A junior manager, senior manager & the boss were walking together to the company canteen for the lunch. At the entrance they found a wonder lamp & secretly rubbed it aside.
A ghost appeared & said " usually i grant 3 wishes to a person & since you 3 are here together, i will grant one wish each".
Hurrily the junior shouted " I want to be the first one & want to be in Bahamas with a speed boat & without any worries". pufffffff gone to bahamas!
Next the eager senior manager shouted " I want to be in Florida surrounded by many girls & lots of food & booze". pufffffff gone to Florida!
Now the boss calmly asked " I want those 2 idiots to be in my office by the time i finish my lunch & presume my work".
Morals of the joke: " Always allow the Boss to speak first" " Boss is always Boss"
Here's one joke that I really LOL when I read it for the first time (and still)
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a Coke.". "No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.
The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.
The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples ...this hatred...your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in your Coke?"
Note really a joke, but something serious which i do very regularly,
The Beer Prayer Our lager Which art in barrels Hollowed be thy drink I will be drunk At home as in the tavern Give us this day our foamy head And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever, Barmen
OUR NEW SECRETARY'S RESUME
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.
I'm lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a
job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway... "Ahh, that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!