The Official Joke thread

n_aditya · 27th March 2008, 19:34

Mod's please delete this if offensive or unsuitable to this forum (and excuse).

Q. What are the tiny dots around the nipple for?
A. Its braille for "Suck Here".

Q. Why did the mallu go to Italy?
A. He likes Pope music.

Q. Why does the mallu find coke offensive?
A. Because its an organ (cock).

humyum · 27th March 2008, 23:54

If there was a road race organised in tamil nadu it would start like
READY......STEADY......PO...

maddy42 · 28th March 2008, 14:22

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks,

'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing nearby.

He asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but I think my wife did!'

bblost · 28th March 2008, 14:34

In reply to question in post #23
Leprechaun

Leprechaun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and OT a nice joke on them
The Golfer and the Leprechaun
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can''t take anything from you, I''m just glad I didn''t hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I''ll give him the three things that I would want. I''ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great love life."
Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I''m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It''s great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?" The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, I have a date maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week?!"
The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, "Well, that''s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

MODS: if wrong to post, please delete this post.

Moderator's note: Moved to proper thread

shailu · 28th March 2008, 15:08

Friendship between Women:A women didn't come home one night.The next day she told her husband that she slept over a friend's house.The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship betweet Men:A man didn't come home one night.The next day he told his wife that he slept over a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

shailu · 28th March 2008, 15:18

Thought 1...

When we are born, our mothers get the compliment's and the flowers.
When we are married, our bride get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from???

Thought 2...

The average man's life consist of:

Twenty years of his mother asking him where he is going,
forty years of his wife asking the same question,
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

RajaTaurus · 28th March 2008, 15:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by humyum

If there was a road race organised in tamil nadu it would start like
READY......STEADY......PO...

Its READY...... PIDI..... PO....

Xehaust · 28th March 2008, 15:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by shailu

Friendship between Women:A women didn't come home one night.The next day she told her husband that she slept over a friend's house.The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship betweet Men:A man didn't come home one night.The next day he told his wife that he slept over a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

One of the best ive read and so true

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 28th March 2008, 20:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xehaust

One of the best ive read and so true

So, what was it? Wife enquired about you?

theMAG · 28th March 2008, 23:12

You can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves

A dude stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough."
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."
"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

Xehaust · 29th March 2008, 00:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaCkSeAtDrIVeR

So, what was it? Wife enquired about you?

haha, nope. Perhaps when im married

But what i meant was the point of the joke is so true, not the joke itself.

That's the difference between the thinking of a single & a married man

hehe

ramie2400 · 29th March 2008, 12:17

Practicality at its best...

clevermax · 29th March 2008, 12:38

Don't drink when you drive. You might hit a bump and spill it all over.

clevermax · 29th March 2008, 12:46

Have you heard about the new insecticide that, while it doesn't actually kill flies, makes them so sxey that you can swat them two at a time?

maddy42 · 31st March 2008, 13:01

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife
hit him
round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied
"That
was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it
that I
found in your pants pocket".

The man said "When I was at the races last week,
Jenny was
the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his
wife bashes
him on the head with an even bigger frying pan,
knocking him
unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she
had hit
again.

"Your horse called up"

27th March 2008, 19:34	#2641
n_aditya Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Namma Bengaluru Posts: 5,348 Thanked: 3,684 Times View My Garage	Mod's please delete this if offensive or unsuitable to this forum (and excuse). Q. What are the tiny dots around the nipple for? A. Its braille for "Suck Here". Q. Why did the mallu go to Italy? A. He likes Pope music. Q. Why does the mallu find coke offensive? A. Because its an organ (cock). Last edited by n_aditya : 27th March 2008 at 19:36.

28th March 2008, 14:34	#2644
bblost Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 11,008 Thanked: 15,352 Times View My Garage	In reply to question in post #23 Leprechaun Leprechaun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia and OT a nice joke on them The Golfer and the Leprechaun One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says, "I can''t take anything from you, I''m just glad I didn''t hurt you too badly," and walks away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I''ll give him the three things that I would want. I''ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great love life." Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The leprechaun says, "I''m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?" The golfer says, "It''s great! I hit under par every time." The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?" The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note." The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?" The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?" The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note." The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?" The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, I have a date maybe once or twice a week." The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week?!" The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, "Well, that''s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." MODS: if wrong to post, please delete this post. Moderator's note: Moved to proper thread Last edited by theMAG : 28th March 2008 at 16:20. Reason: added

28th March 2008, 15:08	#2645
shailu BHPian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: coimbatore Posts: 123 Thanked: 21 Times	Why men have better friends? Friendship between Women:A women didn't come home one night.The next day she told her husband that she slept over a friend's house.The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship betweet Men:A man didn't come home one night.The next day he told his wife that he slept over a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

28th March 2008, 15:18	#2646
shailu BHPian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: coimbatore Posts: 123 Thanked: 21 Times	Thought from a man's Heart :) Thought 1... When we are born, our mothers get the compliment's and the flowers. When we are married, our bride get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from??? Thought 2... The average man's life consist of: Twenty years of his mother asking him where he is going, forty years of his wife asking the same question, and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

29th March 2008, 12:17	#2652
ramie2400 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,903 Thanked: 66 Times View My Garage	Practicality at its best... Attached Thumbnails

27th March 2008, 23:54	#2642
humyum Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 2,752 Thanked: 5,427 Times	If there was a road race organised in tamil nadu it would start like READY......STEADY......PO...

28th March 2008, 14:22	#2643
maddy42 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Coorg Posts: 2,131 Thanked: 1,328 Times View My Garage	A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.' The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing nearby. He asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but I think my wife did!'

28th March 2008, 23:12	#2650
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,217 Thanked: 1,807 Times View My Garage	You can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves A dude stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves." The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?" "Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough." "And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too." "And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

29th March 2008, 12:38	#2653
clevermax Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Tvm/Amsterdam Posts: 2,086 Thanked: 2,640 Times View My Garage	Don't drink when you drive. You might hit a bump and spill it all over. Last edited by clevermax : 29th March 2008 at 12:39. Reason: Removed signature

29th March 2008, 12:46	#2654
clevermax Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Tvm/Amsterdam Posts: 2,086 Thanked: 2,640 Times View My Garage	Have you heard about the new insecticide that, while it doesn't actually kill flies, makes them so sxey that you can swat them two at a time?

31st March 2008, 13:01	#2655
maddy42 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Coorg Posts: 2,131 Thanked: 1,328 Times View My Garage	A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. "Your horse called up"