[carfreak]

Saw this thread a bit late in the day. Honestly, had it not been for our senior moderator Samurai, I would have totally missed this thread too. Since I am a psychiatrist, I would like to share a few points here from my perspective. Please note, I have gone through a lot of posts, and while I am happy to clarify any doubts, I will not get into any controversy. Simply because, there is no use of arguing. Anyway here goes:

Like most of you have already mentioned, depression is different from normal sadness, both in the severity of the symptoms and in the duration. This is where most people err- a common misunderstanding. That is why it is very vaguely used e.g. I am depressed today because my boss fired me in front of my co-workers. For a diagnosis of depression, one must have the symptoms for at least a period of 2 weeks, though, if he/ she has suicidal thoughts then this criteria can be changed.

Depression is a disorder. It is caused due to multiple factors which include genetics (plays a strong role than what many think), biochemical factors (related to chemical imbalances in the brain), endocrinal factors (hormonal imbalances in the body) personality factors, social, cultural and environmental factors (most people think the last part plays the major role which need not be the case).

The symptoms include, to start with, a continuous low mood, which usually extends to more than 2 weeks. Along with that, there will be a lack of interest in activities and feeling excessively tired/ fatigued. The associated symptoms include not getting sleep, lack of appetite, bleak and pessimistic views of the future, feeling helpless and worthless, ideas of guilt, death wishes and suicidal thoughts (both are different) and some times, psychotic symptoms (delusions and hallucinations),

The treatment comprises of both medications and other methods (psychological intervention). The use of only one of these, will result in an inadequate treatment and recovery. I am not going too much into what medications are being used.

Now, you can get all these details with a simple internet search these days. However do realize, the internet is coin that has 2 sides- you get a lot of misinformation too. My idea was to put facts across to you. The main problem with depression (and with most psychiatric disorders) is that the exact causal mechanism is not clear, or there are multiple factors, each one contributing in the end result. Therefore there are several theories that come up about depression. When science fails to get an explanation for what is happening, it is only common for myths and superstitions to come up and that is sadly what we psychiatrists are having to face. But that is not to say that depression is a western concept, an invention of the pharmaceutical industry etc. It has been a problem, is a problem and will be a problem. The faster we accept it, the better we can provide quality treatment

[ike]

Originally Posted by androdev

This is unheard of in India. You get max 15 minutes of name-sake Q&A if you are a rich person and you can visit different doctors in the hope of seeing something different.

This is not true Sir, I know from experience that sessions with a psychotherapist/clinical psychologist last at least 3 times that and is not a "name - sake Q&A" (whatever that is).

[libranof1987]

My wife is a psychologist (albeit specializing in Sports and Performance); I'd asked her to take a look at this thread. Here are her thoughts, verbatim.

Unfortunately, nowadays everyone has become a mental health expert. Whenever someone commits suicide, it is linked to the person being depressed. The mind is much much complex than giving it a simple term- Depression.

Awareness for Mental Health in India has increased, but it is still on the surface. People have started accepting one can go into therapy, but it is still stigmatised. If one undergoes therapy, Speculations increase and everyone thinks it is Depression. Just like if someone coughs now, people think its COVID-19. Mental Health Disorders are way to many to count on your hands. If anyone is keen to know more, do refer to DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-5th Edition). For now, Lets get some facts right.

There is big difference in ‘feeling depressed’ and depression (clinical). Unfortunately being depressed is used pretty loosely in our society.

Symptoms of Clinical Depression: Depression shows itself in different ways. Common depression symptoms are (continuous symptoms for 5 weeks or more):

• Depressed mood, sadness, or an “empty” feeling, or appearing sad or tearful to others
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed
• Significant weight loss when not dieting, or significant weight gain (for example, more than 5% of body weight in a month)
• Inability to sleep or excessive sleeping
• Restlessness or irritation (irritable mood may be a symptom in children or adolescents too), or feelings of “dragging”
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness, or excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Difficulty thinking or concentrating, or indecisiveness
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or specific plan for committing suicide

Why?: (WebMD)

Brain structure. The way certain nerve pathways or circuits in your brain send information may not work properly. Scans show that the parts of your brain involved in mood, thinking, sleep, appetite, and behavior look different when you're depressed, but scientists aren't sure why.

