A true story but FUNNY AS HELL....
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said ''F--- you !'' he then turned to the bride and said ''F--- you !'' and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said..... ''Thanks, I'm out of here.''
He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: 1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception. 2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. 3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.... Ya gotta love this guy.
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Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"
Little Johnny:- "None Miss".
Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"
Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".
Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny:- "Miss, while we're asking questions, could I ask you one?"
Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"
Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"
Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."
Little Johnny:- "Well I'd have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Baby Belly
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "Im having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hiding Smokers
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,"It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them."
The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!"
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist.
"What can I do for you today?"
"I'd like some condoms, please," said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
"How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box."
"I'll take six boxes - that should last about a week," she replied.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like - we have large, extra large, and big liar size."
The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel."
Last edited by 2L8uLoose : 29th June 2006 at 10:57.
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