The Official Joke thread

Sam Kapasi · 20th June 2009, 18:08

Just happened to cross this corner where two posters were coincidentally next to each other and both the heroes were standing in similar positions.

I found it hilarious.

P.S. No offence to fans of Wolverine. Or International Don.

V-16 · 20th June 2009, 19:03

Famous Quotes:

"Ek toh aajkal acchee maid nahi milti hai aur phir aap log aisa kar dete ho.."

Mrs. Shiney Ahuja.

sammyboy · 21st June 2009, 01:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Just happened to cross this corner where two posters were coincidentally next to each other and both the heroes were standing in similar positions.

I found it hilarious.

Attachment 150226

P.S. No offence to fans of Wolverine. Or International Don.

Sam, there is really not too much difference between the two/ was really missing Rajni stunts all through out.

faithless_1984 · 21st June 2009, 04:52

@Dante - Awesome find.
The 40 year old virgin and My big bat greek wedding posters are Hilarious.!!!

Rehaan · 21st June 2009, 17:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Just happened to cross this corner where two posters were coincidentally next to each other and both the heroes were standing in similar positions....

Sam,

LOL. I just saw wolverine and on the way back saw a similar(?) poster for the movie "RUNWAY".

cya
R

speedmiester · 23rd June 2009, 15:16

Blackmailing in Recession:

Employee to Manager: If you do not increase my salary, I will tell everyone that you have increased my salary and no one else's.

safari_lover · 23rd June 2009, 19:32

Got this one as a message:

Q: Why have the maids stopped doing the dishes?
A: Because, they are scared of anything remotely Shin(e)y!

Nitronium · 23rd June 2009, 20:53

How would you ask a bunch of mallu women to smile for the camera?

Ans: Chechis

tortoiseNhare · 25th June 2009, 12:50

GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would
be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

*

GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star

*

GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly
auriferous.

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.

*

GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers

*

GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales

*

GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck

*

GRE STUDENT : A revolving litchi conglomerate accumulates no congeries of
small, green, biophytic plant.

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss

*

GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to
congregate.

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together

*

GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep

*

GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to
rectitude.

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness

*

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk

*

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated
canine with innovative maneuvers.

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks

*

GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap

*

GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses
thereby the optimal cachinnation.

NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best

*

GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

*

GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in
ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!

Sam Kapasi · 25th June 2009, 13:28

Well, I was looking for a nice restaurant recommendation. Birthday and all that.

Guess what I found today...

I mean seriously, LMAO. Your cooking can be bad but is it necessary to behead all cuisines?

neoranjit · 30th June 2009, 22:22

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea).. Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!'

The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'

Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'

Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'

Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'

After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back.
Now what was the question?'

Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'

Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this ... Hold on.'

This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now... These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire...fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell...I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...I am requesting Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birth".

Indians will be Indians...

So this is the story why Indians are re-born!!!!!!!

Eddy · 30th June 2009, 22:26

@neoranjit: Didn't get the humor in that one, sorry

sj_koova · 30th June 2009, 22:41

Not sure if this was posted earlier!

Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.

“ Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife?? ”
“ Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life ” .
“ Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye. ”

St. Peter turns to Francis, “ How many times did you cheat on your wife?? ”
Francis replies, “ I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice. ”
St. Peter says, “ OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here's the keys. Get going! ”
He then looks at Ubaldo, “ And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?? ”
Ubaldo lifts his head high and replies, “ I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time! ”
St Peter replies, “ Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible. Goodbye! ”
Michael and Francis have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend. Ubaldo turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out.

Michael asks, “ Arrre! What's the matter with you? We should be crying. We're stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW!"
Between sobs Ubaldo explains, “ I just saw my wife driving a Nano! ”

darklord · 7th July 2009, 20:25

I think the pic is self-explanatory.

For the non-Mallu friends; the malayalam newspaper says, as you would have guessed it, "Man sets record eating 68 DOGS

" and goes on to explain the finer details of the "Dog-eating contest."

Name: image001.gif
Views: 5839
Size: 95.9 KB

PS: No offense meant to the subscribers of the malayalam newspaper in question or the larger population politically inclined towards it.

I don't even know if this mail is fake.

Revvhead · 7th July 2009, 21:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

Well, I was looking for a nice restaurant recommendation. Birthday and all that.

Guess what I found today...

