[venkyhere]

Rants of a car commuter in bangalore :

As a gentleman, you maintain distance from the rear of the vehicle ahead, not for paying obeisance to the motor vehicle act, but to use him as a pothole-alert decoy. But the uber-cab / auto beside you, thinks "who is this moron" and squeezes in front of you. And as you gently press your brakes to restore your vision of the tyres of your brand new decoy, BHAAAMM... your suspension just exploded with expletives that trace back through several generations of your lineage. You are filled with pity for your struts and strut mounts, but rage for the moron who did this to you. You pass on the lineage questioning expletives via brain telemetry to the guy who just did the equivalent of the middle-finger salute that Venkatesh Prasad gave Aamir Sohail.

Speaking of middle fingers, the road infrastructure of bangalore is, in summary, BBMP showing the middle finger to you - yes, we will take highest registration tax in the country, and give you a multi-course cuisine in return. What..what ? , you may ask.

This :

1. Pothole type A - torrential (strike that) 30 minutes of rain induced multilayer-concentric-rings-birthday cake pothole : looks like the drone shot of a iron-ore mine.

2. Pothole type B - sinkhole style base-erosion driven geological anomaly. Underneath the tar, the road contractor put biscuit wrappers instead of crushed stones. Poor chap must have been left with a meagre 1 trillion dollars, after picking up a contract worth 20 trillion, because the bribe-network payoffs ate away 19 of those, for a 5km road laying contract.

3. Pothole type C - unfinished business. Cauvery water pipe laying, airtel fibre-optic cable laying, Natural gas pipe laying, I-like-digging-so-im-laying-some-leftover-PVC-pipes-from-the-next-hardware-store pipe laying ; all artfully done. 4-5 layers of surface excavated, and 1 layer of mud added after the pipes are in. Job done - a giant portal to "paatal lok". If you notice carefully, the depression is not exactly longitudinal or transverse to the direction of travel of vehicles. If longitudinal, the size of the depression is widest, where the road is naturally narrowest. If transverse, it's always diagonal, to ensure each wheel feels an independent jolt, instead of having a partner wheel to share if it were anywhere close to being 'roughly straight across'. Genius craftsmanship, I say.

4. Protrusion type A - manholes. The word 'hole' is a misnomer here, because the size of the manhole cover is the size of the dish antennas at space observatories. And they are specifically designed such that there are sharp edges (yes, sharp edges on something that is shaped like a circle, go figure) on the 'concrete platform' on which the manhole cover sits. Yes, concrete stronger than that used for home/apartment construction in bangalore city (which, if you notice, cause buildings to collapse like a house of cards). No, no, manhole covers must be made from titanium grade concrete, and not from the variety used by building contractors.

5. Protrusion type B - pizza toppings. Yes, even the biggest, costliest, all-in, cheese overloaded, heart attack ready pizza from the swankiest fake-italian eatery in bangalore, wont match up to the sheer density of toppings delivered by the 'patch work' contractor, on those roads which are 'repaired' after lots of public unrest and candle marches and paying obeiscance at the lotus feet of the coporation ward member of that area. These pizza topping roads are equally fiesty as the potholes, in extracting expletive laden curses from your suspension.

6. Protrusion type C - humps. The trademark, ISI mark, Agmark, signature dish of Namma Bengaluru. Inverse dome, inverse semi-dome, inverse parabola, inverse trapezoidal ramp, grand canyon walls, karakonam mountain range - you will find humps of all mathematical and geological varieties. Sometimes, it goes beyond math and geology, into the realm of a military level surgical strike : where, after your wheels have climbed over mount kilimanjaro, they immediately land in the mariana trench. The hump-followed-immediately-by-pothole jugalbandhi. The stuff of engineering genius, ensuring that even if you drive a monster truck, you suffer an underbody hit nevertheless.

[Everlearner]

Originally Posted by itwasntme

Please note:

People driving into BLR city (from underneath the Yelahanka-Hebbal flyover) and merging into the main carriageway in front of Columbia Asia.

Yesterday at least, BTP suddenly closed the median gap in front of Esteem Mall and forced all traffic to continue straight into the service road. Unless it was a trial, anyone wanting to merge towards City should take the Columbia Asia merging point only, or else resign oneself to taking the cloverleaf from underneath Hebbal flyover.

I can understand the logic as people coming out of Kempapura are driving the wrong way, and turning into the main carriageway. The red rectangle gap was closed off yesterday:

I traveled 2 days back and the opening is now unblocked. Not sure if it remains so, better to take the previous opening to be safe.

[itwasntme]

Originally Posted by Everlearner

I traveled 2 days back and the opening is now unblocked. Not sure if it remains so, better to take the previous opening to be safe.

Noted that last few days. I suppose they have removed due to irate commuters and hope it stays this way. The Columbia Asia merging point is highly accident-prone.

[Romins]

Most of outer ring road is closed for Metro work after 10pm, so you will have to go through service roads. Please consider this if you are taking outer ring road in the night.

[anand.shankar]

Originally Posted by venkyhere

Rants of a car commuter in bangalore :

As a gentleman, you maintain d......................................suffer an underbody hit nevertheless.

