Team-BHP (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/)

-   Et Cetera (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/)

-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-411.html)

If Nano is LOL (lol:) then new car of bajaj RE60 is ROFL (rl:).


Disclaimer: No offense meant to anybody. And this can not be 'CONDORED'.

Cheers!
Irish

Although it can not be enjoyed after translation but here is the English Version:

If Amitabh Bachchan was a Software Engineer:

- "This is offshore development center and not your home. Go back and get your access card."

- "I still do not debug others code. Give me a fresh code to write."

- "Yes, I will fix that bug but get the sign of that Peer Reviewer who peer reviewed this code; get the sign of that tester, who said "this code is working fine"; Get the sign of that client who said "Good Work Sweetie!"; After that my brother, I will fix any bug as you want me to fix."

- "Client, are you happy"

- "Mr Client, You don't know business. Had you given me 5 lakhs less for this project, I would have still executed it."

- "Uff, your comments, your coding style. These are of no use as these can not even pass the first onsite review?"

- "Hey, you keep demanding increment"

- "8 years of Java experience and this much nervous?"


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The guy is wearing a soap cake named "Ghadi" (Watch/Clock) in place of wrist watch.



Cheers!
Irish :)

OK, You have been named as the official in-house Condoring expert!:D

Wanna watch star plus?
Here: *+

Cricketers mindset: "DO Vs DIE" ..

Ganguly: Do or die.

Sehwag: Do before you die.

Dravid: DO until they die.

Tendulkar: do that will never die...

Laxman: Do when everyone else die.

Yuvraj: Do, die, reborn, do, die, reborn (repeat)....

Dhoni: Do everything before luck die.

I had read it as

Tendulkar: Do not die until you do :D

Killer!!
this is the joke of the Century!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh,wait, no .............:D

This one is by far the best and the most true.

Fast bowlers around the world run 40 yards, throw the ball with all their might, send it flying at 150 km/hr and Dravid defends with such precision that the ball will drop dead right at his feet.

You never know , this might actually happen in future :D

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW, BUT AREN'T

10. Have you looked through her briefs.
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, he better be good.
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't

1. Think you can get me off?

QUESTIONS YOU JUST CAN'T ANSWER

1. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
2. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
3. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
4. Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
5. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
6. What is the speed of darkness?
7. Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
8. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
9. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
10. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder........

1. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
2. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
3. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
4. Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
5. Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
7. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
8. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
9. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
10. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Mind IT!

A book on Rajini Sir:



PS: No offense meant to anybody.

Cheers!
Irish :)

your wish is granted. These are some examples of questions put & answers provided by "Successful" candidates in civil service interviews.:D

Found these diseases (Inspired by Bollywood songs) in a mail so posting it here:



Mods: Apologies as I can not translate the bollywood movies songs in English. Please remove this post, if it is not allowed here.

Dieseases as per Bollywood Songs

• Jiya Jale Jaan Jale - Fever
• Tadap Tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi - Heart Attack
• Juda ho ke bhi tu mujh meein kahi baaki hai - Stomach Upset
• Beedi jalai le jigar se piya, jigar ma bahut aag hai - Acidity
• Tujh mein rabb dikhta hai, main kya karu - Cataract
• Tujhe yaad na meri aayi, kisi se ab kya kehna - Memory Loss
• Mann doley, mera tann doley - Epilepsy

Cheers!
Irish :)

POINTED REPLIES ... Three moments in time ...... WHEN YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP

Take 1:

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting at Ahmedabad in English.
The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati. We will hear you only if you speak in Gujarati."
Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw stopped. Swept the audience with a hard stare and replied, "Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career.
I have learned Punjabi from men of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the men Of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers, Hindi from the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment. Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."

............ You could have heard a pin drop

Take 2:

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France In the early 60's when Charles De Gaulle, the French President, decided to pull out of NATO.
De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France As soon as possible.
Rusk responded "does that include the 180,000 who are buried here ?"
De Gaulle could not respond.

............ You could have heard a pin drop

Take 3:

Robert Whiting, an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur ?" The Customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously." Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports On arrival in France !" the Customs officer sneered.
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long, hard look.
Then he quietly explained ... " Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach, at 4:40am, on D-Day in 1944, to help liberate your country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to. ... "

............ You could have heard a pin drop