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Old 15th April 2012, 23:04   #7036
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

INSTALLING HUSBAND!!!

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
____
Reply frm Co -

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
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Old 17th April 2012, 09:43   #7037
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Man rushing home very excited - "Honey, pack your bags, I have just won the lottery!"

Wife, even more excited - "Wow, that's wonderful! Shall I pack for the mountains or for the beach?"

"I don't care, just get the hell out of here"
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Old 17th April 2012, 10:40   #7038
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by PPS View Post
INSTALLING HUSBAND!!!

...

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
love the operating system part!!

is there an upgrade available for the OS?
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Old 17th April 2012, 10:56   #7039
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

The Police caught this Thief and asked: Why Did you Go To Steal 3 Times In The Same Store?

The Thief Replied: Sir, I Stole One Dress for My Wife & I Only Went Back To Change It Twice..!!!

Women you know!!

Mod Note: Agreed it's the Jokes thread but please avoid using SMS/slang language and take the time to type every word completely and keep your posts universally comprehensible. Thanks!

Last edited by GTO : 18th April 2012 at 12:09. Reason: Please refer mod note in post
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Old 17th April 2012, 11:13   #7040
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Found it in an email forward. . .hope it's not a repeat post!!
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Old 18th April 2012, 12:31   #7041
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Yeah, even I have wondered why Gillette just doesn't make all of them as sturdy as the last one in the pack!!

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Old 18th April 2012, 19:04   #7042
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread



The Official Joke thread-untitled.png
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Old 19th April 2012, 12:57   #7043
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

The text of this post, in this thread, could simply have read "The Times of India", but I thought I will let the picture do the talking.

The Official Joke thread-photo-7.jpg

Last edited by ssh1979 : 19th April 2012 at 13:00.
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Old 19th April 2012, 16:42   #7044
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This, from a spam arrest verification I received:
Nice touch on the african widows and anatomy!

Hi. Thanks for reaching out to me.

If you're a real person, click the link below and you'll be allowed to e-mail me.

But before you do, please note that I no longer assist widows in embezzling funds from African countries, I don't care what Britney, Paris, or Lindsay is up to, I'm quite satisfied with both my anatomy and my performance, and I don't need any more designer watches, stock tips, copies of Microsoft Office Enterprise (OEM Edition), or lottery millions.

The only thing I need is a decent cup of coffee, compelling evidence that politicians and CEOs will occasionally do the right thing, and more time with my wife and kids
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Old 20th April 2012, 19:18   #7045
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh1979 View Post
The text of this post, in this thread, could simply have read "The Times of India", but I thought I will let the picture do the talking.
I guess TOI is having the last laugh with many banks lowering the interest rates.



Wonder how it got there
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Old 21st April 2012, 11:00   #7046
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Source: Facebook **********************
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Old 21st April 2012, 11:55   #7047
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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says,
"A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please."
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the mansays, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man,
"several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right..
Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks,
"What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs,
pauses and answers,
"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
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Old 23rd April 2012, 15:44   #7048
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Smile Re: The Official Joke thread

This should stir things up a bit

The Official Joke thread-dipper.jpg
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Old 23rd April 2012, 16:50   #7049
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

And that's how TOI got trolled!

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Old 24th April 2012, 12:27   #7050
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Dr. : Sorry the test reports got mixed, now I am not sure if you wife has Asthama or AIDS.
Husband : Now what should I do?
Dr. : Send her for jogging and if she comes back, You know what you should not do
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