[2L8uLoose]

How do you differentiate between a Cow and a Bull...
Try milking them both....
The one that smiles....
Is the Bull

[revtech]

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this
announcement from the captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to
all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this
situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's
next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared
for such an emergency and we would now like you to
rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers
are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this
announcement all the passengers rearranged their
seating to comply with the captain's request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in
the ocean. The captain once again made an
announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane,
open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from
the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of
plane... -Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ".


Rev

[revtech]

British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my
crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways
flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet
midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side
of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on
fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you
will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will
see a little yellow life raft with three people in it
waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot,
and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded
message."


Rev

[revtech]

Delta Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for
the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the
voice on the public address system saying, "We
apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight
570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over
to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us
that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate
35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and
returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address
voice spoke " Thank you for participating in Delta's
physical fitness program."



rev

[vipulG]

Indian Airlines

Once I was flying with Indian Airlines, as it was a morning flight, they served breakfast. When the air hostess came to my seat , I asked her " Waht are my choices?" she smiled and said "Well, you have two choices-- YES or NO'

[Sara]

Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready? GO!!!

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

..
..


Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

..
..


Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?




Scroll down for answer.




Did you get 5000?




The correct answer is actually 4100.




Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

[manu]

whoa!
good one anoops!

[ntomer]

Originally Posted by Sara

Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready? GO!!!

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

..
..


Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

..
..


Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?




Scroll down for answer.




Did you get 5000?




The correct answer is actually 4100.




Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

hey sara,

i got all them right..... does that maketh me a genius ;-)

\N

[Sara]

hi ntomer - Looks like u've already read this fwd msg some where else...anyway gud man.

[revtech]

Three women are out shopping at an antique shop. They stumble upon an unusual lamp. A voice heard from a genie within the lamp begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

Now one of the women just doesn't believe it, and says: "Ok, if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q." The genie says: "Done." Suddenly, the woman starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight.

The second woman is so amazed she says to the genie : "Triple my I.Q." The genie says: "Done." The woman starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last woman is so enthralled with the changes in her friends, that she says to the genie: "Quintiple my I.Q." The genie looks at her and says: "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider." The woman says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free." "Please," says the genie "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe...won't you ask for something else...a million dollars, anything?" But no matter what the genie said, the woman insisted on having her I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power. So the genie sighed and said: "Done."

And she became a man.


Rev

p.s no offence to the ladies on this forum.

[dadudeonfire]

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper.

'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked miser Santa Singh.

'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely.

'Fine,' said Santa Singh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.'

'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly.

'That's it.'

'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'

'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Santa. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'

[dadudeonfire]

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said: 'If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:
1. Each morning , fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.
5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don't discuss your problems with him.
7. And most importantly, make love to him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.'

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. 'You're going to die' she replied.

[dadudeonfire]

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. 'Where are you going?' he asked.

'To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!'

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.

'What do you think you are doing?' she screamed.

'Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!'

[dadudeonfire]

A woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.

She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.

'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.

'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.

'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.

'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.

'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.

'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.

'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.

'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'

[dadudeonfire]

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.

Man: 'What are you doing here today?'

Woman: 'Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me Rs. 200 for it.'

Man: 'Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me Rs. 1000.'

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.

Man: 'Hi there! Here to donate blood again?'

Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) 'Unh unh.'