One thing all the 19281 comments on expert detailing never covered and the perils of this one thing! Clickbait? YES. Am trying to land a job in one of the online media houses as a clickbait writer and am practicing for it and you guys are my guinea pigs.
Getting back to the topic at hand though, I was also one of the "give the car to the 74 year old gent who can exert only enough pressure to squeeze a ripe 15 day old banana left under the sun" types.
I never inspected for the dreaded swirls...swirls I now have learned are on par with global scourges like Ebola, Poverty, Hunger, Corona...and Swirls. As far as I was concerned, when I went to the car in the morning, the vital sign of it having been cleaned was...the 2 wipers should be kept up.
That is it.
Stepping into a car with those two wipers up and some dried water patches below it gave me the warmth a baby butterfly (caterpillar right?) felt in a cocoon. It didn't matter that the cloth this gent, god Bless his soul, used was so scratchy that it could be used as a substitute for steel wool (that even this won't still scratch the itch I get in that inaccessible part of my back at 3.30 AM is another matter...that itch is a curse from the gods and only rubbing myself on a door sill like I was a dog shaking fleas cures it), the 'water' lost any and all qualities that made it 'water' and at that point raw acid on the paint might have done a better job, none of this mattered.
2 wipers up, dry patches near the car = clean car.
Then around 2011 I got into Team BHP, casually got into the detailing threads and the bug bit me and bit me good. Every Sunday that am in town for the past 9 years has the same ritual, wake up, brush teeth and head out by the crack of dawn (in Chennai it is either crack of dawn, night or work directly under Satan's basketball that we call the sun in other parts - the heat makes it impossible to work at a civilised hour, outdoor on your cars that is). Line up my car, my dad and wife's cars, the 2 scooters and go to town.
My podcast, the literal lorry load of microfibre clothes and cleaning tools that would have set me back some 30% of my CTC. My wife still doesn't understand why I need "Megiuars water magnets" when before I used old banian clothes...but then I never ask her why she uses TS Asafoetida powder and not GN asafoetida powder now do I? To each according to his / her own talents woman , mind your business!!!(she doesn't know my ID here....that is why the bravery). In a way she is right though, the age old Indian clothing hierarchy has been upset. Hand me down from an elder brother or cousin, wear it 4 sizes big so you have 5 years to grow in > Car cleaning > Floor cleaning > finally when every shred of its soul has been sucked, toilet floor cleaning. The clothing overlords must be thanking me though as now clothes go from use > dumpster (or charity all kidding aside)
Where was I before meandering off? Yeah, my Sunday routine. I even Tom Sawyered my son into helping me, but that is when he was 5-6 and was excited to be doing adult things. He is now 10 and my requests aren't even honoured with a no, it is just silence and he carries on doing whatever he was doing, he has go find the autonut path himself it seems.
Now I am an compulsive bather, I bathe before my gym, after my gym and once when I reach home, I bathe before going to work, after coming back from work and singlehandedly cause water problems for my entire area according to the Home ministry (my wife and mom). Well, why is this important? It is because the one time I do not take a bath and dress up is before cleaning my car. It is 6 AM, and only a few walking uncles even show up in the designated car washing area (jokes aside, bless my flat association, they actually have this, has a nice high pressure tap, drainage, a pole for hanging wet MF towels etc), it does border a walking area but then Sunday morning! nuff said.
So my usual outfit was my boxers, a torn and old banian I have reserved ONLY for this purpose and a old cap, the sun starts peeping out by 0630 AM and like Dracula I have a severe allergy to the sun. The pharma industry thanks me though as instead of the simple expedient of you know, hanging out in the sun, I avoid the sun and then since my last medical tests showed a negative vitamin D level, I spend a fortune on Vitamin D tablets.
My wife calls this my "Ramu the helper boy" look, but again, haters will hate and detailers will detail I guess.
This Sunday though it all changed. I was about 45 min in, and the amazing Chennai winter is over (highs of 34*C and lows of 20*C, I had a friend visit from Norway and he said this would qualify as a heatwave there), so I was working out quite the sweat.
I had my old earphones on (I used to use true wireless buds, but one fell into a water bucket with armorall car shampoo and while it got clean, it clearly had given up its soul), listening to Henry Kissinger explain on the new world order (Audible, lovely audio book if you like geopolitics) and generally feeling good about myself when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and see a very pretty young thing, and then she was like "Anna neenga car cleaning ku yenna charge panura" translated it means "Bhaiya car cleaning keliye kitna charge karte ho"- this was said in broken Tamil as she and her husband moved in from Mumbai it appears (as I found out later).
Henry Kissinger stopped, the wind stopped, birds froze....my Wife's prophecy of me being seen as "Ramu" had finally come true.
I usually talk nine to the dozen but for one of the few times in my life, was left speechless (another time was when my college Father, Rev Dass asked me what exactly I was doing that I had 2.3% attendance in college...but that is another story, another time, it involves setting up an 'uncle' who doesn't know typhoid from malaria etc etc)...I stuttered like a dumb fool, and she repeated the question, in Hindi for some reason.
I then burst out laughing and told her I charge Rs 10000 / month, she got aghast and then I explained the misunderstanding and it was her turn to go crimson with embarassment.
My wife and mom both laughed for like 2 hours solid when they heard about it.
Much much later, when I was more....non Ramu like attired, I did run into the lady and we had a good chat about it.
So gents, ladies and fellow autoheads, you might be the best detailer on earth, you might have spent a fortune and have a warehouse full of Meguiars products but remember to dress up before you go detailing.
Edit - now that I have your attention and we are all here, DIY claying and compounding, is it a good idea or no? I have a nice manual buffing machine so do all waxing and polishing, but every 6 months get claying work done. The detailer near me charges some 3k for this, and was thinking I can cut the middle man and do it myself. Only thing am worried about is marring the surface by not using the right amount of lubricant. Folks who have done claying here, please guide me on the pros and cons of DIY claying. And here is a life pro trick - Amazon basics has water magnets, I tested one and they work just as well. It costs 1/3rd the cost of Meguiars as well.
Last edited by Stribog : 27th February 2020 at 17:52.
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