[Axe77]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

Then 2021 stuck. My wife passed away due to covid complications within a span of 10 days. Since then each day passes in a daze.


I don't know the clinical symptoms of depression but I am severely depressed and keep having suicidal thoughts.

But the very thought of having to spend the rest of my life without her turns every day into a depressing event. Maybe it's too soon and these feelings may go away with time. But for now it's turning to be hard to cope with the loss.

Firstly, I am so very sorry for the loss that you and your daughter both are facing. Coming to your immediate issues, may I just suggest the following.

Take formal counselling to deal with your grief. No one on this forum, however well meaning, is qualified to assess purely from online posts what you are going through (whether it is depression vs sadness or whatever else) and what name tag it should be given. Even your well wisher family members or close friends will be pillars in their own way but not necessarily give you the right advise that a professional counseller can give.

Please do this without delay. You owe it to yourself and your young daughter who now only has you to lean on to ensure both of you are in a mentally good space at some point.

Secondly, please also actively consider professional and specialist counselling for your daughter as well. You may or may not fully recognise what she is going through in all its complexity. I am not an expert but there could be a space for joint counselling for you both too perhaps.

There is absolutely no downside of getting professional assistance in overcoming this grief that you are facing and whether it is then depression, suicidal thoughts or whatever else is the range of emotions you are going through, use friends, family and professionals in helping you through this journey.

I wish you strength, peace and the courage to chart through these most trying times.

[Engine_Roars]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

This seems to be the correct thread to vent my feelings. I am an introvert so making new friends or opening up does not come easily to me. On top of that I am a pessimist too - not by choice, it just that my thinking functions that way. So I was very happy in 2010 when my arranged marriage turned out to be the best decision in my life.

Though it was an arranged marriage, we fell for each other since the first day. Trust and mutual understanding were the building blocks for a very strong relationship. We had our daughter two years later and out happiness knew no bounds. Then 2021 stuck. My wife passed away due to covid complications within a span of 10 days. Since then each day passes in a daze.

But the very thought of having to spend the rest of my life without her turns every day into a depressing event. Maybe it's too soon and these feelings may go away with time. But for now it's turning to be hard to cope with the loss.

So very sorry for your loss. It can never be easy to lose a loved one at such a young age. Please do not look for a name for what ever you are going through. Please seek professional help. You might have already realized however your daughter will need you now more than ever and you will have to march on, for her sake.

My DM is open, please feel free to message if at all you feel like venting out and you don't find anyone around. Stay put, your wife's love for you & your daughter will get you out of this. Please give this a chance & some time.

[saket77]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

This seems to be the correct thread to vent my feelings. I am an introvert so making new friends or opening up does not come easily to me. On top of that I am a pessimist too - not by choice, it just that my thinking functions that way. So I was very happy in 2010 when my arranged marriage turned out to be the best decision in my life

Really sad and devastating but We are really glad that you chose to share your feelings. I’m replying to your post only because I went through something similar in life. I was 25 when I suddenly lost my mother. And just 3 years later, at 28 I lost my father to cancer just in a span of few months after being detected. After my parents were gone, I used to live alone, since my elder sister was married and away. I used to get thoughts like you and was definitely in severe depression. I had stopped going to office so no work, no friends, no companion and nothing to look forward to.
You too, my friend, are going through a bad phase but believe me, you still have a life to look forward to. More so, because you’ve a daughter whose future you need to shape up. You still have a lot of moments in life that will change your current negative outlook; just that you are not able to see currently because of the unfortunate situation your into. I don’t say that the wound will heal completely; a scar will always be there but with time, it wouldn’t hurt you so much so often. I say this with my personal learning.
No harm in meeting someone who can counsel both of you. Every bit of support and positivity helps.
Please fee free to reach to anyone of us you may think will help or post on this thread. We all will do whatever we can.

[Rehaan]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

This seems to be the correct thread to vent my feelings.

Incredibly sorry to hear about this.

Echoing what some others have said in the thread already...

Please allow yourself and your daughter to get professional help.

There is a specific area of specialization for Grief Counseling. (This article touches upon it)


Also just sharing a google link to get you started.


If you need some clarity or motivation, maybe try to think of what your wife would want you to do in this situation...

[humyum]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

This seems to be the correct thread to vent my feelings. I am an introvert so making new friends or opening up does not come easily to me. On top of that I am a pessimist too - not by choice, it just that my thinking functions that way. So I was very happy in 2010 when my arranged marriage turned out to be the best decision in my life.

