The Official Joke thread

typeOnegative · 9th July 2007, 14:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by amitoj

Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.

Err, what the hell was that?

amitoj · 9th July 2007, 15:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by typeOnegative

Err, what the hell was that?

LOL... came to me from a friend down south... i copy pasted as is

abhibh · 13th July 2007, 01:24

Indian Tech Support:
http://uploads.ungrounded.net/192000/192820_tech.swf

speedmiester · 13th July 2007, 08:00

This is true and it happened in one of the (so called) big IT company.

Sadly even I work there.

Sam Kapasi · 14th July 2007, 14:34

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

theMAG · 14th July 2007, 23:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

How did they all comprehend they were to play golf in the first place ?!

BunnyPunia · 23rd July 2007, 14:25

The pic says it all!

Vid6639 · 23rd July 2007, 14:35

lol!! was that car getting towed by the cops? The way the front bumper is it sure does look like that.

BunnyPunia · 23rd July 2007, 14:49

everytime the truck moved, the car moved too, but with a jerk. still, the two chaps sittin up front kept sleepin!

speedmiester · 23rd July 2007, 15:09

OMG, that is hilarious,how could one sleep through all that?

condor · 23rd July 2007, 22:32

RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. Pull the stick back, they get smaller.

That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back when they get bigger again.

3. Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is .

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the 'plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually see the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which one can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which the aircraft can be used again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival ... small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let the aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another aircraft coming in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs.

15. There are three simple rules for ensuring a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no-one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's and going round
and round and all you can hear are screams from your passengers .... then things aren't as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going at hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going at zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes for poor judgement.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember: gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law and not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and bold pilots. Regrettably, there are no old bold pilots.

theMAG · 23rd July 2007, 23:29

Condor - nice list. No rule though is mentioned for how a plane (pilot) should handle a speed bump

Blue Thunder · 23rd July 2007, 23:38

I am sure that these jokes were doing the rounds before VW took over Skoda. Skoda is currently part of the Volkswagen group of Germany, and believe me, the Skodas we get in India now are Volkswagens in disguise. They have some of the best engines and one of the best build quality in the auto industry worldwide today. The 1.9TDi diesel engine in the Skoda Octavia is an ex-Passat engine, and is one of the smoothest and most fuel efficient. Yes, the Skoda cars of yesteryear (before VW took over) were not of the best quality, and were the butt of such jokes. But someone who is not aware of this should not be misled by these jokes to think that the current Skodas that we get in India are substandard stuff.

typeOnegative · 24th July 2007, 09:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Thunder

I am sure that these jokes ... substandard stuff.

Where is the joke? I did not get it.

moralfibre · 24th July 2007, 10:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by typeOnegative

Where is the joke? I did not get it.

Guess he was commenting on Post # 1 of this thread.

13th July 2007, 08:00	#2074
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,387 Thanked: 6,631 Times	Height of low appraisal This is true and it happened in one of the (so called) big IT company. Sadly even I work there.

23rd July 2007, 22:32	#2081
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 15,864 Thanked: 16,014 Times View My Garage	Rules Of The Air RULES OF THE AIR 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. Pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back when they get bigger again. 3. Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is . 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the 'plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually see the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which one can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which the aircraft can be used again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival ... small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let the aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another aircraft coming in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs. 15. There are three simple rules for ensuring a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no-one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's and going round and round and all you can hear are screams from your passengers .... then things aren't as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going at hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going at zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes for poor judgement. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember: gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law and not subject to repeal. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago. 25. There are old pilots and bold pilots. Regrettably, there are no old bold pilots.

13th July 2007, 01:24	#2073
abhibh Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Back in the HOOD near you! Posts: 2,768 Thanked: 39 Times	Indian Tech Support: http://uploads.ungrounded.net/192000/192820_tech.swf

14th July 2007, 14:34	#2075
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,997 Thanked: 2,378 Times View My Garage	Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

23rd July 2007, 14:25	#2077
BunnyPunia BHPian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: New Delhi Posts: 895 Thanked: 1,257 Times View My Garage	The pic says it all!

23rd July 2007, 14:35	#2078
Vid6639 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Bangalore Posts: 17,729 Thanked: 43,464 Times View My Garage	lol!! was that car getting towed by the cops? The way the front bumper is it sure does look like that.

23rd July 2007, 14:49	#2079
BunnyPunia BHPian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: New Delhi Posts: 895 Thanked: 1,257 Times View My Garage	everytime the truck moved, the car moved too, but with a jerk. still, the two chaps sittin up front kept sleepin!

23rd July 2007, 15:09	#2080
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,387 Thanked: 6,631 Times	OMG, that is hilarious,how could one sleep through all that?

23rd July 2007, 23:29	#2082
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,217 Thanked: 1,807 Times View My Garage	Condor - nice list. No rule though is mentioned for how a plane (pilot) should handle a speed bump

23rd July 2007, 23:38	#2083
Blue Thunder Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Right here . Posts: 1,657 Thanked: 386 Times View My Garage	I am sure that these jokes were doing the rounds before VW took over Skoda. Skoda is currently part of the Volkswagen group of Germany, and believe me, the Skodas we get in India now are Volkswagens in disguise. They have some of the best engines and one of the best build quality in the auto industry worldwide today. The 1.9TDi diesel engine in the Skoda Octavia is an ex-Passat engine, and is one of the smoothest and most fuel efficient. Yes, the Skoda cars of yesteryear (before VW took over) were not of the best quality, and were the butt of such jokes. But someone who is not aware of this should not be misled by these jokes to think that the current Skodas that we get in India are substandard stuff.