The Official Joke thread

toiingg · 5th January 2008, 16:56

Im still on page 15, bookmarked the link.
will continue to read thru when i get time.
LOL

Sankar · 5th January 2008, 17:37

Review of the movie "Perfect storm" by a friend.

My friend posts his reviews in an Orkut community.

Quote:

“The Perfect Storm” is perfect only for those who are hardhearted. Though the film showcases the plight of seafarers, I still can’t understand how a person having a fully functional brain can watch them catching and dragging sharks with fishing hooks – “Fishes, life is as precious for them as it’s for you...huh...!!!” While seeing that dreadful sequence, I was praying these crooks should also meet with the same quandary and in the form of the fiercest hurricane in the recorded history, Mother Nature just does that. As they say “he who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword”. Apart from this horrific slip, director Wolfgang Peterson’s treatment to the subject is passable. CGI has been used to whip up the titular storm and done with perfection. Visual effects team deserves a pat on their back. Wrath of Mother Nature has been depicted in all its glory with all the heroics of air and naval crew, spotlighting the inevitable outcome. The movie is recommended only for its visual effects and thumbs down for its violence to aquatic creatures.

It sure made me laugh when i read it. What else is fishermen supposed to do? I'm a non-veg

neoranjit · 5th January 2008, 19:56

This one seems to tell it all

YouTube - Are Americans Stupid?

Worth the wait for the 9 min video...

ssjr0498 · 5th January 2008, 20:32

Hey guys,

check this out!! definitely one of the most hillarious things I have come across on You tube!!

Check out when he test drives the civic hot hatch with NOS!!!

YouTube - hot ass supra and civic

v1p3r · 6th January 2008, 12:43

Seen at Cantonment Station, Bangalore:

Sankar · 6th January 2008, 13:37

Lol the japanese are here!! With their er.. special bath!!

santhosh_kumard · 7th January 2008, 17:09

Scenario in yesterday meeting.

Procter

id you call Symonds as Monkey?
Bhajji: No,I called a monkey as Symonds.
Procter:So you did
Bhajji : (Silence)
Procter : How dare,you insulted a monkey.You are banned for 3 matches.
Bhajji : Sad
Ponting& Co : !!???
Ponting : hey,Symonds.What he said?
Symonds : What ever,he is banned.You can bat well next game.
Ponting : No,Anil is also there,ask him whether he can ban him also.
Symonds : We'll see in next match,if he takes your wicket,we'll complain.
Ponting; Then ok. Come

condor · 14th January 2008, 09:22

On Yahoo: No-Pants-Day.

Found it funny & cute, actually.

anarchist · 14th January 2008, 10:34

New additions to the Dictionary

Bucknor : (n) (adj)
1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.
2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.
Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.

Benson: (n) (adj)
1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.
Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.
Also see bucknor

Ponting: (n) (adj)
1. A substance or entity or even a person of unquestionable integrity
2. An act of uncivilised behaviour. [Also, pontingness (n)]

Symonds: (n):
A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing and crying at being called names.
Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain). They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians.

Symonds: (v):
Randomly wail and weep at every whichever chance one gets.
Present Continuous: symonding
Usage: The child took to symonding when the mother denied him money to buy a kite.

condor · 14th January 2008, 10:49

Tou·ché !

Quote:

anarchist

Symonds: (n):
A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing & crying at being called names.

Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain). They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians. They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians.

A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing & crying at being called names, and a known fondness for bucknors (for definition of a 'bucknor', pls ref above).... They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians. Also, they are often get additional protection by bucknors.

appuchan · 14th January 2008, 13:20

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management

4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.

5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your
PC for my response.

9: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.

10: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND,
FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE

11: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susie' instead of 'Steve'

n_aditya · 14th January 2008, 14:45

that was super hilarious appuchan.

akash_m · 15th January 2008, 16:22

Times of India, 1st Jan 2025

HEADLINES:

President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi.
Dhoom 17 ready for release.
I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar
Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.
Mein to ab bhi jawan hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit.
After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of 'Jhoom Barabar Jhoom' .
Amitabh's new movie with Shahrukh Khan's daughter 'Ek aur Nishabdh'
Petrol Rs. 999 / ltr.
Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.
Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.
N.Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too.
Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly.
Maruti launches its new Hovercraft 'SX-25'. Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow.
A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya.

