The Official Joke thread

safari_lover · 4th December 2009, 11:29

Nice ones there, kp. Short and effective!

Sha09mel · 4th December 2009, 17:36

Dubai Update.........

sidindica · 5th December 2009, 21:29

Purchasing a cow can sometimes prove too costly.

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 5th December 2009, 23:31

Received this in e-mail.

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

emkay456 · 7th December 2009, 13:43

An entertaining photograph on Tiger Woods saga. A modified photograph of Woods and his wife post accident. This is taken from an Australian newspaper and reproduced on the Mid-day website :

Sha09mel · 8th December 2009, 11:43

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

'So what do you think about that Doc ?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and Then began to tell a story.

'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter And never misses a season.'

One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if It were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'

'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said , Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else Pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.

kpbhatt · 8th December 2009, 14:29

A little girl is in sunday school and she falls asleep. When she is sleeping the teacher asks "Who created heaven and earth?". No one answer and a little boy behind the girl pulls out a pin and pokes her in the ***. She wakes up and says Lord all Mighty, the teach says it is correct.

The little girl falls asleep again when the teacher asks "Who gave his life for our sins?". No one answer and the boy behind the girl pulls out his pin again and pokes her in the ***. She wakes up and screams Jesus Christ. The teacher says it is correct.

The little girl falls asleep again when the teach asks "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?". No one answers and the boy pulls out his pin again and pokes her in the ***. She wakes up and says 'Dammit, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I will break it and stick it up your ***.

Tejas@perioimpl · 10th December 2009, 12:45

This one should be made into a bumper sticker.

kpbhatt · 10th December 2009, 15:08

PJ :

What should be Diya Mirza's husbands name ( if ever she gets married)

Of course it will be "Liya Mirza"

ladak.imran · 10th December 2009, 15:33

This one's a little naughty!

Q: What do you call an expert fisherman?

A: A Master-baiter!

Vid6639 · 12th December 2009, 22:02

What name will Tata keep for the 3rd version of the Nano?

Sodium Nitrate.

Because it will be NaNO3.

(running away from thread before people come to beat me up for this PJ)

bj96 · 13th December 2009, 07:46

Have you guys tried Google's Hindi transliteration of web pages? It can be quite entertaining sometimes. For example position of "Senior Technical Lead" in my resume became "Varishtha Takniki Sheesha"

-BJ

condor · 13th December 2009, 09:52

@KPBhatt & Tejas : search before you post :

Kalpeshbhai :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...&postcount=637

Tejas :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...postcount=2351 - Dec-2007
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...postcount=3452 - Feb-2009

svsantosh · 15th December 2009, 11:13

INDIAN Husband (H) and Wife (W) driving along a Wesern Ghat Road give a lift to a European Lady (EL)tourist...

H - So what brings you here...
EL - Auyeveda, Indian Food, etc etc...
H - Oh great... so nice of you... blah...blah (20-30mins).
W - (mentally)-Grrr.. See a white woman and you are all over her (full Jealous...) Grrr...

H - So what abt ur family
EL - Nay, left my 'Girl Friend' back in Germany and am here by myself for a few months - miss her!!
H - (mentally) what?? OK - now stop looking @ my wife - keep talking to me plzzzzz
W - (after dropping her off)

-------------------
(Happened to me last week enroute from Coorg to Blore, abridged to fit this thread... cheers.)

emkay456 · 17th December 2009, 15:29

George Bush. After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6 in London.
Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.
Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:
'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down.

4th December 2009, 17:36	#3902
Sha09mel BHPian Join Date: May 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 56 Thanked: 8 Times	Dubai Update......... Attached Thumbnails

5th December 2009, 21:29	#3903
sidindica Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Delhi Posts: 4,902 Thanked: 8,348 Times	Purchasing a cow can sometimes prove too costly. Attached Thumbnails

7th December 2009, 13:43	#3905
emkay456 BHPian Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 387 Thanked: 7 Times	An entertaining photograph on Tiger Woods saga. A modified photograph of Woods and his wife post accident. This is taken from an Australian newspaper and reproduced on the Mid-day website : Attached Thumbnails Last edited by emkay456 : 7th December 2009 at 13:44.

