The Official Joke thread

SunnyBoi · 16th August 2013, 22:14

Fantastic set of letters

Don't miss Met Office, Virgin and their replies!

http://www.imherhusband.talktalk.net...0homepage.html

carzone · 17th August 2013, 10:35

Once in a soap industry in Japan,
The soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e empty box.

To avoid the problem in the future they purchased X-Ray machine of 60 thousand dollars to check whether soap is Packed in every cover or not in assembly line.

Same problem occurred in India
What did they do?

They simply put a fan beside d assembly line. Empty boxes were flown away!

India.. Jugaad and cost cutting me hum duniya ke baap hai!!

IronH4WK · 25th August 2013, 22:29

Different styles of biking

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Picture courtesy: 9GAG.COM

dZired · 27th August 2013, 01:43

Got this as a whatsapp forward.

The Difference between Normal English and GRE English.

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

************************************************** *******

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

sa_kiran · 28th August 2013, 14:19

A WhatsApp joke.
Considering financial situation, our Stock Exchange has revised the following terms:
BSE:Bombay se exit
NSE: Nation se exit
F/O: Future over
NIFTY: No income for this year
FII: Fraudulent international investors
HNI: Has no idea
PMS: Pre mediated scam
SIP: Suicide by investing patiently
EBITDA: Exit before it tumbles down again.

IronH4WK · 28th August 2013, 15:14

lemme post this before Scorcher does

how the meeting went

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tsk1979 · 28th August 2013, 21:52

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwvaRmOTMhk

sa_kiran · 29th August 2013, 08:05

New word added to English Dictionary
Rupeed (ru-pee-d)-verb: Move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control, from a higher level to a lower level.
Usage in sentence: I tripped and rupeed from the stairs.

mac187 · 29th August 2013, 17:52

Best of Twitter Jokes on Ben Affleck being named as batman.

@DragonflyJonez: Affleck gonna be like "It's the Jokah! Or the Riddlah! Rahbin! Call Commissionah Gahden!"

@sickipediabot: Lets be honest here. If Ben Affleck as Batman ruined your weekend, there wasn't much to ruin in the first place.

@ComedyCentral: Casting Ben Affleck as Batman sounds like something The Joker would do to create a distraction at the nerd bank.

@DepressedDarth: Dear J.J. Abrams, Please make sure Ben Affleck is not in the new Star Wars movie. Sincerely, Everbody.

@meeses: man who directed the latest Oscar winner for Best Picture is going to be directed by the man who did Sucker Punch.

@ChaseMit: In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves.

@wilw: Really looking forward to seeing Affleck bring the depth and gravitas to Batman that he brought to Daredevil and Gigli.

source .

sa_kiran · 29th August 2013, 20:47

In olden days when there were no smartphones, men came to know about autocorrect only when they got married.

khoj · 29th August 2013, 22:04

From the source of the selective tweets posted above, the one that I liked best :

@BRIANMBENDIS: For those wondering why Ben Affleck would agree to be in this movie, I have the answer. my 10-year-old just asked: who's Ben Affleck?

PPS · 29th August 2013, 22:22

Tweet from @coolfunnytshirt:

Whenever we say 'fast' track courts in India, we should also remember that Balaji & Munaf are also called 'fast' bowlers in India!!

cpbopanna · 29th August 2013, 23:32

Closing the Divorce and Alimony case of Santa Singh vs Preeto. Singh...
Judge : I have reviewed this case carefully and have decided to give your wife alimony of Rs 20,000 per month.
Santa: That's very fair, your honor. And whenever possible I'll also try to give her some money myself!! 

abhijeetsng · 31st August 2013, 12:21

Beta - "Mom, Love marriage karne se ghar wale naaraz hote hain kya..?"
.
.
Maa - "Tu zaroor kisi chudail ke chakkar mein hoga, aur ye sab tujhe usi daayan ne kaha hoga....
Ladkiyan to bas ladkon ko phansaane mein hi lagi rehti hain..
Jahan Accha Ladka dekha nahin ki
shuru ho gaye...
Beta in se bach ke rehna.. ye bahut makkaar aur KAMEENI hoti hain, aur inka to khandaan bhi…........"

Beta - "Bas maa, aisa kuch nahi hai,
Wo to Daddy bata rahe the ke Aap Dono ki Love marriage hui thi.."

PS: did not translate in English as the fun of the joke would not be there.

Cheers..!!

searchingheaven · 31st August 2013, 22:44

Saw this one on scoopertino.com. More than a joke, it is a perfect exapmple of what Apple actually does.

16th August 2013, 22:14	#7951
SunnyBoi Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Mysore / B'lore Posts: 1,581 Thanked: 3,085 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Fantastic set of letters Don't miss Met Office, Virgin and their replies! http://www.imherhusband.talktalk.net...0homepage.html

17th August 2013, 10:35	#7952
carzone BHPian Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Mumbai Posts: 567 Thanked: 263 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Once in a soap industry in Japan, The soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e empty box. To avoid the problem in the future they purchased X-Ray machine of 60 thousand dollars to check whether soap is Packed in every cover or not in assembly line. Same problem occurred in India What did they do? They simply put a fan beside d assembly line. Empty boxes were flown away! India.. Jugaad and cost cutting me hum duniya ke baap hai!!