Attachment 152405
I mean seriously, LMAO. Your cooking can be bad but is it necessary to behead all cuisines?

Not only that but did you note that the cuisines are SEVERED as well ??

20th June 2009, 18:08	#3676
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,935 Thanked: 2,483 Times View My Garage	Funny poster placement Just happened to cross this corner where two posters were coincidentally next to each other and both the heroes were standing in similar positions. I found it hilarious. P.S. No offence to fans of Wolverine. Or International Don.

25th June 2009, 13:28	#3685
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,935 Thanked: 2,483 Times View My Garage	I know cooking can be bad but... Well, I was looking for a nice restaurant recommendation. Birthday and all that. Guess what I found today... I mean seriously, LMAO. Your cooking can be bad but is it necessary to behead all cuisines?

30th June 2009, 22:22	#3686
neoranjit BHPian Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chennai Posts: 588 Thanked: 196 Times View My Garage	Why Indians are re-born The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea).. Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!' The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.' Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?' Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.' Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.' After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now what was the question?' Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?' Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this ... Hold on.' This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now... These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire...fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell...I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...I am requesting Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birth". Indians will be Indians... So this is the story why Indians are re-born!!!!!!!

7th July 2009, 20:25	#3689
darklord BHPian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: TVM (KL-16) Posts: 793 Thanked: 3,458 Times View My Garage	Another of them E-mail forwards I think the pic is self-explanatory. For the non-Mallu friends; the malayalam newspaper says, as you would have guessed it, "Man sets record eating 68 DOGS" and goes on to explain the finer details of the "Dog-eating contest." PS: No offense meant to the subscribers of the malayalam newspaper in question or the larger population politically inclined towards it. I don't even know if this mail is fake.

20th June 2009, 19:03	#3677
V-16 Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2005 Location: mumbai Posts: 4,589 Thanked: 960 Times View My Garage	Famous Quotes: "Ek toh aajkal acchee maid nahi milti hai aur phir aap log aisa kar dete ho.." Mrs. Shiney Ahuja.

21st June 2009, 04:52	#3679
faithless_1984 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Delhi Posts: 1,575 Thanked: 328 Times View My Garage	@Dante - Awesome find. The 40 year old virgin and My big bat greek wedding posters are Hilarious.!!!

23rd June 2009, 15:16	#3681
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,458 Thanked: 7,043 Times	Blackmailing in Recession: Employee to Manager: If you do not increase my salary, I will tell everyone that you have increased my salary and no one else's.

23rd June 2009, 19:32	#3682
safari_lover Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bengaluru / Bagdal Posts: 1,158 Thanked: 787 Times	Got this one as a message: Q: Why have the maids stopped doing the dishes? A: Because, they are scared of anything remotely Shin(e)y!

23rd June 2009, 20:53	#3683
Nitronium BHPian Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 407 Thanked: 94 Times	How would you ask a bunch of mallu women to smile for the camera? Ans: Chechis

25th June 2009, 12:50	#3684
tortoiseNhare BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Guwahati Posts: 536 Thanked: 90 Times	GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles. A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. * GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim. NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star * GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold. * GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers * GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony. NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales * GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity. NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck * GRE STUDENT : A revolving litchi conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant. NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss * GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate. NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together * GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity. NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep * GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude. NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness * GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid. NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk * GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers. NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks * GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation. NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap * GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation. NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best * GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow. NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. * GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration. NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!

30th June 2009, 22:26	#3687
Eddy Team-BHP Support Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Singapore Posts: 9,582 Thanked: 14,602 Times	@neoranjit: Didn't get the humor in that one, sorry

30th June 2009, 22:41	#3688
sj_koova BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 677 Thanked: 625 Times View My Garage	Not sure if this was posted earlier! Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter. “ Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife?? ” “ Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life ” . “ Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye. ” St. Peter turns to Francis, “ How many times did you cheat on your wife?? ” Francis replies, “ I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice. ” St. Peter says, “ OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here's the keys. Get going! ” He then looks at Ubaldo, “ And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?? ” Ubaldo lifts his head high and replies, “ I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time! ” St Peter replies, “ Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible. Goodbye! ” Michael and Francis have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend. Ubaldo turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out. Michael asks, “ Arrre! What's the matter with you? We should be crying. We're stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW!" Between sobs Ubaldo explains, “ I just saw my wife driving a Nano! ”