The Official Joke thread

Sam Kapasi · 4th May 2008, 02:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTA

can someone please give me a good Resizer??

What do you want to resize my friend? lol

Rehaan · 4th May 2008, 02:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTA

Also can someone please give me a good Resizer??

If you want to resize images :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/announ...tml#post784935

...if something else, then Sam might be able to help.

cya
R

rsjaurr · 5th May 2008, 09:35

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two, you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going for a p."
The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
The teacher fainted ...
------------------

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha
hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
-----------------

In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet.
She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.

-----------------
Pappu sees his parents having s**.
Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon.
Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.

----------------

Santa: Oye Banta don't marry that girl, she is like a TAXI.
Banta: Choti si to city hai yaar... kitni chali hogi?

rsjaurr · 5th May 2008, 09:38

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed

was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an

envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the

envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to

elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene

with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I

knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos,

her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the

woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really

hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with

The other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,

so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your

many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than

the school report that's on my desk.

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

rsjaurr · 5th May 2008, 09:45

Once upon a time ther lived a king
The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess!
But there was a problem

Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed. The next
day, he held a
competition. Any man that could
bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would
marry her and
inherit the king's wealth. Three
young princes took
up the challenge. The first prince
brought a
very
hard alloy of titanium. But alas,
once the princess
touched it, it melted. The prince
went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge
diamond, thinking that
diamond is the hardest substance in
the world and surely,
it would not melt. But alas, once
the princess touched it,
it melted. He too was sent away
disappointed.

The third prince approached. He
told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and
feel what is in
there." The princess did as she was
told, though she
turned red. She felt something
hard. She held it in
her hand. And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

But The Question Is :
What was the object in the prince's pocket ?

( scroll down )

They were Britannia Little Hearts of course! HAHAHA HA HE HE HE ,,
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

nishantgandhi · 5th May 2008, 12:38

The latest invention - A Man Remote Controller

ntomer · 5th May 2008, 18:14

Rediff discussion boards are the greatest nonsense magnets. Here is a sample of a typical discussion. Note that the discussion has absoultely nothing to do with original topic -

R Power to issue bonus shares on June 2

Mission_Safari · 6th May 2008, 19:32

From a mail forward.

sammyboy · 7th May 2008, 11:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by rsjaurr

They were Britannia Little Hearts of course! HAHAHA HA HE HE HE ,,
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

ummm well thats m&m

(not mahindra but the chocolate)

Xehaust · 7th May 2008, 17:08

The snake hanging is too funny

makes me laugh out loud everytime i see it

Quote:

diabloo · 7th May 2008, 23:37

"Test cricket is the ultimate test for any cricketer and if a player can do well in that format, then he can do well in all other formats, be it one-day matches or Twenty20."
-Rahul Dravid (Captain, Royal Challengers Sports Private Limited, Bangalore)

(no wonder he packed his T20 side with Test players and now languishing at the bottom of the table in IPL T20 tournament

)

tsk1979 · 8th May 2008, 00:28

They took their team name seriously and drink RC before every match.. Thats the problem.

Nitin · 8th May 2008, 00:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by tsk1979

They took their team name seriously and drink RC before every match.. Thats the problem.

They probably need a peg before & after a game. Before-so that they'd not realize how bad a beating they take from the opposition; After- some things need to be forgotten..nothing to beat the after effects of alcohol with the short term memory loss.

sammyboy · 8th May 2008, 14:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitin

They probably need a peg before & after a game. Before-so that they'd not realize how bad a beating they take from the opposition; After- some things need to be forgotten..nothing to beat the after effects of alcohol with the short term memory loss.

The way they have been playing, I am not too sure if they would mind permanent memory loss either

I am sure they are pickled in RC by the amount of losses they have managed

maddy42 · 8th May 2008, 14:35

Well rahul dravid is giving oppourtunity to the downtrodden...lol No wonder he took a young player like sunil joshi to his side!!! I last remember him playin in the indian side in 98 against SA

5th May 2008, 09:35	#2778
rsjaurr BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Batala Posts: 777 Thanked: 28 Times	Few Jokes During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two, you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?" Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going for a p." The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part." Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute." The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant." And Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. " The teacher fainted ... ------------------ Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga. Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai. Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai. ----------------- In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao. Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao. ----------------- Pappu sees his parents having s*. Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho? Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon. Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain. ---------------- Santa: Oye Banta don't marry that girl, she is like a TAXI. Banta: Choti si to city hai yaar... kitni chali hogi? Last edited by rsjaurr : 5th May 2008 at 09:41.*

5th May 2008, 12:38	#2781
nishantgandhi Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,223 Thanked: 156 Times	Remote control for men The latest invention - A Man Remote Controller Attached Thumbnails

6th May 2008, 19:32	#2783
Mission_Safari BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chennai Posts: 449 Thanked: 8 Times	From a mail forward. Attached Thumbnails Attached Images

5th May 2008, 09:38	#2779
rsjaurr BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Batala Posts: 777 Thanked: 28 Times	A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. "Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with The other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

5th May 2008, 09:45	#2780
rsjaurr BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Batala Posts: 777 Thanked: 28 Times	Once upon a time ther lived a king The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess! But there was a problem Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely, it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. But The Question Is : What was the object in the prince's pocket ? ( scroll down ) They were Britannia Little Hearts of course! HAHAHA HA HE HE HE ,, They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

5th May 2008, 18:14	#2782
ntomer BHPian Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Vancouver Posts: 647 Thanked: 144 Times	Rediff discussion boards are the greatest nonsense magnets. Here is a sample of a typical discussion. Note that the discussion has absoultely nothing to do with original topic - R Power to issue bonus shares on June 2

7th May 2008, 23:37	#2786
diabloo BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Bengalooru Posts: 1,480 Thanked: 17 Times	"Test cricket is the ultimate test for any cricketer and if a player can do well in that format, then he can do well in all other formats, be it one-day matches or Twenty20." -Rahul Dravid (Captain, Royal Challengers Sports Private Limited, Bangalore) (no wonder he packed his T20 side with Test players and now languishing at the bottom of the table in IPL T20 tournament )

8th May 2008, 00:28	#2787
tsk1979 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: San Jose, CA Posts: 23,688 Thanked: 23,494 Times View My Garage	They took their team name seriously and drink RC before every match.. Thats the problem.

8th May 2008, 14:35	#2790
maddy42 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Coorg Posts: 2,193 Thanked: 1,674 Times View My Garage	Well rahul dravid is giving oppourtunity to the downtrodden...lol No wonder he took a young player like sunil joshi to his side!!! I last remember him playin in the indian side in 98 against SA