Genes. Scientists are studying certain genes that may make you more likely to get it. But even if you have them, you may not get depressed. And depression can happen in some people even when they don't have that genetic makeup.

Depression can run in families, but that doesn't mean you'll develop depression just because someone you're related to has it. And you may have the condition even if no one else in your family has it.

Life events. Something disturbing that happens to you may trigger depression. It may be the loss of someone close to you, a difficult relationship, or a stressful situation. Other things, like your finances, where you live, and whether or not you're married may also have an impact. But remember, there doesn't have to be a "reason" for your depression. Sometimes it happens without an obvious cause.\

Childhood problems. People who have disturbing experiences in childhood are more likely to have depression. It may be from brain changes caused by trauma at a young age.

Other conditions. Drug or alcohol abuse, illness, long-term pain, anxiety, sleep problems, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder may also be linked to depression.

Types of depression:

It is not necessary that clinical depression comes by itself, it can be accompanied with another major psychological disorders. What are the other types of depression:

Major Depression: In addition to Depression Symptoms:
• Loss of interest or pleasure in your activities
• Weight loss or gain
• Trouble getting to sleep or feeling sleepy during the day
• Feelings restless and agitated, or else very sluggish and slowed down physically or mentally
• Being tired and without energy
• Feeling worthless or guilty
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts of suicide

Persistent Depressive Disorder: If you have depression that lasts for 2 years or longer, it's called persistent depressive disorder. This term is used to describe two conditions previously known as https://www.webmd.com/depression/gui...mia (low-grade persistent depression) and chronic major depression.

Bipolar Disorder: Someone with bipolar disorder which is also sometimes called "manic depression" has mood episodes that range from extremes of high energy with an "up" mood to low "depressive" periods.When you're in the low phase, you'll have the symptoms of major depression. Medication can help bring your mood swings under control. Whether you're in a high or a low period, your doctor may suggest a mood stabilizer, such as https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-suppl...ntname=lithium.

Seasonal affective disorder is a period of major depression that most often happens during the winter months, when the days grow short and you get less and less sunlight. It typically goes away in the spring and summer. If you have SAD, antidepressants can help. So can light therapy. You'll need to sit in front of a special bright light box for about 15-30 minutes each day.

There is a huge difference in the practitioners offering mental health services. Basic examples:

Counseling psychologists help people with physical, emotional and mental health issues improve their sense of well‐being, alleviate feelings of distress and resolve crises. They also provide assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of more severe psychological symptoms. They have a masters/PhD in Counselling Psychology.

Clinical psychologists are professionals who are qualified to provide direct services to patients. Their work may include administering and interpreting cognitive and personality tests, diagnosing mental illness, creating treatment plans, and conducting psychotherapy. Psychologists are experts in psychometrics, or psychological measurement. Many clinical psychologists focus on subsets of the population or on particular disorders, for example, schizophrenia or obsessive-compulsive disorder. They have a Masters in Clinical Psychology.

A psychiatrist is a physician who specializes in psychiatry, the branch of medicine devoted to the diagnosis, prevention, study, and treatment of mental disorders. Psychiatrists are medical doctors, unlike psychologists, and must evaluate patients to determine whether their symptoms are the result of a physical illness, a combination of physical and mental ailments, or strictly psychiatric. They are MBBS/MDs.

Whom should you approach- ONLY A clinical Psychologist or a Psychiatrist

Also, have a look at this crowdfunded list to narrow your search for the right therapist. Its done by TISS (Tata Institude of Social Sciences)

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets...#gid=370032083

[Jeroen]

Originally Posted by androdev

You are obsessed with flat earthers.