25th August 2013, 22:29	#7953
IronH4WK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 3,468 Thanked: 4,104 Times	Different styles of biking Picture courtesy: 9GAG.COM Last edited by IronH4WK : 25th August 2013 at 22:35.

28th August 2013, 14:19	#7955
sa_kiran BHPian Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Thane Posts: 514 Thanked: 163 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A WhatsApp joke. Considering financial situation, our Stock Exchange has revised the following terms: BSE:Bombay se exit NSE: Nation se exit F/O: Future over NIFTY: No income for this year FII: Fraudulent international investors HNI: Has no idea PMS: Pre mediated scam SIP: Suicide by investing patiently EBITDA: Exit before it tumbles down again.

28th August 2013, 15:14	#7956
IronH4WK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 3,468 Thanked: 4,104 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread lemme post this before Scorcher does how the meeting went

27th August 2013, 01:43	#7954
dZired Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,844 Thanked: 7,837 Times View My Garage	Got this as a whatsapp forward. The Difference between Normal English and GRE English. A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles. ************************************************ * NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold. GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude. ********************************************** *** NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation. ********************************************** * NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow. ********************************************** *** NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire! GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

29th August 2013, 08:05	#7958
sa_kiran BHPian Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Thane Posts: 514 Thanked: 163 Times	New word added to English Dictionary Rupeed (ru-pee-d)-verb: Move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control, from a higher level to a lower level. Usage in sentence: I tripped and rupeed from the stairs.

29th August 2013, 17:52	#7959
mac187 BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Singapore Posts: 636 Thanked: 581 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Best of Twitter Jokes on Ben Affleck being named as batman. @DragonflyJonez: Affleck gonna be like "It's the Jokah! Or the Riddlah! Rahbin! Call Commissionah Gahden!" @sickipediabot: Lets be honest here. If Ben Affleck as Batman ruined your weekend, there wasn't much to ruin in the first place. @ComedyCentral: Casting Ben Affleck as Batman sounds like something The Joker would do to create a distraction at the nerd bank. @DepressedDarth: Dear J.J. Abrams, Please make sure Ben Affleck is not in the new Star Wars movie. Sincerely, Everbody. @meeses: man who directed the latest Oscar winner for Best Picture is going to be directed by the man who did Sucker Punch. @ChaseMit: In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves. @wilw: Really looking forward to seeing Affleck bring the depth and gravitas to Batman that he brought to Daredevil and Gigli. source .

29th August 2013, 20:47	#7960
sa_kiran BHPian Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Thane Posts: 514 Thanked: 163 Times	In olden days when there were no smartphones, men came to know about autocorrect only when they got married.

29th August 2013, 22:04	#7961
khoj Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Dilli Posts: 2,718 Thanked: 1,274 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread From the source of the selective tweets posted above, the one that I liked best : @BRIANMBENDIS: For those wondering why Ben Affleck would agree to be in this movie, I have the answer. my 10-year-old just asked: who's Ben Affleck?

29th August 2013, 22:22	#7962
PPS Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: mumbai Posts: 2,340 Thanked: 3,169 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Tweet from @coolfunnytshirt: Whenever we say 'fast' track courts in India, we should also remember that Balaji & Munaf are also called 'fast' bowlers in India!! Last edited by PPS : 29th August 2013 at 22:24.

29th August 2013, 23:32	#7963
cpbopanna BHPian Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 580 Thanked: 851 Times	Closing the Divorce and Alimony case of Santa Singh vs Preeto. Singh... Judge : I have reviewed this case carefully and have decided to give your wife alimony of Rs 20,000 per month. Santa: That's very fair, your honor. And whenever possible I'll also try to give her some money myself!! 

31st August 2013, 12:21	#7964
abhijeetsng BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: New Delhi Posts: 340 Thanked: 153 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Beta - "Mom, Love marriage karne se ghar wale naaraz hote hain kya..?" . . Maa - "Tu zaroor kisi chudail ke chakkar mein hoga, aur ye sab tujhe usi daayan ne kaha hoga.... Ladkiyan to bas ladkon ko phansaane mein hi lagi rehti hain.. Jahan Accha Ladka dekha nahin ki shuru ho gaye... Beta in se bach ke rehna.. ye bahut makkaar aur KAMEENI hoti hain, aur inka to khandaan bhi…........" Beta - "Bas maa, aisa kuch nahi hai, Wo to Daddy bata rahe the ke Aap Dono ki Love marriage hui thi.." PS: did not translate in English as the fun of the joke would not be there. Cheers..!!

31st August 2013, 22:44	#7965
searchingheaven BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: KDCA-KDFW-VOBL Posts: 323 Thanked: 1,416 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Saw this one on scoopertino.com. More than a joke, it is a perfect exapmple of what Apple actually does.

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