[heavy_foot]

A real advertisment posting

17 " CRT color monitor '

I have an old 17" mammoth CRT monitor - Japanese make ('Eizo' or something). -It's NOT in working condition. I checked with a technician and he told me that he needs an IC or something that's hard to find in order to fix it, and it may not be economical to go for it. Anyway, I need to get rid of it now. I have no idea what you would want to do with it. But I thought about it and decided even though I don't need it maybe there's someone who could use it.

for example:
1. If you're making a movie or a play and there's a scene where someone has to smash a computer monitor in it. Since this is literally GIGANTIC (trust me, you wouldn't have seen a bigger 17" monitor), the effect would be awesome! (I would recommend a baseball bat for this and advise you to have necessary protection -helmet, etc., but even a cricket bat or hockey stick alone should do if you're adventurous and can put a little heart into it)
2. Maybe you just want to make a video of yourself smashing it and put it on Youtube.
3. you just want to keep this with you just in case when you're really, really pissed off at life, and want to do something really nasty you can use this to vent your anger and frustration. (Imagine the monitor is YOU -or whoever it is that you hate most- and start smashing it till you've broken it down to every single last molecule.)
4. Maybe you're just hate everything Japanese and would appreciate any chance to destroy anything made in Japan.
5. Maybe you love everything made in Japan and can't stand the thought of a bad thing happening to something japanese and save it from its natural fate(steps 1 to 3).
6. you could, i guess, use it as a weird kind of chair, if you put 3 bricks under it. But attempts in this regard, i'm afraid, will only end up convincing you that this item is more suitable for the first 3 steps.
7. Maybe you're an electronics enthusiast (engineering/polytechnic student) and would like to open it up and see what's inside (maybe try to reverse engineer it?)

Conditions.
I do not have a bill/manual for the item. I disown all responsibility for any damage occurred to anyone/anything from how you use the item. If you're purchasing the item for the purposes listed here under #5 or #7(what I call unimaginative uses), no bargaining is allowed; for all other purposes you can avail a discounted price of R799.95. A purchase under purpose #5 will cost you a fee of R100, because obviously you're rich and can afford it. Hurry, because there are lots of frustrated folks out there but I only have just one of this to give away. If I can't get rid of it before April 20, I myself might have to resort to #2.

[Xehaust]

Hahahaha Heavy foot. What a find. This is door to door marketing at it's best
Imagine this person is a salesman going door to door. haahahaaha

[nishantgandhi]

Got this in email today. Old but enjoyable.

[nishantgandhi]

Some recent pics that I got in an email forward

[Steeroid]

And I got this by email today:

RETIREMENT PLANNING

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum and glass recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.

Cheers!

[PAVAN KADAM]

Back seat driver,

That was a good one, i loved it since i belong to the same field.

Here's one more to add.


Barclays method:

Hire a lion, pay him a Tigers salary. Ask him to behave like a Mouse,Ask the lion to work like a donkey, show the carrot and pay him bananas, make a monkey out of him, and the lion will die of split personality dis order.

[n_aditya]

Originally Posted by Xehaust

Imagine this person is a salesman going door to door. haahahaaha

And imagine he being asked for a free demo on point #2.

Pavan kadam, that was hilarious. ROFL.

[chaxy]

Originally Posted by akash_m

TATA Motors Price List

• NANO: Rs 1 Lakh
• Jaguar: Rs 1 Crore
• ----
• ---
• --
• -

The price list is now updated.....

Buy a Jaguar and get a Nano FREE !!

[Mission_Safari]

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the
second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

[Xehaust]

Chaxy, thats brilliant.
Tata should actually adopt this

Buy a Jag & get Nano free.
The Jag is his daily car & the nano would be used by the indian buyer to run errands like get vegetables and the like or if he is a car enthusiast and feels like it, modify it as a weekend project.

Here are a few project details from his weekend project:
Cost of car used: 1 lakh
Cost of turbo: 1.2 lakh
New rims and rubber: OZ rims - 40,000/- , Yokohama rubber - 20,000
Paint job - 10,000
xenons - 20,000
air filter,ffe and performance spark plugs - 20,000

TOTAL COST ON PROJECT - 3.3 Lakhs
Car - 1 lakh
Mods - 2.3 lakh

Here is an image what it can look like:
(Made by Ramie 2400 in the thread "Pimp My Nano"


Looks pretty cool according to me. Turbo it and you have one hell of a daily ride. And very very affordable too!

[ramki067]

Wife to her husband: janu meri blouse utaro..

AB aisa karo mera ghaghra bhi utaro.

Aur khabardar Jo aaj k baad mere kapde pehne to



~~~~~~~~~



Old Man-"putar ander se mere daant Le AA"

Pota-"par dada ji abhi roti to bani nahi"

Budda-- "o nahi putar roti nahi khani samne wali buddi nu smile deni a "



~~~~~~~~~



Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lein gey,

Mom : lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai,

Child: Papa to kahte hain k sari phul-jhadiyan yahi rahti hain.



~~~~~~~~~



Ek ladke ko kya chahiye?

Ek ladki Jo pyar de,
Ek ladki Jo acha khana banaye,
Ek ladki Jo us ki khob khidmat kare,

Aur ye teeno larkiyan mil jul kar rahain.

[Nikhilb2008]

A Message from John Cleese, British comedian to the citizens of the United States of America.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary

1. Then look up aluminium and nuclear, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing them.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)… roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). In the meantime don't try rugby – the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game that is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes, plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!

[condor]

@nikhil, pls check this msg, posted about two years back:

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/262916-post1370.html

[typeOnegative]

I think the biggest joke in this thread is people reprimanding each other on repeat posting.

P.S. No offence (US) / offense (UK)

[Nikhilb2008]

Originally Posted by condor

@nikhil, pls check this msg, posted about two years back:

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/262916-post1370.html

Originally Posted by typeOnegative

I think the biggest joke in this thread is people reprimanding each other on repeat posting.

P.S. No offence (US) / offense (UK)

Hehe true.

there are thousands of posts. You simply cannot check. And in any case, it's a joke. It will be funny even the thousandth time !!