No, I am remarking to the fact that your worldly believes when it comes to science closely resemble their thinking

They tend to have a very dim view of science in general, but virtually no real knowledge of how science works or is applied

Originally Posted by androdev

This is such a nascent field of study and human brain is so little understood that risk vs benefit angle has to be looked at seriously by the potential recipient of the treatment.

See my point above; The defense rests its case, My Lord

You have made your point very clear. Just out of curiosity, given your stance on using chemicals as (part) treatment in general: What is your stance on inoculation? Are you against it, ambivalent, follower but not sure, hard core get those shots type?

Originally Posted by roby_dk

The whole point of above rant was it is not true for all doctors and we do have doctors who listen very patiently. This is one instance and if I relate this to the doctors and experts who deal with depression let me confirm this again from my personal experience they take much longer time than the general physicians. There prime objective is to listen the patient history before prescribing anything.

thanks for your contribution and sharing your experience.

It is also interesting to hear your son, apart from the doctor taking plenty of time and doing an in-depth interview in many aspect of your son’s live, you also found this homeopathic approach beneficial.

I have had a few experience with what many still might consider alternative medicine. Acupuncture was very beneficial for some of my RSI complaints. The doctor also tried some other things with magnets and so, but that did not work for me.

My wife is a great believer in homeopathy approach.

As perhaps an interesting side note: Our medical health insurance covers both the “traditional” as well as most of “alternative" medical approaches. Treatment and any prescriptions necessary. Essentially, you can chose yourself depending on your preference.

Mind you, for a severe case of clinical depression, the insurance company might not believe a homeopathic approach might be beneficial at all, cheap as it is likely to be.

Jeroen

[digitalnirvana]

I had stayed away from posting here but here goes...in case this helps someone. I suffer from persistent clinical depression for a decade.

You cannot wish it away. And it is not something you need to be ashamed of. Like any illness it needs a regimented care treatment. And a support system is absolutely essential. This includes counselling, psychiatric treatment and medicines or a combination of these. Of course if you have someone in your family you can speak to without being judged or questioned, that will help too.

Regarding medicinal side effects, yes they do happen, but not for all. I gained 34 kgs in 3 months and have struggled to lose it ever since. Another side effect is a temporary high / spurt in energy which is very risky for people with suicidal tendencies, because you have that extra energy to actually go ahead and do something instead of just wishing for it to happen. So for care givers, please speak to the doctors and be aware of what signs to look out for.

Like any illness, clinical depression needs treatment. Generally you start with counselling, and depending on need move up to medicines and various other therapies. A good psychiatrist will slowly prescribe different medicines as each group has different pros and cons and see what works for you. One must also be wary of feeling exasperated because of slow results or of a lack of progress. So be open with your doctor / counselor / person you talk to and try to be accurate and honest.

Lastly, physical activities do help. Swimming or walking or running or anything that you are comfortable with.

If anyone of you ever need to talk, please pm. I might not be able to help but promise to listen. All the best.

[Biraj]

An interesting debate so far and some of the posts inspired me to share my experience on this. I don't know if it fits the dictionary definition of depression but I suffered from most of the symptoms.

I have posted about my renal failure in one of the travelogues (Road-trip: Ghaziabad to Mashobra). When I was first diagnosed with renal failure in 2015, I went through all but one of the stages of grief. Started with denial and avoided getting a biopsy done in time. Then I got angry at life, people around, doctors, healthcare system, pollution, etc. Then came the bargaining part. I visited temples, donations, rituals, tried Ayurveda, etc. Nothing worked. I was put on dialysis in August 2016.

Gradually, I started feeling jealous of healthy people and started cursing myself and life for my illness. I underwent surgery for AV fistula in January 2017. It was done with minimal use of local anaesthesia. Although the surgeon tried his best to distract me from focusing on the procedure, that procedure made me feel the worst during my illness till then. It was as if I had lost a big part of my energy on that day.