8th December 2009, 11:43	#3906
Sha09mel BHPian Join Date: May 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 56 Thanked: 8 Times	An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc ?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and Then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter And never misses a season.' One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if It were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.' 'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else Pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The doctor replied , 'My point exactly. Last edited by bblost : 10th December 2009 at 15:10. Reason: removed the bold formatting

8th December 2009, 14:29	#3907
kpbhatt BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 349 Thanked: 35 Times View My Garage	The little boy and his pin A little girl is in sunday school and she falls asleep. When she is sleeping the teacher asks "Who created heaven and earth?". No one answer and a little boy behind the girl pulls out a pin and pokes her in the *. She wakes up and says Lord all Mighty, the teach says it is correct. The little girl falls asleep again when the teacher asks "Who gave his life for our sins?". No one answer and the boy behind the girl pulls out his pin again and pokes her in the . She wakes up and screams Jesus Christ. The teacher says it is correct. The little girl falls asleep again when the teach asks "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?". No one answers and the boy pulls out his pin again and pokes her in the . She wakes up and says 'Dammit, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I will break it and stick it up your . Last edited by kpbhatt : 8th December 2009 at 14:30. Reason: copy pasted email caused havoc in the post*

4th December 2009, 11:29	#3901
safari_lover Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bengaluru / Bagdal Posts: 1,155 Thanked: 785 Times	Nice ones there, kp. Short and effective!

5th December 2009, 23:31	#3904
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,540 Thanked: 758 Times	Received this in e-mail. It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

10th December 2009, 12:45	#3908
Tejas@perioimpl Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Bombay Posts: 4,430 Thanked: 9,764 Times View My Garage	This one should be made into a bumper sticker. Attached Images

10th December 2009, 15:08	#3909
kpbhatt BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 349 Thanked: 35 Times View My Garage	PJ : What should be Diya Mirza's husbands name ( if ever she gets married) Of course it will be "Liya Mirza"

10th December 2009, 15:33	#3910
ladak.imran BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Bombay Posts: 294 Thanked: 6 Times	This one's a little naughty! Q: What do you call an expert fisherman? A: A Master-baiter!

12th December 2009, 22:02	#3911
Vid6639 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Bangalore Posts: 17,709 Thanked: 44,137 Times View My Garage	What name will Tata keep for the 3rd version of the Nano? Sodium Nitrate. Because it will be NaNO3. (running away from thread before people come to beat me up for this PJ)

13th December 2009, 07:46	#3912
bj96 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Pune Posts: 1,081 Thanked: 1,552 Times View My Garage	Have you guys tried Google's Hindi transliteration of web pages? It can be quite entertaining sometimes. For example position of "Senior Technical Lead" in my resume became "Varishtha Takniki Sheesha" -BJ

13th December 2009, 09:52	#3913
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,240 Thanked: 16,891 Times View My Garage	@KPBhatt & Tejas : search before you post : Kalpeshbhai : http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...&postcount=637 Tejas : http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...postcount=2351 - Dec-2007 http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/showpo...postcount=3452 - Feb-2009

15th December 2009, 11:13	#3914
svsantosh Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Dubai Posts: 4,287 Thanked: 8,053 Times View My Garage	INDIAN Husband (H) and Wife (W) driving along a Wesern Ghat Road give a lift to a European Lady (EL)tourist... H - So what brings you here... EL - Auyeveda, Indian Food, etc etc... H - Oh great... so nice of you... blah...blah (20-30mins). W - (mentally)-Grrr.. See a white woman and you are all over her (full Jealous...) Grrr... H - So what abt ur family EL - Nay, left my 'Girl Friend' back in Germany and am here by myself for a few months - miss her!! H - (mentally) what?? OK - now stop looking @ my wife - keep talking to me plzzzzz W - (after dropping her off) ------------------- (Happened to me last week enroute from Coorg to Blore, abridged to fit this thread... cheers.)

17th December 2009, 15:29	#3915
emkay456 BHPian Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 387 Thanked: 7 Times	George Bush. After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6 in London. Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help. Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down. Last edited by emkay456 : 17th December 2009 at 15:32.