The Official Joke thread

irfanmon · 16th February 2008, 16:35

This came in my mailbox today. Funny!

A corrupt minister used to write 'NOT APPROVED' on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants, He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED.

When the affected persons suitable greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an 'E:' after NOT so that it became 'NOTE: APPROVED'.

This was the beginning of eBusiness in India!

druva · 19th February 2008, 11:42

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

druva · 19th February 2008, 11:54

Barack Obama is now considered the front-runner.
You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman.
Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.

- Jay Leno

theMAG · 19th February 2008, 15:12

praJEEP · 19th February 2008, 15:17

Great 20 toes story mag, i wonder where did you find this??

Hillarious

binz · 19th February 2008, 15:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by praJEEP

Great 20feet story mag, i wonder where did you find this??

Hillarious

20 toes man!20 feet is something else

car_crazy1400 · 21st February 2008, 08:17

A very nice (infact too good) take off on Taare Zamen Par song Maa.

Please do reply your reaction to this

Sabhi Bewdon ko samarpit...

Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin
Bar mein daily jaata Hoon Main Maa...

Yun To Main,Dikhlata Nahin
Daru peekar roz aata hun Main Maa....

Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Hain Na Maa...
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa...

Theke pe Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe,
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Main Maa...

Pauaa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujko Tu,
Ghar bhi bhool jaun main Maa...

Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa...
Kya Itna Bura...Meri Maa..

Daru main itna peeta nahi,
Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa

Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin
Lekin main ludak jaata Hoon Maa

Tujhe Sab Hai Pata...Hai Naa Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa...

I mailed it to a friend & he fell off his chair, Laughing!!

I personally think its too funny & can't help but laughing, every time I read this.

Technocrat · 21st February 2008, 09:09

too good man Awesome

ajmat · 22nd February 2008, 21:43

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR ...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires !

n_aditya · 22nd February 2008, 21:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajmat

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires !

Hilarious Ajmat. Climbing back onto my chair.

Nitin · 22nd February 2008, 22:55

hahaa..superb stuff!
I'm at work now. I wouldn't be surprised if someone calls Security,and has me thrown out of the office,for the way I'm laughing & holding my stomach.

ajmat · 23rd February 2008, 09:30

gowda79 · 23rd February 2008, 10:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajmat

Ajmat bhai why ru spreading these kind of things where it is offensive in ur attachment i think this is obstructive and as a TBHP moderator i think u should also read the rules of TBHP and remove this attachment from this Thread - Thank U

Worst Enemy - Tamil Nadu

We are all one and we let everyone to be in our state and we are all Indians and we do not restrict anyone in our state or city

MADMAX111 · 23rd February 2008, 10:26

Sorry, Formatting Error. Mods pl delete the earlier same post.
So Here is some food for thought....

IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

*Bonus Question*: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that virtually all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Julia during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Julia kept shouting "Oh my God I'm coming! ."

This student was awarded the only "A".

normally_crazy · 23rd February 2008, 10:30

Gowda79,

I think you missed the fact that this is posted in the JOKE thread. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, we don't have the right to laugh at others. Thats my opinion though.

19th February 2008, 11:42	#2477
druva BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Chennai Posts: 313 Thanked: 37 Times	Wrong Way As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

19th February 2008, 11:54	#2478
druva BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Chennai Posts: 313 Thanked: 37 Times	couldnt resist this one Barack Obama is now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her. - Jay Leno

19th February 2008, 15:17	#2480
praJEEP BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 537 Thanked: 8 Times	Great 20 toes story mag, i wonder where did you find this?? Hillarious Last edited by praJEEP : 19th February 2008 at 15:25. Reason: corrected binz thanks

21st February 2008, 08:17	#2482
car_crazy1400 BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: DL/UP16/PB10 Posts: 647 Thanked: 330 Times	Bewde Zameen Par A very nice (infact too good) take off on Taare Zamen Par song Maa. Please do reply your reaction to this Sabhi Bewdon ko samarpit... Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin Bar mein daily jaata Hoon Main Maa... Yun To Main,Dikhlata Nahin Daru peekar roz aata hun Main Maa.... Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Hain Na Maa... Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa... Theke pe Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe, Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Main Maa... Pauaa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujko Tu, Ghar bhi bhool jaun main Maa... Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa... Kya Itna Bura...Meri Maa.. Daru main itna peeta nahi, Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin Lekin main ludak jaata Hoon Maa Tujhe Sab Hai Pata...Hai Naa Maa Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa... I mailed it to a friend & he fell off his chair, Laughing!! I personally think its too funny & can't help but laughing, every time I read this.

23rd February 2008, 10:26	#2489
MADMAX111 BHPian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: New Delhi Posts: 191 Thanked: 109 Times	Is Hell Exothermic Or Endothermic Sorry, Formatting Error. Mods pl delete the earlier same post. So Here is some food for thought.... IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that virtually all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Julia during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Julia kept shouting "Oh my God I'm coming! ." This student was awarded the only "A".

16th February 2008, 16:35	#2476
irfanmon BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Gods own country Posts: 37 Thanked: 0 Times	This came in my mailbox today. Funny! A corrupt minister used to write 'NOT APPROVED' on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants, He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED. When the affected persons suitable greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an 'E:' after NOT so that it became 'NOTE: APPROVED'. This was the beginning of eBusiness in India!

19th February 2008, 15:12	#2479
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,217 Thanked: 1,807 Times View My Garage

21st February 2008, 09:09	#2483
Technocrat Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: GTA Posts: 14,813 Thanked: 2,700 Times	too good man Awesome

22nd February 2008, 21:43	#2484
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 14,858 Thanked: 27,925 Times View My Garage	IF MY BODY WERE A CAR ... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires !

22nd February 2008, 22:55	#2486
Nitin Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 3,294 Thanked: 20 Times View My Garage	hahaa..superb stuff! I'm at work now. I wouldn't be surprised if someone calls Security,and has me thrown out of the office,for the way I'm laughing & holding my stomach.

23rd February 2008, 09:30	#2487
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 14,858 Thanked: 27,925 Times View My Garage

23rd February 2008, 10:30	#2490
normally_crazy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 4,369 Thanked: 528 Times View My Garage	Gowda79, I think you missed the fact that this is posted in the JOKE thread. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, we don't have the right to laugh at others. Thats my opinion though.