Everyone around me noticed that I had become quieter after that day. I stopped talking, watching TV, started to avoid calls and even social media. I took a long sabbatical from work as it was difficult to do any productive work.

I was put on sedatives but they too stopped working after a point. It reached a level where I could not sleep for at least three months. I was sleepy during the day and awake at night. I found it difficult to express how I felt and only used to respond that I was feeling weird. It was all too fuzzy. My voice had changed and had become quite shrill.

The Nephrologist felt that I was thinking too much about the disease and it was all psychological, so he asked us to see a Psychiatrist. We met a Psychiatrist in the same hospital and after a series of questions and observations, he concluded that I am suffering from depression but it's more due to biochemical reasons than psychological. As per him, the autoimmune disease had affected the adrenaline gland attached to the kidney. I was prescribed medicines for Narcolepsy and some other medicines. For the first few days, I felt a bit better, however, the effect didn't last long. Finally, we were told that a transplant might help as medicines and dialysis weren't helping.

Finally, I underwent a transplant (thanks to my sister) and the symptoms of depression subsided within 3-4 weeks of the transplant. Now, I don't know whether it was the transplanted kidney or the hope and energy that came with a transplant, but I was feeling better.

When I look back, perhaps I had never reached that acceptance stage or maybe the electrolyte imbalance didn't let me reach that stage. I recently read a paper that renal patients with depression suffer from a more aggressive progression of the disease. The only things I understand based on my experience is that there are genuine physiological reasons that can cause depression. Seeing a Psychiatrist should be similar to seeing any other specialist.

I consider myself blessed that I had a tremendous support system in terms of family, friends, colleagues, and doctors who supported me and tried to understand me when I couldn't express myself.

[Samurai]

Was talking my mom about this. She told about a case that happened with a wellknown surgeon in Manipal. His dad was unwell for a while, and his mom was taking care of him. One day his mom found her husband unresponsive since he was unconscious. She called her son repeatedly, but he couldn't come to the phone since he was in surgery. She got angry and told the servant that both her husband and son are not responding to her. Moments later she went to the bedroom and hanged herself. By the time husband became conscious and son called back, it was all over.

The popular theory floated is that she wanted to have ಮುತ್ತೈದೆ ಸಾವು or death while husband is alive. It is kind of big deal in Karnataka, if a wife dies before husband, it is considered very auspicious. Not sure that concept exists outside of Karnataka. Anyway, many believe she committed suicide to die before the husband. But it could be because of undiagnosed clinical depression.

[AMG Power]

Originally Posted by androdev

Even if it helps one person not to consider the majority opinion as the scientific Gospel, my effort would not have gone in vain.

Please note that while you assume you may be able to help one person there is also the possibility that you could mislead hundreds in an area as serious as mental health.

Request not to post personal opinions, assumptions, hearsay, copy / paste from the Internet to justify a non professionally qualified opinion in such a serious domain. Please confine to direct experience or qualified professional knowledge for the safety of others. Thanks.

[JojyKerala]

Originally Posted by blackwasp

Talking about mental health is considered a big taboo

Thank you for starting this post. I was feeling a bit low and this thread has perked me up a bit.

I feel better by just reading through all the wonderful insights on this thread.

Originally Posted by Jeroen

I am very sorry, but in all honesty you are completely of the mark. It is remarkable the number of likes your post already has. I think it shows a considerable, if not complete misunderstanding of what depression really is.

Originally Posted by Jeroen

So please, don’t oversimplify depression. It is very real, very complex and typically requires a multitude of different treatments. Unfortunately, for some it can be a condition for life.
Jeroen

Originally Posted by Jeroen

For those who would like to take a slightly deeper look into Depression, what (possibly) causes it, possible treatments etc:

Jeroen - all the posts you have shared on this thread come from a personal space (sister's loss, yours and your son's perspective) and it lends a high level of gravitas to your statements. Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping people like me have a better understanding of the condition.

