here are some bad jokes -
What did one shoe say to another?
Ans: Nothing, as shoes cannot talk.
What's red and goes tring tring?
An apple. The tring tring was to confuse you.
What's red and goes tring tring?
A black telephone. The red was to confuse you.
What's red and goes tring tring tring?
A fire engine! Everybody knows that!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Peter, he wanted a pet. So he decided to buy a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature.
So he went to the market and bought a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. The shopkeeper put in a cardboard box and he took it home. Peter put the box on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He looked in the box and the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. So he was like what the ****? whered my Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature go? So he looked all around his house, but he couldn find the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. So he decided to go to the market and buy another one. He asked the shopkeeper for a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature and this time he put it in a wooden box with a lock on it. He took it home, put the box on the table, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He unlocked the box and looked inside, but the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone again. So he had a tantrum you know, he threw things around and swore at the wall and **** like that. He then decided to buy another Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. So he went to the market, and this time he asked the shopkeeper(whose name was Arun and was blind in one eye, poor chap) for 2 Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures and put them in 2 metal boxes with locks and put those in a another metal box with one more lock on top. He thanked Arun, but he didnt have the money to pay him, so he had to charge it to his tab. So then he took the boxes home, put them on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap and washed his face. He came out and unlocked each box one by one. Both Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures were gone. So now he got really pissed and took to drug abuse, he overdosed on morphein and had to be hospitalized for a week. When he came out of hospital he decided to try one more time,
So he went to Aruns shop and asked for a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. Arun had gone out of town to take care of his grandfather in Alibagh, so he wasnt there, it was his brother , Tarun that sold him the last Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in the shop. Since it was the last one, he decided to take some safety precautions, he bought a box of reinforced titanium with a laser grid and alarm system. To open it, it had a fingerprint touch sensor to open into a retina scanner which opened into a wooden latch. He careful took this box home and looked at it all the way, in case the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature escaped. He reached home, put the box on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face, came out, ran his left ring finger over the fingerprint reader, placed his left eye on the retina scanner and opened the wooden latch. He looked inside and saw that the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. He began giggling spasmodically and had convulsions (some say it was epilepsy). He went back to the shop and asked Tarun where he could get more Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures.
Tarun said that in the nearby Church there was a man named Father John Brown (who incidentally had a cycle with a punctured tyre) who was all knowing. So Peter went to the church and asked John Brown where he could find Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures. (Actually John Brown was not all knowing, he was one of the Beta Testers of Google Earth so he could find anything he wanted to). John said that there were 3 Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creatures left in the world, one was at the North Pole, one was in the Gobi Desert and one was in the Amazon River. So Peter packed his bags and went to the North Pole.
Sure Enough, at the North Pole he found a Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature. (however he lost his left testicle due to frostbite). He put in a box, went home put in on the table went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out, he looked into the box and the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone. So he then set out for the Gobi Desert where he had to fight nomadic tribes and he lost his right thumb in battle, but got a new prosthetic one from E-Bay. He put the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in a box, took it home put in on the table, went into the bathroom, turned on the tap, washed his face and came out. He looked in the box and it was gone. So his last chance was now. He had to go to the Amazon river. So he did. While swimming in the river his right retina was eaten by a carnivorous earwig and he was blind in one eye forever, like poor Arun. He found the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature in the Amazon so he put in a box and took it home.
He put the box on the table, was about to go into the bathroom, but then he stopped. He looked in the box then, but the Squiggly Wiggly Woggly creature was gone anyway. So he went into the bathroom and turned on the tap.What came out?
I would truly love to see your face right now.
(All characters except peter are improvised , the priests name is made up as is the google earth thing, anything of the topic was purely to piss you off)
Thank you for your time
Person 1: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Person 2: Are you a tree?
Person 1: No.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
You open the door, put the elephant in and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in and close the door.
The Lion King is having a conference; which animal doesnt show up?
The giraffe. He's in the fridge.
You have to cross a river filled with deadly alligators. How do you do it?
Simple; swim across. The alligators are at the Lion King's conference.
What's one point of similarity between a brinjal and a tomato?
Both are red, except for the brinjal
Q.What happened to the wooden car???
Ans. It woodnt start...
What has six legs, no hair, is blueish green and dosnt eat meat?
Ans: i don't know, but its not cabbage.
What do you call a long, wide structure that allows you to cross over water?
Ans: A bridge
What did one popcorn say to another?
Ans: Nothing as popcorn cannot talk
Whats fat, never moves and has udders?
Ans: A dead fat guy with udders
Santa Singh: Banta, what do you have in that bag you are carrying?
Banta Singh: Chickens
Santa Singh: If I guess how many chickens there are in the bag, will you give me one?
Banta Singh: If you guess how many chickens there are, I will give you BOTH
Santa Singh: Six Note from the Team-BHP Support Staff : Abusive language – whether used directly or indirectly - is STRICTLY prohibited on Team-BHP. A decent communication protocol must be adhered to. Foul language and use of abusive words/photographs in posts/avatars/signatures/topics is STRICTLY prohibited.