Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread
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I just saw VW Jetta ad yesterday and at first felt appalled that they had the gall to advertise after the recent scandal. Then I couldnt stop laughing after seeing the comic side of things.

The Official Joke thread-volkswagenjettatvc.jpg

Hint : Chameleon:uncontrol
Boy, VW you should know how to change colours at the blink of an eye.

This one came via WhatsApp!

Here's another one I found today

Meanwhile from Facebook !!!

https://www.facebook.com/HellaflushR...2386932544314/ :uncontrol

lol and guess what, they're both worth the same! (Why? Because who knows what other things they're cheating people about. )

The Official Joke thread-fb_img_1443240117617.jpg

Source

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.*

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.*

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.*

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.*

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label; "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner", on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.*

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.*

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.*

I can hear your groans from here.*
Control yourself !!!*

I don't write this stuff, I just post it...*

Source: FB

This hilarious article was written by an Expert from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad.

Driving in India For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road?

The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,
often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.

This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.

This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.*
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!? ?

The other day, I was browsing TBHP using my mobile browser, and had opened my user profile to look for a particular post I made. The user profile page has the following bar with 2 links. I accidentally hit the one titled 'Add arunphilip (i.e. myself) to your ignore list' because I'm ham-handed when it comes to browsing on a mobile.
The Official Joke thread-userprofile.jpg

I was amused to see the forum software throw up this error:
The Official Joke thread-ignore.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by anand_lukose (Post 3816506)
Meanwhile from Facebook !!!

https://www.facebook.com/HellaflushR...2386932544314/ :uncontrol

Funnily, the car in that video is an Alfa Romeo 156 :uncontrol

Quote:

Originally Posted by anand_lukose (Post 3816506)
Meanwhile from Facebook !!!

https://www.facebook.com/HellaflushR...2386932544314/ :uncontrol

OMG - This should have a NSFW warning. I'm rolling on the floor. Others around me (who couldn't see the video) started laughing just hearing the laughter in the video.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerrycan (Post 3819524)
I don't write this stuff, I just post it...*

rl: rl:

Quote:

Originally Posted by arunphilip (Post 3819846)
I was amused to see the forum software throw up this error:

Here's another one after a goofy thread merge command:

Quote:

vBulletin Tip #42: Not much would be accomplished by merging this item with itself.

An Irish Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.*
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other... 'Look Paddy......there's that cheeky idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'

VW have announced a solution to their emissions problem, that will not impact owners, or require them to bring in their cars for a recall. Technical details are still sketchy, but initial reports indicate that they will be installing a software update on the emission testing machines.

A spokesperson for VW was quoted as saying: "Bearing in mind our customer-first and customer-centric policy, our technical boffins have identified an approach that avoids millions of cars being brought in. Instead, we will perform a software update on the few hundreds/thousands of the emission testing machines. This will allow customers to drive with the confidence that their cars will pass EPA tests and on-the-road tests."

Problem?
Quote:

Originally Posted by FORTified (Post 3820522)
On the walls of Hennur underpass, towards Manyata, I noticed skid marks.

Did any of you noticed as well?

Solved!
The Official Joke thread-800pxtumbler_in_toronto.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by arunphilip (Post 3820908)
Problem?





Solved!
Attachment 1424713


That's not a skid mark on the wall - that's on the windshield lol:


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