Though it was an arranged marriage, we fell for each other since the first day. Trust and mutual understanding were the building blocks for a very strong relationship. We had our daughter two years later and out happiness knew no bounds. Then 2021 stuck. My wife passed away due to covid complications within a span of 10 days. Since then each day passes in a daze.

Since lockdown started in 2020, it was complete wfh for both of us and online school for our daughter. So we were so used to having each other around the whole time that now it feels very sad to have no one to talk to about my feelings or anything else. I don't know the clinical symptoms of depression but I am severely depressed and keep having suicidal thoughts. I keep pushing them away because on the bright side, I have a good job, no loans or liabilities and a understanding daughter (8 years old now).

But the very thought of having to spend the rest of my life without her turns every day into a depressing event. Maybe it's too soon and these feelings may go away with time. But for now it's turning to be hard to cope with the loss.

Sorry to hear about your loss and I can't even imagine what you must be going through but stay strong for yourself and for your daughter.

My DM, phone or anytime you want to meet up is always open. I stay in Mumbai but we will figure something out.

I have been wanting to write on this thread for sometime but every time I type, I backspace it. Its maybe out of fear of someone known reading or maybe something else, not able to pin point.

I was in depression for a couple of years and had all the symptoms which doc above described a couple of pages back. Weight loss, no interest in life or doing anything, slept all day long, thoughts of killing oneself etc. In fact depression created a small patch in the front of my head which suddenly had very scanty hair. With medication and getting out of the depression, some of it grew back but its still a little scanty as compared to rest of my head.

The path to recovery was through medication, parents and friends and though diversion whenever the ultimate though of doing the unthinkable came. There were times when I have sat at Bandra reclamation all alone with just tears not knowing what to do. Horrible times.

Over the years, depression is gone but some scars of it are still left.

I get night terrors sometimes. Over the episodes I have learnt to differentiate the not real from the real very quickly when I get them but its still there. I don't know when or how they will vanish but sometimes for weeks its peace and then bang suddenly out of the blue.

Confidence is still building as years pass by. I was super confident before this happened, now over the years I am 70-75% of what I was earlier but its increasing bit by bit with every year.

Just an example of the confidence bit, this answer was lying written for 2 days, just did not know should post it or not.

Life has to go on. If not for me, for my parents for whom I am the only son. Being happy is not only about ourselves, its for the people around too.

[saket77]

Originally Posted by humyum

Being happy is not only about ourselves, its for the people around too.

I know this post of mine will not add any value to the thread but I just cannot help appreciating the last couple of lines of this post. You summed up all in just one simple line. Thanks.

Regards.

[chinchu.c]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

But the very thought of having to spend the rest of my life without her turns every day into a depressing event. Maybe it's too soon and these feelings may go away with time. But for now it's turning to be hard to cope with the loss.

So sorry to know about your loss. Bereavement of a dear one is difficult to cope with.
What you are experiencing now is the stage of grief, the signs of which will take some time to subside.
However, if you feel that the feelings are too overwhelming for you, or if they are interfering with your responsibilities towards your daughter, I would suggest you to consult a mental health professional.

[luvDriving]

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I knew that this was the right (and only) online forum where I can open up freely.

As regards professional help, my aunt is a psychiatrist and although she is also affected very much by this sudden loss, she and a couple of her friends are helping us to cope with it.

I am aware that time and only time is the medicine to come to terms with this loss. My daughter's online school has started now so that is a small relief.

[INJAXN]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I knew that this was the right (and only) online forum where I can open up freely.

As regards professional help, my aunt is a psychiatrist and although she is also affected very much by this sudden loss, she and a couple of her friends are helping us to cope with it.

I am aware that time and only time is the medicine to come to terms with this loss. My daughter's online school has started now so that is a small relief.

Hey,

It's good that you are seeking professional help. It is really important to have someone to talk to.

One of my office colleague, a close friend is in similar situation. He has a 3 years old daughter, and the beautiful child is still unaware of the unfortunate incident. Even after a month, she still believes that her mother is in hospital and will be home one day.

I was able to convince him to seek professional help, he is talking to a counsellor now.

[luvDriving]

Yes It is really important to have someone to talk to because losing someone so close makes you feel very lonely even though you may be surrounded by other family members.

I was in the same dilemma as to how to break the news to my daughter. I kept it from her for five days, telling her that mom is very sick. But another friend who lost his wife suddenly one night last year due to cardiac arrest and who has 2 small children told me that dont keep her hoping that mom will come back and let her know as soon as possible.

So I mustered up all the courage that I could and held her close and told her that mom turned very sick and even though doctors tried their best, they could not save her. She was very upset for some days as was expected. Now she is better but it will take a lot more time and patience to get back to the new normal in the house.

