The Official Joke thread

BenjiRoss · 25th February 2010, 18:52

Caught this while surfing the News section on google.
Under the ENTERTAINMENT section:
BJP demands parliamentary probe on price rise

So now Politics is officially entertainment!

The Official Joke thread-entertainmentnewsgoogle3.jpg

bnzjon · 26th February 2010, 00:47

200 Runs/ 147Balls / 25X4 / 3X6

Agree you have done GREAT…………..

BUT BUT BUT BUT

25 x 4s = 100
3 x 6s = 18

IT implies that you have done 118 Runs in 28 Balls.

And 12 x 2s = 24
58 x 1s = 58

It means you have done all 200 Runs in only 98 balls

So you have wasted 147-98 = 49 balls

Considering only 1 run scored on each of these balls you could have earned 49 valuable RUNS FOR OUR TEAM

MANAGER’S COMMENT:
So you only met the expectations and NOT EXCEEDING (though anyone of our team could not do it) and your rating is 3

bnzjon · 26th February 2010, 09:37

Workers play Soccer
Managers play Tennis
Top bosses play Snooker
CEOs play Golf

Moral of the story : Higher you go, your balls become Smaller !

Latheesh · 26th February 2010, 09:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by bnzjon

MANAGER’S COMMENT:
So you only met the expectations and NOT EXCEEDING (though anyone of our team could not do it) and your rating is 3

Do you work for an IT Co.?

bnzjon · 26th February 2010, 09:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Latheesh

Do you work for an IT Co.?

I am a Banker. I could relate this very much as we have very similar appraisal systems that exist in IT companies.

sandeep1025 · 27th February 2010, 01:27

Hey , guys I have just finished reading this whole thread,it took more than two weeks to reach here,
Cheers Guys
You Rock

hyd_traveller · 1st March 2010, 18:14

The economy is so bad that ...

-I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

-I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

-CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

-If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

-Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

-McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

-Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

-Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

-Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

-The Mafia is laying off judges.

-Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

-Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

-And, finally ...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!

amohit · 1st March 2010, 21:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by hyd_traveller

Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

I actually do that

. 3 weeks vacation out of which I will work from home remotely for 1 week

Regards,

Spitfire · 4th March 2010, 13:10

What is the email id of Rajnikant?

Guess..

gmail@rajnikant.com

adits · 4th March 2010, 16:14

With due apologies for the stereotyping and to the fairer sex as a whole
----------------------------------------

North indian Girl Vs South Indian Girl [FONT=&quot]

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE***********

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to " walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"

13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE***********

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.

11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.

14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

17. She is more educated than you.

18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you..

[/FONT]

kaushik_s · 4th March 2010, 16:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

What is the email id of Rajnikant?

Guess..

gmail@rajnikant.com

That one is amazing, had a good laugh..

addyhemmige · 4th March 2010, 17:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by hyd_traveller

.......I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

What is the email id of Rajnikant?

Guess..

gmail@rajnikant.com

, These two really take the cake. Awesome thread guys. Keep 'em coming!!!!

shailu · 5th March 2010, 17:19

Five rulez for men to follow for a happy life..

It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, Cleanes up & has a job
It's important to have a woman , who can make you laugh
It's important to have a women ,who you can trust and doesn't lie to you
It's important to have a women , who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

And last but not the least..

5. It's very very important that these four woman do not know each other

Signed,

Tiger Woods

vamsi.kona · 5th March 2010, 19:03

Breaking News

Major Power failure in Pakistan. Scores of shoppers stranded on escalators in Malls.

vamsi.kona · 5th March 2010, 19:49

Wife - Darling I want something that can do 0-100 in 4 secs for my B'day as Gift
Hubby - Anything for you honey

Wife is happy and starts dreaming of her machine

The Official Joke thread-securedownload.jpg

On her B'Day

Hubby - Happy B'day honey
Wife - Thank you. Do I get my gift
Hubby - Sure

And hands her this

25th February 2010, 18:52	#3976
BenjiRoss Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Tamilnadu Posts: 1,070 Thanked: 1,335 Times	Caught this while surfing the News section on google. Under the ENTERTAINMENT section: BJP demands parliamentary probe on price rise So now Politics is officially entertainment! Last edited by BenjiRoss : 25th February 2010 at 18:53.

