Maruti Meeting for a new car for India.
CEO: Ahoy! All on board. New car to be made.
Technical Expert 1 (TE1): Will have 1.3 DDIS 90hp Diesel and 1.4 K series Petrol motors from Ertiga. We already have them Saar! Indians no waste! Use fullLL.
TE2: Seems to be based on the same platform as Ertiga.
TE3: NO Saar! Design theme same as Authentics concept showcased earlier but detailing is different and simpler because the peoples like simple and has to be different as they already seen the pictures saar. We have to surprise the public saar!
TE4: The people of this country are getting bigger. Lot of work, lot of stress (they have to get our car serviced). Heard on the side: Do you know the guy who went to get his 16 yr old maruti 800 serviced as a MASS (Maruti authorised service sation). He ended up paying in excess of Rs. 30000 for the 65000 kms service (Changed all the shock absorbers, the entire clutch assembly, the carburettor, the distributor) (yours truly).
Head of HR and PR: Quite please
TE4: Continuing form where we left off..no play, thus we need lots of space for the rear seat, possibly best in class.
Design Head (DH): What class?
TE5: Of course, our class saaaar in maruti. You no worry. All is well. The car is as high as the Vento and about the same size.
PR head: Choice of materials is premium, no negotiations on that!
Materials chief: Maybe saar, material for dashboard is not finalised yet. Current test car gets smooth glossy dashboard material over grainy textured material that is usually used. That will do saar. Maruti badge enough saar. We still have tier 6 and seven cities where people swear by our product saar.
Design Head (DH): Design theme for Interiors is similar to Swift, Ertiga and Kizashi. Just like all other Maruti cars, majority of bits are shared. Top portion is Black, lower portion gets overdose of beige. Door and carpets are Beige. This has been decided. Ok add another one to the list, make the Floor hump is small.
Finance chief: Keep in mind. People (who? Those in maruti or the public) here don’t like change, thus Door controls were exactly same as Swift.
External Evaluator: The curvy styling looks really good.
TE 6: There is always an option of push to start with all our cars saar.. Sorry I mean push button start, possibly keyless function too as our pockets have become small due to economic reasons and our honourable governments’ efforts to help all its citizens
TE 7: Only maruti takes care of its customers pockets. We are all Librans saar. The customer is happy to lighten his pockets for us saar. They have been doing it for the last 25 years. We make car a little cheap to buy and damn expensive to maintain. Japanese management saar.
TE8: Puddle lamps will be offered. Four bulbs only saar. We need in our country as we do not know where the road begins or ends. I give it in writing that this feature alone will win the new car the COTY award.
TE9: I have an idea saar. From the ecco or the versa or any other model, we can chop a few bits of plastic and send some air though it for the rear. IF not it is a great moment of Japan to establish good relationship with china. We can always ask them to give us a few plastic bits from Geely (a car manufacturer in china) from their car brilliant. Thus, rear seat gets 2 A/C vents in rear.
(Interesting to read about Geely and its cars were EURO NCAP tested).
External Evaluator: The rear windshield looked similar to Superb.
Design Head: Meters gets bright glowing white rings, otherwise feel similar to other Maruti cars. The MID display is white. People will not know it is Maaaruti Saar. They will come back to ask questions which our underpaid, overworked, empty headed point of contact sales and service people will find difficult to answer.
CEO: Ok, most importantly, Front grille is exactly same as new facelifted SX4. Otherwise how will people know that it is sx4 but new and improved. Have you not seen the ads for the soaps rin, ariel, etc.. New and improved. All through the lifespan of the individual new and improved. Change the packaging.
Please remember we still sell maruti 800 by advertising: the great clear headlamps, easy to use, crumple zones to protect your loved
onces (this is what is written on the site. Not a figment of my imagination. The link is as follows: (
http://www.marutisuzuki.com/maruti800/Featuresnew.aspx)
Chief Financial Officer: Leather seats feel premium. Please add it.
Heavy design section head: Tires are 185/60R15. We got offer from company a and b (they will make the tires free for us and information from our competitors that they are going to use 15 inches. Otherwise we can still continue with our regular 12 and thirteen inches and price the product extremely competitively.
Alloys are Hyper Silver in colour
TE 9: Middle A/C vents from Ertiga. Same steering wheel as Ertiga, but black in color. Audio controls look the same.
Design chief: Keyless funtion confirmed. (Anyways we can start all our cars without keys.. Off the record please)
TE 8: I have just come up with another great idea saaaar. Electronic folding Mirrors need to be used. All the spares form kizashi can be used. Less inventory.
CEO: Okay folks. No Automatic Transmission in this batch. Headlamps look Mercedes inspired, similar to ones on new E-Class. People should think they are driving benchz.
Please note this is a parody. No offense is intended. The spelling mistakes are intentional and so are the grammatical errors and punctuations. I am basically tired of all our car companies in particular and other services in general taking us for a ride, selling stuff, which would not have sold in other markets and keeping the price as the major reason. It is even code name YL1 may be we need to read it as hell1?
These people sure know the price of everything but the value of nothing!
God bless my mother land and her wonderful people.