Originally Posted by libranof1987

My wife is a psychologist (albeit specializing in Sports and Performance); I'd asked her to take a look at this thread. Here are her thoughts, verbatim.

Very useful write-up and links!

[silverado]

My B-I-L is a case of mild clinical depression.The problem is my inlaws have given up on trying for him.They are happy with antidepressants and dont have an issue even if he is home now and has quit his job.
he is 35 unmarried , he quit college when in 11th.

He is passionate about computers and likes Dj equipment.
All my attempts to perk him up to take a job/follow his hobbies etc have only succeeded for some time.

He is low in confidence and for some inexplicable reason, his parents dont want to take him to counseller!

On other hand , Long time back one of my uncles was in Depression, had to be administered shocks and after which he started working. He went to Dubai worked there for 10 years, has done well in his life.

My company has a Outreach program where in we can speak to such individuals and assist them.

Mental disorders/Depression is not a rich man's thing, it can absolutely happen to anyone IMO and i can bet we all must have gone through some levels of depression in our life at various stages.( We may not realize it )

[alpha1]

Originally Posted by Jeroen

To date they have no indication as to what happened. Apparently, statistically, these days in western societies, when young people (teenagers) take their own life, more often than not, they are being bullied. Be it at school, the Internet. But as far as we, her friends, the school, the various organisation she was a member of, there was no evidence whatsoever.

Is the bullying phenomena as prevalent as they show on the English movie and TV shows?

Don't know about the scene in Indian schools and colleges these days but I can't recall major incidents in my school or college (not just for me but anyone else also) that can be labelled as bullying or ganging up and picking on someone.

Watching the English shows gives me an impression that bullying is surreptitiously encouraged in the western society (to make an adult out of you or as a way of social dominance).

Is this correct?

[Jeroen]

Originally Posted by alpha1

Is the bullying phenomena as prevalent as they show on the English movie and TV shows?

Don't know about the scene in Indian schools and colleges these days but I can't recall major incidents in my school or college (not just for me but anyone else also) that can be labelled as bullying or ganging up and picking on someone.

Watching the English shows gives me an impression that bullying is surreptitiously encouraged in the western society (to make an adult out of you or as a way of social dominance).

Is this correct?

Bullying in many western societies is a real problem and has been for many years. It has also taken a long time for it be recognised as a real threat to kids.

I would say that in general most people would disapprove of bullying. Schools these days tend to have special bullying protocols. But it can be difficult to pick up. It is very often hidden. Also, some, to your point, will see it as normal part of growing up.

In that sense there are some parallels into the discussion with respect to depression. Everybody is likely to feel depressed some time. It is pretty normal. But when does it become a real problem? When kids start having health problems, behavioural problems, let alone suicidal thoughts, there is a problem with the bullying.

What we do see is of course that certain prominent figures have a very dominant/bullying type of style. Some people approve of that. (E.g. how Trump deals with the press).

So yes, it is a real problem and most people will see it as a real problem. It is being addressed, but it is complex and often difficult to notice, until it has already done quite a bit of damage.

Jeroen

[GTO]

A Team-BHP Fan shares this anonymously:

Hello friends,

I was thinking about posting a query related to this topic, but was not sure where and how? There was another issue whether I should ask about it in the open forum or anonymously.

Thank you GTO for showing the way in case the need be.

My query is related to my sister's teenage daughter, who my sister says is suffering from some kind of depression or mental illness. They are living out of India for the last 5 years and my sister says that she is suffering from such condition for the last 2 years but they decided not to share it with any of the family members.

As per my observation and the observation of other family members and relatives when my sister came to India for their last two visits, she seems to be absolutely normal.

For me the behavior seems to be like of any teenager these days asking for complete freedom, which is not the case with my niece. Her parents give her freedom with some restrictions which is unlike what the kids of her age get in the country of their residence.

