BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Bangalore
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| Re: Bad Drivers - How do you spot 'em I learnt driving from my dad and one of his golden pieces of advice which I always remember was – drive as if everyone else on the road is an idiot. Now, after haven driven for over a decade and a few lacs of kilometers under my belt, I truly understand the depth of this ‘gyan’. However, I have also gained enough experience to put a pecking order for these idiots. What I now pen down, is true for city commutes only, highway experiences will be shared later.
In the city, for me, a few vehicle categories stand out and are by default dangerous and to be avoided unless proven otherwise. These include – Tempo Travelers. These reckless bunch are the thugs on the roads. They will tailgate you, push you around, and with complete lack of empathy, drive as if they own the road. If you honk at them, or even have eye contact after a close duel, be sure to get some explicits and hand gestures coming your way. They are third on my list.
Then there are the Small Commercial Goods vehicles like the Tata Ace, Ashok Leyland Dost, etc. This class of vehicles has a narrow, yet quite tall body, tiny wheels, and a whole lot of attitude. They are driven in either of the two ways – one when they are overloaded, are spewing more smoke than the NTPC’s Singrauli plant does in a day and are barely managing to do 25kmph on an empty stretch OR two – when they are empty and are blazing up and down the streets are breakneck speeds, challenging the very Gods of Center of Gravity. These are a special threat early morning, when the roads are empty, and they have umpteen number of deliveries to complete – so these morons feature second on my list.
Before I move to the top of the list, I do have an honorable mention, and these are the two-wheelers. Not all, but most of them are in a hurry that cannot be defined. They are the ‘weavers’ of the city.
And now, the top spot goes to – if you haven’t guessed it yet – the autorickshaws. Oh, what a lovely creation these Autos are. I have observed them my entire life and am really intrigued by them. In fact, I believe there are many avatars of the beloved Auto. Here is my collection: The Raider – Have you ever noticed that when an Auto is behind you, it seems to be having a thrust engine installed? In this avatar, they suddenly appear in your IRVM. They weren’t there a second a go and now they are almost kissing your rear bumper, tailgating you. The next moment, they are no longer in your IRVM but in your ORVM, driving half a lane outside looking for an opportunity to overtake you in a small, narrow street. They are driven extremely fast and recklessly. At times, you can see a series of strangely blinking LED lights on the raider and some even have an excuse for a horn, which if you listen to for too long, you can end up in an asylum. The only way to save yourself from the raid is to gently lift off the throttle, the raider takes this opportunity to complete an impossible overtake, his ego wins, your car has no scratches and before you know it, the raid is over. Soon they disappear to find the next victim, to ‘raid’. The Snail – Now the name is a giveaway but still, let me explain. The Snail is the opposite of the Raider. When they are behind your vehicle, they seem to have all the speed, all the power to conquer the road. But the snail in front of your car, seems to have nothing at all. Maybe no will to live either. Empty road, driving right in the middle of the lane, leaving no room to overtake, the snail moves ahead at 25kmph. A long queue of vehicles forms behind the snail and due to the narrow road and a consistent flow of traffic from the opposite direction. However, the snail has a skin as thick as plank. You may honk, try overtaking or anything else under the sun but the snail does, what the snail wants. When the ordeal ends, you feel you have just come out of the worm hole, into a parallel universe seeing the empty road ahead. The Snail Stopper – This avatar is even more dangerous and one possible way of ending your above faced ordeal, albeit a scary end. As the snail meanders along the road, it may, for some reason, with or without a justification or show of intent, stop in the middle of the road. You have been following the snail for some distance and have gotten used to its 25kmph top speed and maybe caught off guard. Be aware, be very aware that the snail can stop without provocation and you may end up rear ending it. Therefore, it is wise to maintain a safe distance from the snail while trying to overtake it and avoid rear ending it. Greater problem to solve than Schrodinger’s Cat? Maybe, but then this avatar has been created to trouble, not to please you. The Dime Turner – This avatar begins its journey when an Auto is stationary on the side of the road and you have entered its personal space to drive along the usual path. Sensing that you are now close enough, the Dime Turner will make a U-turn, to suddenly start going in the opposite direction. You will have a few options – brake, honk or pray to the Gods but the Dime Turner has no option. Once he has decided to make the U-turn, he cannot stop himself. Reminds me of a famous Bollywood dialogue along the lines of – ek baar jo maine commitment kardi (once I have committed…). The Dime Turner defies physics and logic, but seldom do they know it. They are destined to become a Raider, or a Snail and it is you, yes you, who is in their path. So, thread carefully. The Kite – The Kite flies against the wind, not with it. Remember this? The avatar of an Auto as a Kite does the same thing. They go against the ordained traffic flow. Be it a one way or driving in the wrong lane. The Kite owns the road. You may not agree with that and protest with a few honks but hey mere mortal, dare you challenge the Kite. You will eventually end up being shoved into your small space of self-pity, so why do you want to object and tell the Kite its wrong, for it isn’t. This avatar is just following Churchill’s golden words of motivation. In fact, the Kite is usually an addendum to the Raider avatar and together they can wreak havoc. My advice – steer clear. The Contortionist – You are stuck in choc-a-bloc traffic. The usual 2 lane a side road is already seeing 3 queues of vehicles – talk about us being efficient. However, the two-wheelers still see ‘a lot’ of space there and weave through these confines, because they can. The Contortionist believes that though they are wider than the two-wheeler, they can still fit the gap. And hence, they move ahead. Your heart races as you see them in your ORVM, inching closer in the deadlock. To add to the terror already running through your veins, the Contortionist has add-on feature. A wrought iron bar colored in nauseating yellow color running over each of their wheel arches. If this bar comes in contact with your beloved car, it won’t leave a scar, it will leave a tear. You panic, try to give wiggle room to the Contortionist and they can sense the fear, every inch you move away, they demand two more inches of space. Soon, they have crossed your car and moved ahead. Your pulse is racing but your car is still stationary. The Twins – If your car ever breaks down, you have a few options. Try jump starting it, get a mechanic to check or have it towed. But not the Auto. They have an unimaginable solution. Two distinct, unrelated Autos have the capability to simultaneously become twins. The Auto which has broken down gets help from his ‘brother’ who is extremely considerate and extends a leg to help (we mortals only know about extending a hand to help). Together, they form the avatar of the Twins. Literally pushing the stricken Auto to unimaginable distances, the brother is the savior. However, if you get stuck driving behind the Twins, you are in for a treat. They occupy more lane width than usual, drive slower than usual and have twice the manpower so never should you think about engaging with them. Just let go, accept your fate and be stuck else, you will need towing and remember, you don’t have a brother on the road willing to extend a leg to help.
Additionally, they have a few superpowers:
-have 3 wheels
-drive into space where 2-wheelers go
-drive at speeds of 4-wheelers
-carry as many people as 7-seaters
To summarize, I believe every Auto on the road is a Bad Driver and I have to ensure I can keep my car safe from them. |