[chevelle]

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.
"Heck, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini!"

---------------------------------------

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[m_upreti]

Trying to save fuel & tax

http://www.jagran.com/news/oddnews-3659.html

[johnda]

Got this in my mail... dont know if its been posted earlier.. great idea!!!

[LOKSIN]

Hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies:
"If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

Note from Support - Post edited. [font] [color] tags removed. Copying and posting using external text editors will not work. Please use Preview Post feature prior to submitting your post to verify that all is in order.

[m_upreti]

Originally Posted by LOKSIN

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies:
"If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is a good one and true for most softwares untill they stabilise

[LOKSIN]

EXPENSE STATEMENT

3/10 Ad for female stenographer 100
4/10 Flowers for new stenographer 30
6/10 Weeks salary for new stenographer 1500
9/10 Roses for new stenographer 100
10/10 Sweets for wife 15
13/10 Lunch for stenographer 280
15/10 Weeks salary for stenographer 2000
16/10 Film tickets for wife and self 100
18/10 Play ticket for steno and self 2000
19/10 Icecream for wife 50
22/10 Bobby's salary 3000
23/10 Champagne and dinner for Bobby and self 2000
25/10 Doctor for stupid stenographer 5000
26/10 Necklace for wife 20000
27/10 Ad for male stenographer 100

[bluevolt]

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back
"The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late.. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge.
"The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you.?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

[vivekiny2k]

Originally Posted by m_upreti

Trying to save fuel & tax

I can't find a pic, but i have seen 3-4 semis hitched in cascade for transport.

[m_upreti]

Originally Posted by vivekiny2k

I can't find a pic, but i have seen 3-4 semis hitched in cascade for transport.

Hitching is pretty common in India

[Mr.Boss]

Hyundai Accent 2000 reaches 0-100 in 4.7 sec, that too in CNG

Source: http://classifieds.team-bhp.com/buy-...i/Accent.html/

[abhipuru16]

Originally Posted by IronH4WK

btw, what's with that toll booth picture?

That you found it absolutely normal !!

[adg_andy]

Idiot Awards goes to


Number One Idiot : I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your award, lady. Wear it with pride.


Number Two Idiot : Early this year, some airline employees on the airfield decided to Steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed with the airline.

Here's your award, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.


Number Three Idiot : A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag" While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a Few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the street told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was Arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's award. He probably couldn't read it anyway.


Number four Idiot : Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Oh, that's smart. Give him his award.


Number Five Idiot : A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked at it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs an award!

[s@tan2s@int]

Ways you can avoid accompanying your wife/girlfriend on those long shopping trips !

[mayankk]

So, is everyone clear on when what class is?



Screenshot-ted from the tonight show!

[m_upreti]

Originally Posted by s@tan2s@int

Ways you can avoid accompanying your wife/girlfriend on those long shopping trips !

Excellent idea, but I am not sure if this would work in India