Just before the lockdown, my sister and niece came back to India for her treatment and she is visiting a psychiatrist ever since. She was under medication for a short time and also under clinical care for three weeks.

The signs which are used to support my niece's condition are:

1. She gets fits but there is no stiff body, or shivering or jamming of jaw etc.
2. She tries to choke herself by strangulating with her "HANDS"
3. Shouting and getting aggressive with her parents
4. Most of the times she is normal but very aggressive and stubborn sometimes. What causes this behavior has not been shared though.
5. There might be more symptoms which I am not aware of and the medical reports have not been shared either.

My query is:

1. Are any of the signs that I mentioned, indicative of this being associated with some serious mental condition?
2. Is it possible that some kids in their teenage behave this way to make their parents agree to what they want, or in a way to trouble them?
3. In the present times of availability of so much information on the web, isn't it easy to manipulate and act in such a way that its easy for even a doctor to really find out the truth?
4. Sincere apologies for writing this but, in case the doctor is aware, why would he/she let got of such a patient which adds up to his/her earning without much of an effort?

The reasons why I think that way and have a doubt:

Though I have not met my niece personally this time (I am a sailor and was stuck on ship due to COVID, reached home just yesterday) but based on the information that I have from my parents, these are what the observations are.

1. No one except her parents have seen the bouts of fits happening ever, not even the domestic help who used to stay in the house for almost 10 hours.
2. During the period of clinical care of three weeks, there was not even a single incident of either fits or aggressive behavior.
3. During the clinical care period she used to go out in the hospital compound for a walk twice a day and used to change her clothes twice a day.
4. Since this was a lockdown and there were restrictions to movement, she always wanted to go out and roam around.
5. During their visit last year, they stayed with us for two weeks and there was not even an iota of a hint that she is having any such condition. We had a lot of fun and moved around the city for shopping, eating out and just roaming around with family.
6. During their visit in 2018, they had stayed here with us (I was not home) for two weeks again and everything seemed to be normal with her, the family had celebrated her birthday here at my place.
7. My niece has discussed life and her plans in general with my wife and those discussions seem to be from a very normal teenager.

My sister and her husband have a somewhat troubled married life but have not either separated or divorced. My niece was a witness to every incident as a child.

My sister does not want to talk and discuss about this and does not even once, for the sake of discussion assume that it's more of growing up issues rather than some serious mental condition. Over possessive parenting, I think.

I feel it's more of those teenage tantrums than some really dangerous condition and requires discussion between the individuals more than the intervention of a psychiatrist or a doctor and I really feel sorry for my niece being in such condition.

I seek your opinion, assistance and guidance.

Thank you.

Regards.

[chinchu.c]

Being a Psychologist it makes me really glad to see this thread here. Mental Health is an important -and probably the least discussed - health issue in India. The mental health treatment gap is also large in India.
October 10th is the World Mental Health day and I'd love to see if an initiative is taken to take up mental health advocacy as a campaign in connection with it.
I am giving below two links on suicide prevention helplines. If anyone reading this discussion or anyone known to them are having suicidal or self-harming thoughts, please call those numbers or take professional help at the earliest
Link 1:
https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Asia/
Crisis intervention centres in India affiliated with the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)

Link 2:
https://www.spif.in/mental-health-pr...als-directory/
Contact details of mental health professionals from the website of Suicide Prevention India Foundation

[akp666]

Some people here think family is the solution or a healthy life style while others think doctors can help and suggest medical advice which has turned into a debate. I guess people are losing sight of the intent of this thread.