JPL · 15th January 2008, 22:35

One of my all time fav.
--------------------------

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr Laloo Prasad, ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya ,
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

diabloo · 15th January 2008, 23:31

The original joke:

What does Andrew Symonds wear in Switzerland...
What else "Monkey Cap" hehe

7th January 2008, 17:09	#2407
santhosh_kumard BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Back to BLR Posts: 176 Thanked: 15 Times	What happened in Australia , the real story Scenario in yesterday meeting. Procterid you call Symonds as Monkey? Bhajji: No,I called a monkey as Symonds. Procter:So you did Bhajji : (Silence) Procter : How dare,you insulted a monkey.You are banned for 3 matches. Bhajji : Sad Ponting& Co : !!??? Ponting : hey,Symonds.What he said? Symonds : What ever,he is banned.You can bat well next game. Ponting : No,Anil is also there,ask him whether he can ban him also. Symonds : We'll see in next match,if he takes your wicket,we'll complain. Ponting; Then ok. Come

14th January 2008, 09:22	#2408
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,242 Thanked: 16,902 Times View My Garage	On Yahoo: No-Pants-Day. Found it funny & cute, actually. Last edited by condor : 14th January 2008 at 09:24.

14th January 2008, 13:20	#2411
appuchan BHPian Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Bangy Posts: 644 Thanked: 27 Times	The Best of Dilbert "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply: 1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management 4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 8: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 9: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages. 10: I've run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE 11: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susie' instead of 'Steve'

15th January 2008, 16:22	#2413
akash_m BHPian Join Date: May 2007 Location: Noida Posts: 258 Thanked: 102 Times	Headlines Dated 1st Jan 2025: Times of India, 1st Jan 2025 HEADLINES: President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi. Dhoom 17 ready for release. I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage. Mein to ab bhi jawan hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit. After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of 'Jhoom Barabar Jhoom' . Amitabh's new movie with Shahrukh Khan's daughter 'Ek aur Nishabdh' Petrol Rs. 999 / ltr. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs. Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea. N.Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too. Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly. Maruti launches its new Hovercraft 'SX-25'. Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow. A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya.

5th January 2008, 16:56	#2401
toiingg BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Calcutta Posts: 643 Thanked: 308 Times	Im still on page 15, bookmarked the link. will continue to read thru when i get time. LOL

6th January 2008, 12:43	#2405
v1p3r Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR / DXB / LON Posts: 5,365 Thanked: 7,507 Times View My Garage Infractions: 0/1 (7)	Seen at Cantonment Station, Bangalore:

6th January 2008, 13:37	#2406
Sankar Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2005 Location: Location Posts: 5,780 Thanked: 9,254 Times	Lol the japanese are here!! With their er.. special bath!!

14th January 2008, 10:34	#2409
anarchist BHPian Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago / Namma Bengaluru Posts: 371 Thanked: 6 Times View My Garage	New additions to the Dictionary Bucknor : (n) (adj) 1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious. 2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time. 3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors. Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you. Benson: (n) (adj) 1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor. Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast. Also see bucknor Ponting: (n) (adj) 1. A substance or entity or even a person of unquestionable integrity 2. An act of uncivilised behaviour. [Also, pontingness (n)] Symonds: (n): A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing and crying at being called names. Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain). They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians. Symonds: (v): Randomly wail and weep at every whichever chance one gets. Present Continuous: symonding Usage: The child took to symonding when the mother denied him money to buy a kite.

14th January 2008, 14:45	#2412
n_aditya Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Namma Bengaluru Posts: 5,374 Thanked: 3,831 Times View My Garage	that was super hilarious appuchan.

15th January 2008, 22:35	#2414
JPL BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: XXXXX Posts: 239 Thanked: 0 Times	One of my all time fav. -------------------------- Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks Bill Gates. Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga. Dear Mr Laloo Prasad, ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya , You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad. Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

15th January 2008, 23:31	#2415
diabloo BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Bengalooru Posts: 1,480 Thanked: 17 Times	The original joke: What does Andrew Symonds wear in Switzerland... What else "Monkey Cap" hehe