is the google earth thing, anything of the topic was purely to piss you off)
Thank you for your time .
Person 1: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Person 2: Are you a tree?
Person 1: No.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
You open the door, put the elephant in and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in and close the door.
The Lion King is having a conference; which animal doesnt show up?
The giraffe. He's in the fridge.
You have to cross a river filled with deadly alligators. How do you do it?
Simple; swim across. The alligators are at the Lion King's conference.
What's one point of similarity between a brinjal and a tomato?
Both are red, except for the brinjal
Q.What happened to the wooden car???
Ans. It woodnt start...
What has six legs, no hair, is blueish green and dosnt eat meat?
Ans: i don't know, but its not cabbage.
What do you call a long, wide structure that allows you to cross over water?
Ans: A bridge
What did one popcorn say to another?
Ans: Nothing as popcorn cannot talk
Whats fat, never moves and has udders?
Ans: A dead fat guy with udders
Santa Singh: Banta, what do you have in that bag you are carrying?
Banta Singh: Chickens
Santa Singh: If I guess how many chickens there are in the bag, will you give me one?
Banta Singh: If you guess how many chickens there are, I will give you BOTH
Santa Singh: Six
Note from the Team-BHP Support Staff : Abusive language – whether used directly or indirectly - is STRICTLY prohibited on Team-BHP. A decent communication protocol must be adhered to. Foul language and use of abusive words/photographs in posts/avatars/signatures/topics is STRICTLY prohibited.
Last edited by aah78 : 2nd February 2007 at 02:55. Reason: bad language