Telling a three year old is a lot more difficult since they cannot relate to the concept of death and its finality. Hope the counselling helps to reduce some pain.

[Avinash_R]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I knew that this was the right (and only) online forum where I can open up freely.

I am aware that time and only time is the medicine to come to terms with this loss.

Hang in there and I must say you have been incredibly brave in this situation. Not everyone has the guts to share their experiences like you have. All the best to you and your daughter.

I kept a picture of my daughter in my wallet and whenever I had suicidal or depressing thoughts, I would look at it and it would help me refocus on the big picture.

Keep looking at the big picture i.e. your daughter's well-being and happiness and am sure you will get back your mojo.

[condor]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

So I mustered up all the courage that I could and held her close and told her that mom turned very sick and even though doctors tried their best, they could not save her. She was very upset for some days as was expected. Now she is better but it will take a lot more time and patience to get back to the new normal in the house.

Telling a three year old is a lot more difficult since they cannot relate to the concept of death and its finality. Hope the counselling helps to reduce some pain.

Hi LuvDriving, I admire your courage. Like you said, it is Not easy at all to tell a child that her mother is not there for her. Even more so when you are facing the loss of the one you was closest to you. A three year old will not comprehend it fully, but your telling her was very very important.

We (not just me, but others here too) dont know you personally - but trust me, you are in the thoughts of many of us here. Please be strong - you can surprise yourself.

Reach out to people you trust, people who are close to you. It is absolutely fine to ask for any support you feel you need.

Take care, my friend.

[distiller]

Originally Posted by luvDriving

Yes It is really important to have someone to talk to because losing someone so close makes you feel very lonely even though you may be surrounded by other family members.

I was in the same dilemma as to how to break the news to my daughter. I kept it from her for five days, telling her that mom is very sick. But another friend who lost his wife suddenly one night last year due to cardiac arrest and who has 2 small children told me that dont keep her hoping that mom will come back and let her know as soon as possible.

So I mustered up all the courage that I could and held her close and told her that mom turned very sick and even though doctors tried their best, they could not save her. She was very upset for some days as was expected. Now she is better but it will take a lot more time and patience to get back to the new normal in the house.

Telling a three year old is a lot more difficult since they cannot relate to the concept of death and its finality. Hope the counselling helps to reduce some pain.

Hello luvDriving, thanks for sharing and even when I don’t know you I could relate myself to the time that you are going through. I admire your courage & your understanding especially when you’ve a little daughter.
It’s good to know that you’ve access to professional support & the plus point is that the you know the person very well.
I never had the strength & trust to seek a support albeit even a professional one and I’ve been through some testing times. For me time was the best healer but eventually some scars never get cured.
I’m not sure if I can be of any help. Although if you feel please feel free to DM me.

[manmeetd]

Originally Posted by SwiftSD

Hello,

Treating the condition has not been the challenge but identifying it and trying to avoid the recurrence has been thus seeking some expert advice on the following areas.

1. What could be causing the consistent recurrence every 2 or 3 years ? -- Dad is a retired person for the last couple of years so work related stress has not been a contributor per my understanding.
2. Since there is no cure, what could be a way to avoid recurrence ?


Thank You!

I've a sibling with Bipolar and I can understand what you're going through. It's really difficult to see them like this and it's a constant worry that they might need to be helped again soon.

We didn't get a formal diagnosis until 2-3 years ago but I'm sure the problem has been there since the very beginning. I'm not sure what might have triggered it. We had to take him to the hospital this one time and the hospital in Delhi made a lot of money by overcharging us and taking undue advantage of the fact that we were suffering without many options.

It's been 9 years since we've been dealing with this and I'm only now beginning to realise that this is never ending. My only learning is that the caregiver's well being comes first. Dealing with a mental health patient on a daily basis adds a significant stress on a daily basis (in addition to the stress part of normal life) and requires many compromises and sacrifices.

Please feel free to reach out if you'd like someone to talk to!

[SwiftSD]

Originally Posted by manmeetd

I've a sibling with Bipolar and I can understand what you're going through. It's really difficult to see them like this and it's a constant worry that they might need to be helped again soon.

Thanks for the note. Yes, as you rightly said it is challenging especially to identify what is normal and what is not and then to act timely to provide the necessary care. The impact it has on the family members is huge and not to mention the financial loss associated.

Since this does not have a long term cure, having a trusted doctor who is aware of the case history helps and also a general recommendation is to continue having regular check ups so that it can be dealt with during the early stages itself.

May you and your family have all the strength to deal with it and hope your sibling has a balanced life.