The Official Joke thread

DCEite · 19th April 2007, 22:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkdas

i will take vikram's car for teh drive to nandi

Makes me recall this thread:
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...n-friends.html

sreenivass · 19th April 2007, 22:36

People seem to have missed another cricket joke

SEHWAG's SON: Mummy mummy !! dekho papa six pe six mar rahe hain

SEHWAG's WIFE: Beta theek se dekho, advertisement hoga

Rehaan · 19th April 2007, 23:06

Hahahaha....thats a good one sreenivvass....

Heres a funny blog post-
I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God. - The Humor Archives - funny jokes, pictures, cartoons and movies

cya
R

vivekiny2k · 20th April 2007, 00:14

trust me,
selecting the wrong address from auto-complete was an honest mistake.

condor · 20th April 2007, 11:32

Vivek, nice long drive that.

Would you have a (more) readable screen shot of that?

DRC · 20th April 2007, 12:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivekiny2k

trust me,
selecting the wrong address from auto-complete was an honest mistake.

Driving directions are hilarious.. Swim across Atlantic

On a serious note, using auto complete costed many lives in this incident.
American Airlines Flight 965 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Saw this in NGC aircrash investigations

sreenivass · 20th April 2007, 20:57

5572 KMs, impressive. What does it think of you, a battle ship or a submarine. Thats the funniest one.

vivekiny2k · 20th April 2007, 21:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

Vivek, nice long drive that.

Would you have a (more) readable screen shot of that?

get direction from "9632" to "detroit, MI" on google maps.

I took the full size and uploaded. I guess if you click the pic to make it full size, it will help.

theMAG · 20th April 2007, 23:41

Sanath - Swings At Nearly Anything That's Hurled

Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately

Sohail - Swore Once, Heralding An Infamous Loss

Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered

Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result

Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately

Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul

Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed

Chetan - Cantering Hurriedly, Ends-up Throwing Another No-ball

Qadir - Quirky And Dancing In Run-up

Miandad - Made India A Nation, Devastated And Demoralised

Botham - Brings Out The Hash After Meals

Lara - Loutish Although Really Amazing

Gatting - God Almighty,that Tweaker Is Never Going

Garner - Giant Arms Really Necessitate Extreme Reactions

Border - Boisterous Old Rabbit Downed Enviable Records

Kalu - Keeping And Lashing Unendingly

Donald - Don't Overdo, Nearly Another Ligament Damaged

Rhodes - Rather Hyperactive Oddball Defies Expected Standards

Lillee - Loves Injuring Lily Livered Earnest Englishmen

Crowe - Can Really Overdo Whacking Everything

Nash - Narcotics Aren't So Hot

binz · 21st April 2007, 22:52

Funny vids combined

YouTube - Funny videos combined

=

jkdas · 23rd April 2007, 13:11

Steeroid · 23rd April 2007, 20:15

Q: Why do they call it 'PMS' ?

A: Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

theMAG · 23rd April 2007, 22:48

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:

First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus:
This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Maneka Gandhi Virus:
This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
written by vegetarians or animals.

L.K. Advani Virus:
This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

Phoolan Devi Virus:
This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page
faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s
birthday.

Deve Gowda Virus:
The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all
the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request
for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are
available or not.

Jayalalitha Virus:
This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus
family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus
blames the user for the whole chaos.

I.K.Gujral Virus:
Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the
approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses
blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not
execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,
this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all
major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the
replies.

Veerappan virus:
This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and
releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but
suddenly reappears.

Laloo Yadav virus:
A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the
data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename
its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus
takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

Mulayam Virus:
Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only
task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by
sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus:
Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can
detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people
use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

elf · 24th April 2007, 02:46

Steeroid, that was truly priceless!

Not gonna earn you too many brownie points with the fairer sex or half the members on this forum, but truly priceless.

elf · 24th April 2007, 02:59

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

20th April 2007, 20:57	#1882
sreenivass BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bangalore India Posts: 931 Thanked: 44 Times View My Garage	Oops 5572 KMs, impressive. What does it think of you, a battle ship or a submarine. Thats the funniest one.

20th April 2007, 23:41	#1884
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,196 Thanked: 1,821 Times View My Garage	Cricketers names and their acronyms Sanath - Swings At Nearly Anything That's Hurled Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately Sohail - Swore Once, Heralding An Infamous Loss Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed Chetan - Cantering Hurriedly, Ends-up Throwing Another No-ball Qadir - Quirky And Dancing In Run-up Miandad - Made India A Nation, Devastated And Demoralised Botham - Brings Out The Hash After Meals Lara - Loutish Although Really Amazing Gatting - God Almighty,that Tweaker Is Never Going Garner - Giant Arms Really Necessitate Extreme Reactions Border - Boisterous Old Rabbit Downed Enviable Records Kalu - Keeping And Lashing Unendingly Donald - Don't Overdo, Nearly Another Ligament Damaged Rhodes - Rather Hyperactive Oddball Defies Expected Standards Lillee - Loves Injuring Lily Livered Earnest Englishmen Crowe - Can Really Overdo Whacking Everything Nash - Narcotics Aren't So Hot

23rd April 2007, 22:48	#1888
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,196 Thanked: 1,821 Times View My Garage	Political Viruses P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus: First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing. V.P. Singh Virus: This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions. This virus is also known as social justice virus. Maneka Gandhi Virus: This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were written by vegetarians or animals. L.K. Advani Virus: This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times. Phoolan Devi Virus: This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s birthday. Deve Gowda Virus: The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are available or not. Jayalalitha Virus: This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus blames the user for the whole chaos. I.K.Gujral Virus: Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always, this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the replies. Veerappan virus: This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but suddenly reappears. Laloo Yadav virus: A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning. Mulayam Virus: Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware units. Sonia Gandhi Virus: Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

24th April 2007, 02:59	#1890
elf BANNED Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,035 Thanked: 16 Times View My Garage	Chablis, she said... Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay." Last edited by elf : 24th April 2007 at 03:04.

19th April 2007, 22:36	#1877
sreenivass BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bangalore India Posts: 931 Thanked: 44 Times View My Garage	People seem to have missed another cricket joke SEHWAG's SON: Mummy mummy !! dekho papa six pe six mar rahe hain SEHWAG's WIFE: Beta theek se dekho, advertisement hoga

19th April 2007, 23:06	#1878
Rehaan Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bombay Posts: 24,212 Thanked: 36,106 Times	Hahahaha....thats a good one sreenivvass.... Heres a funny blog post- I've passed the bar, and I'm on a mission from God. - The Humor Archives - funny jokes, pictures, cartoons and movies cya R

20th April 2007, 00:14	#1879
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	trust me, selecting the wrong address from auto-complete was an honest mistake.

20th April 2007, 11:32	#1880
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,240 Thanked: 16,891 Times View My Garage	Vivek, nice long drive that. Would you have a (more) readable screen shot of that?

23rd April 2007, 13:11	#1886
jkdas Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Thiruvananthapu Posts: 9,687 Thanked: 1,497 Times View My Garage

23rd April 2007, 20:15	#1887
Steeroid Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: N.A Posts: 7,026 Thanked: 2,757 Times	Q: Why do they call it 'PMS' ? A: Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

24th April 2007, 02:46	#1889
elf BANNED Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,035 Thanked: 16 Times View My Garage	Steeroid, that was truly priceless! Not gonna earn you too many brownie points with the fairer sex or half the members on this forum, but truly priceless.