The Official Joke thread

condor · 29th May 2009, 14:16

Quote:

car_crazy1400

: May Be its a repeat (Preparing to be Condored)

@Car_crazy1400, if you search before you post, you shouldnt get condored.

But :
1. You did do back-to-back posts (even if it was separate jokes)
2. Dont you think your 3rd post here is a very old flavor ?

NetfreakBombay · 31st May 2009, 12:55

I am not sure if this picture belongs to Joke thread or to Whack mods thread. Actually it belongs to both threads

Name: failownedduifail.jpg
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Source : Double Fail FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments

Nikhil8485 · 2nd June 2009, 13:41

i want comments ....

kalpeshc · 2nd June 2009, 14:47

^ One of the best funny things I've read in recent past

prince_pervez · 2nd June 2009, 14:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikhil8485

i want comments ....

Nice!

But, I'm not sure if some of these really, are road signs.

jassi · 2nd June 2009, 14:52

^ yep one of the funniest things ever - a joke on road signs - so very apt for a car forum

Gansan · 2nd June 2009, 15:22

A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet's surgery.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said 'I'm so sorry, your Duck, 'Cuddles' has passed away'.

The distressed owner wailed 'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead' he replied.

'How can you be so sure,' she protested. 'I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything! He might just be in a coma or something'.

The Vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on the table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the Vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog, took it out, and returned a few minutes later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, ' I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck'.

The vet turned to his PC, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the distraught woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill '£150!', she cried, '£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!'

The vet just shrugged, and said ' I'm sorry... If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the LAB report and the CAT scan, it's now £150...'
__________________

TSEA · 2nd June 2009, 19:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikhil8485

i want comments ....

Awesome post Nikhil, just made my Day!

varun911 · 3rd June 2009, 12:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by prince_pervez

Nice!

But, I'm not sure if some of these really, are road signs.

All of these are not road signs. some are sign boards we see at Railway stations and stuff. Just a combination of sign boards from various places put together very well.

Nitronium · 3rd June 2009, 12:36

@ Gansan

That joke actually had me laughing till there were tears in my eyes! ROFL

GSMINC · 3rd June 2009, 13:33

This one came by SMS:

What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 & 68 ?

At 8 - you take her to bed & tell her a story

At 18 - you tell her a story & take her to bed

At 28 - you dont need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38 - she tells you a story & takes you to bed

At 48 - you tell her a story to avoid taking her to bed

At 58 - you stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68 - if you take her to bed, that'll be a story

mobike008 · 3rd June 2009, 16:05

@GSMINC, good one but quite an old one though

hillram · 3rd June 2009, 16:18

The Lab report and Car Scan were hilarious.

GSMINC · 3rd June 2009, 19:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by mobike008

@GSMINC, good one but quite an old one though

As I informed, none of them are my own.

One more: No offence to the more powerful gender of our species

Women's lives are very hard !

MORNING-wash clothes
NOON-dry clothes
EVENING-iron clothes
NIGHT-open clothes
MIDNIGHT-no clothes
EARLY MORNING-search clothes

Once again I say, no offence meant, it is just a joke

Samurai · 3rd June 2009, 19:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by car_crazy1400

May Be its a repeat (Preparing to be Condored)

Patient to Doctor: Doc, I don't have money to pay you, If you do my treatment for free, I'll repay it someday by working for you.

Doc: Ok, What do you do?

Patient: I dig graves!

I have seen this happen in real. About 10 years back I was helping my uncle buy a treadmill. While negotiating the price, the shopkeeper found out my uncle is a doctor.

Shopkeeper: Oh, you are a doc. Fine, I'll give you $100 off. But, when I need a doctor, you gotta give me a free consultation.
Uncle: Sure, that's a deal.

The order went through, payment was done. As we were leaving, the shopkeeper asked...

Shopkeeper: BTW, what is your area of specialty? I need to know when to use your service.
Uncle: Radiation Oncology
Shopkeeper: Er... what does that mean?
Uncle: When people are diagnosed with Cancer, they come to me for treatment.
Shopkeeper:

Arrgghh, I hope I never have to use your help.

31st May 2009, 12:55	#3632
NetfreakBombay Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,452 Thanked: 865 Times	I am not sure if this picture belongs to Joke thread or to Whack mods thread. Actually it belongs to both threads Source : Double Fail FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments

2nd June 2009, 13:41	#3633
Nikhil8485 Newbie Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 6 Thanked: 0 Times	Signs.... i want comments .... Attached Images

2nd June 2009, 15:22	#3637
Gansan Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,350 Thanked: 4,571 Times	LAB report and CAT scan! A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet's surgery. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said 'I'm so sorry, your Duck, 'Cuddles' has passed away'. The distressed owner wailed 'Are you sure?' 'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead' he replied. 'How can you be so sure,' she protested. 'I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything! He might just be in a coma or something'. The Vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on the table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the Vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog, took it out, and returned a few minutes later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, ' I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck'. The vet turned to his PC, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the distraught woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill '£150!', she cried, '£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!' The vet just shrugged, and said ' I'm sorry... If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the LAB report and the CAT scan, it's now £150...' __________________

2nd June 2009, 14:47	#3634
kalpeshc BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 523 Thanked: 135 Times	^ One of the best funny things I've read in recent past

2nd June 2009, 14:52	#3636
jassi BHPian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Melbourne Posts: 980 Thanked: 11 Times View My Garage	^ yep one of the funniest things ever - a joke on road signs - so very apt for a car forum

3rd June 2009, 12:36	#3640
Nitronium BHPian Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 407 Thanked: 93 Times	@ Gansan That joke actually had me laughing till there were tears in my eyes! ROFL

3rd June 2009, 13:33	#3641
GSMINC BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 388 Thanked: 188 Times	This one came by SMS: What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 & 68 ? At 8 - you take her to bed & tell her a story At 18 - you tell her a story & take her to bed At 28 - you dont need to tell her a story to take her to bed At 38 - she tells you a story & takes you to bed At 48 - you tell her a story to avoid taking her to bed At 58 - you stay in bed to avoid her story At 68 - if you take her to bed, that'll be a story

3rd June 2009, 16:05	#3642
mobike008 Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 11,383 Thanked: 12,605 Times View My Garage Infractions: 0/1 (5)	@GSMINC, good one but quite an old one though

3rd June 2009, 16:18	#3643
hillram Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 2,942 Thanked: 1,318 Times View My Garage	The Lab report and Car Scan were hilarious.

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