I'll share my own experience to give some context:

I got over the underlying depression and issues I did not address for years. I am 32 now, I come from a broken home which was still quite rare when I was young. Indian society is flawed like that, people remain in loveless marriages and that’s ok, but a divorce is a huge no no. Go figure. But I digress, this is a topic for another time. Mom and dad separated even before I was born and the divorce was finalised 2 months after I came into this world. I will not go in detail into the case but an ugly custody battle meant Dad had to pay a lot in settlement and lost all privileges as well and was allowed to meet me only once a week. Two months after my mother “won” me, she left me at my dad’s doorstep at 6am one fine day and said I can’t take care of him. Dad took formal custody of me from that day and almost singlehandedly raised me (with some help from family members as we live in a joint family), but mostly it was all him. Raised me alone for 10 years did not even think of marriage as I was the priority.

Finally he remarried when I was 10, and with that I got a step mom and a step brother which made me mostly happy as I had some semblance of a family, not simply a dad and a mom that I would see once a week. I never lost touch with my birth mother, and I grew up to my 20’s I understood how I was being manipulated by her and what the real issues were. My dad never uttered a single bad word against my mom, and never refused when she came to visit or when I went to visit her. He told me the truth when I asked, and the weight of the truth and my understanding of the issues were too heavy for me to handle, and a lot of my abandonment issues crept up and I went spiraling into a dark place before I knew it. I confronted my mom and we had a huge fight and did not speak for 8 years (We are in touch now, on and off. I respect her but there is no love left) And before anyone says anything, I spoke with my mom and dad and both sides of relatives to understand the real issues and not one version of the truth. Both my dad’s brothers-in-law are still close to my dad and are in regular touch with him still, speaks a lot about what went wrong.

When I look back, everything came from that dark place. No promotion, my fault. People not liking me, my fault. I felt I deserved this because when one’s own mother leaves you, what is the world going to do? I felt I was a curse and a burden from the start and hated the fact that I was even born. Many failed relationships were because I broke up with people or cut people out when I felt they were about to hurt me, so to survive I cut them out or shunned them from my life before they could. I was in my 20’s then, and honestly I still cry when I think, talk, write about this. It took me and my family almost 12 years to understand what was wrong with me. My family could not make any sense out of it even when I spoke to them. I grew distant from my dad as well, the same man who literally was the only parent or close person I had. NO AMOUNT OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE HELPED! I was almost fine at first, functioning normally, but the last three years have been pure hell for me. Was seconds close to taking my life multiple times and I am glad my attempts failed or I chickened out. And from the surface I am successful, have an amazing job, loving family, have never been more fit in the last 3-4 years than I have been my entire life, a loving girlfriend that I have somehow been with for the last 5 years. Seriously that woman has some god level patience to deal with me and my issues. And even now as I write this a thought crept up in my head that I don’t deserve her. That’s underlying issues for you, which have been resolved by a medical professional!

What helped to a very large extent was when finally I decided that I needed help. Told my parents and against their better judgement, I still went. That was a year back, and this is me here, trying to live one day at a time to the fullest. The issues and thoughts are there, they don’t go away, but I know how to deal with them now and focus on what is important. Me. Still trying to heal myself because I am unable to put my fears aside and marry this amazing individual, because even a thought of the fact that it might not work out and if we get separated, or that she might leave me, and god forbid I have a child and the kid goes through something that is even 5% of what I went through is too much for me to handle at this point of time. Trying to get past it slowly. Still trying. Still fighting with my own thoughts.

Depression is a term thrown around with such nonchalance or is not taken seriously and one only realizes what is what when it rears it's ugly head. If you have never been depressed or are not a trained professional to handle it, please do not insult people like me or others that are dealing with or helping others deal with issues. Your way might work for you, but not for others, including your own family members. Do not be this short sighted and have a general rule fits all/helps all policy.

To people who are struggling, don't give up, don't think reaching out will not help. Don't think music won't help. Everything helps. Find something you love and use it, or reach out. Don't shy away from help.

Alternatively if you know someone who needs help, reach out to them because they might not be okay. Help them to seek the medical help they need, do not try and solve it on your won, because after a certain point you might not be able to. Mental health matters.

Please PM incase anyone wants to be share and lighten their load. I'll always listen.