26th February 2010, 00:47	#3977
bnzjon BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dubai Posts: 836 Thanked: 127 Times View My Garage	Bucket :- Sachin's Appraisal Rating ;) funny indeed.. 200 Runs/ 147Balls / 25X4 / 3X6 Agree you have done GREAT………….. BUT BUT BUT BUT 25 x 4s = 100 3 x 6s = 18 IT implies that you have done 118 Runs in 28 Balls. And 12 x 2s = 24 58 x 1s = 58 It means you have done all 200 Runs in only 98 balls So you have wasted 147-98 = 49 balls Considering only 1 run scored on each of these balls you could have earned 49 valuable RUNS FOR OUR TEAM MANAGER’S COMMENT: So you only met the expectations and NOT EXCEEDING (though anyone of our team could not do it) and your rating is 3

4th March 2010, 16:14	#3985
adits BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Mumbai Posts: 177 Thanked: 25 Times	North Indian Wife Vs South Indian Wife With due apologies for the stereotyping and to the fairer sex as a whole ---------------------------------------- North indian Girl Vs South Indian Girl [FONT=&quot] ****WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE******* 1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age. 2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her. 3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry. 4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder. 5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill. 6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair. 7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself. 8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her. 9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you. 10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to " walk out" 11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town. 12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you" 13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson. **WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE********* 1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University . 2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..." 3. She shudders if you use four letter words. 4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.) 5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative. 6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower. 7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra) 8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself. 9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet. 10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive. 11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth. 12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation') 13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie. 14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on. 15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it .. 16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers. 17. She is more educated than you. 18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.. [/FONT]

5th March 2010, 17:19	#3988
shailu BHPian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: coimbatore Posts: 122 Thanked: 21 Times	Five rulez for men Five rulez for men to follow for a happy life.. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, Cleanes up & has a job It's important to have a woman , who can make you laugh It's important to have a women ,who you can trust and doesn't lie to you It's important to have a women , who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. And last but not the least.. 5. It's very very important that these four woman do not know each other Signed, Tiger Woods

5th March 2010, 19:49	#3990
vamsi.kona BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 280 Thanked: 573 Times	0-100 in 4 secs Wife - Darling I want something that can do 0-100 in 4 secs for my B'day as Gift Hubby - Anything for you honey Wife is happy and starts dreaming of her machine On her B'Day Hubby - Happy B'day honey Wife - Thank you. Do I get my gift Hubby - Sure And hands her this

26th February 2010, 09:37	#3978
bnzjon BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dubai Posts: 836 Thanked: 127 Times View My Garage	Workers play Soccer Managers play Tennis Top bosses play Snooker CEOs play Golf Moral of the story : Higher you go, your balls become Smaller !

27th February 2010, 01:27	#3981
sandeep1025 Newbie Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Pune Posts: 12 Thanked: 0 Times	Hey , guys I have just finished reading this whole thread,it took more than two weeks to reach here, Cheers Guys You Rock

1st March 2010, 18:14	#3982
hyd_traveller BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: "Luck-City", TS Posts: 748 Thanked: 398 Times	The economy is so bad that ... -I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. -I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" -CEO's are now playing miniature golf. -If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. -Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. -McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. -Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. -A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. -Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting. -Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. -The Mafia is laying off judges. -Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. -Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! -And, finally ... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!

4th March 2010, 13:10	#3984
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,313 Thanked: 778 Times	What is the email id of Rajnikant? Guess.. gmail@rajnikant.com

5th March 2010, 19:03	#3989
vamsi.kona BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 280 Thanked: 573 Times	Breaking News Major Power failure in Pakistan. Scores of shoppers stranded on escalators in Malls.