Adding the latest to this, the rumbler blitzkrieg in ORR right after the KR Puram turn.. As if the mountainous platform speed bumps and rough patches and patchwork joints and potholes, torisional twisters, expansion 'jolts' weren't enough, please welcome the series of rumblers strips ... The stretch between EMC and Lowry College is for no reason!

[hrk997]

Honestly, I am fed up of the situation there, and have resolved to travel by cycle instead! It is actually faster to travel by cycle since you only need to stop at the signal. On a bike, you're constantly harassed by greedy traffic cops who wouldn't think twice about throwing you off of your vehicle to make an extra hundred bucks. Distances under 10km can be covered without much effort, and it's healthier too. If more people were to embrace cycling, commuting would become faster for everyone involved, until cops decide to harass cyclists. Bengaluru traffic cops are truly a shameless lot - from someone who has had to drive a TN vehicle there for years.

[raghu.bramha]

That was hillarious stuff Thanks for adding some comic relief to otherwise a very frustrating issue in Bengaluru

[goandude]

Originally Posted by venkyhere

Rants of a car commuter in bangalore :

As a gentleman, you maintain distance from the rear of the vehicle ahead, not for paying obeisance to the motor vehicle act

Superbly written, kudos to you to add humor in such pitiable civic conditions.

And as for cycling,... I've been riding my bike for last year and half and I find myself getting close shaves with death ever so often. Brazen taxi guys going wrong way, cars speeding very close to me, autos cutting me off, once I had a bus overtake and turn sharply.
You need nerves of steel and an overworked guardian angel to ride a bike in this corrupt city

[Zorro4X4]

Half the road is used for parking (free free free) and half the roads are fit for a battle tank. Frankly I don't understand what it would take for these guys to wake up.

[malim]

Originally Posted by venkyhere

The hump-followed-immediately-by-pothole jugalbandhi.

Along with its distant cousin, the wide speed breaker with a burgeoning pothole on the apex. A buy-one-get-one offer for the ages.

[saion666]

Originally Posted by hrk997

On a bike, you're constantly harassed by greedy traffic cops who wouldn't think twice about throwing you off of your vehicle to make an extra hundred bucks. .

Though am not in Bangalore but in Kolkata, the situation is the same here too.
The very reason i got a no-registration electric scooter instead. Now i travel hassel free of cops.

[Dieseldunk]

Originally Posted by venkyhere

Rants of a car commuter in bangalore :

As a gentleman, you maintain distance from the rear of the vehicle ahead, not for paying obeisance to the motor vehicle act, The stuff of engineering genius, ensuring that even if you drive a monster truck, you suffer an underbody hit nevertheless.

That was absolute wit in difficulties.

There is impt hole left out - the hole in your pocket after driving through the terrain created barely fit for monster tyres to tread over.
People pay taxes to get better facilities and in India we pay taxes to get better off roading check for vehicles. Like said-
Wear your helmet or be fined
Wear seatbelt else be fined
Keep the PUC ready else be fined
The roads well it is not your business to ask - govt does not care
Traffic jams who cares - pay through your nose for the fuel and burn your other orifice of the gut.
Want to drive on a somewaht decent road - get the toll receipt and even there wait for a long queue and burn up the fuel- economy who cares 2 hoots

[doxinboy]

Sorry two wheelers, I lost sympathy for you. Joy is the day it pours buckets that you are forced off road so I can discover the joy of driving in the city.

I can't fathom how can a biker slide in front of me from left to right without a slightest of remorse while I hardly have two feet gap from the car up ahead. He is followed by other equally dimwits and forces me to brake giving an opening for an auto to squeeze in the gap. While this is happening to me in the front, the gentleman in the car behind me has lost his cool and attempts to overtake me from left.

To add to the insult, even in a relatively empty stretch, the biker tend to veer towards the center of the road making it impossible for me to pass without honking. Less I say about the autos the better.

I pray at home two times a day but of late I'm observing that while I pray at the end of the day, a part of the prayer includes thanking God for not having any untowards issues and keeping me safe. Who would've thought that the Bangalore traffic conditions and road manners would have made an atheist into a strong believer in God and good karma.

[airbus]

This seems to be at Palace Road - Seshadri Road underpass. If not removed quickly, may lead to traffic jam.



(PC: @vijaybarativ on Twitter)

[binand]

Didn't see this reported here - the whitetopping work has started on the clockwise carriageway of IRR at Domlur (starting at the bottom of the interchange, where the access ramp from OA Road merges with the IRR). Today it was a complete standstill at 11 AM, with the wrong-side riders not helping at all. If you are taking the EGL access road to Wind Tunnel road and onwards to Marathahalli / ORR / Sarjapur Road you might lose only about 15-20 minutes compared to taking the OA Road, but my guess is that going towards Koramangala / Madiwala might be a problem. Be aware, check traffic status on Google Maps etc.

Btw, what's with Google Maps these days, that it shows a regular traffic / ETA when you begin your journey and "adjust" estimates only when you are close to such problem spots?