The Official Joke thread

avishar · 21st May 2009, 00:33

ha ha,i will make that my wallpaper.

varun911 · 21st May 2009, 01:42

A drunk man was walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth.

A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”

The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.”

The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?”

The drunk replied, “Damn, I lost my wife too!”

prince_pervez · 22nd May 2009, 16:57

Prayer from a child!

isldhn · 23rd May 2009, 12:09

The night was young, The moon was high...
We were alone, Just she and I.
??
Her hair was smooth, Her eyes bright blue...
I know just what, She wanted me to do.
??
Her skin was soft, Her legs so fine...
I ran my finger, Down her spine.
??
I don't know how, But I tried my best...
As I placed my hands, On her tender breast.
??]
I remembered my fear, My fast beating heart...
And slowly she spread, Her legs apart.
??
And when I did it, I felt no shame...
I wanted in awe as, The white stuff came.
??
At last it's finished, It's all over now....
My first time ever ....Milking a COW..!!

ash_blore · 23rd May 2009, 12:26

excellent one price_pervez . couldn't stop laughing. God will have to make a lot of clothes to answer that prayer

valhallen.282 · 24th May 2009, 14:38

A rather odd joke i heard a while ago. GUY goes to a mahindra showroom and says i want an outside rearview mirror for Logan. The counter guy promptly hands him one and quotes the price. flabbergasted the guy says: 'aren't you going to even ask me which side?' Counter guy replies: 'right lagao ya left kinetic aur mahindra me koi farak nahin sahib'

Blue_V · 25th May 2009, 11:35

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who
responded: "Rome.. ? Why would anyone want to go there..? It's crowded
and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting
there..?"
"We're taking Continental Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate..!"
"Continental..?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're
always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River
called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in
one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they
bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful... and I
had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no
extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a
Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes
to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his
private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who screwed up your hair?"

jkdas · 26th May 2009, 11:39

Flickr Photo Download: IMG_0505

Picked from Digg

condor · 26th May 2009, 12:47

A PJ I got on sms :

Father : Oye bete, dhoop mein bait kar kya kar raha hai ?
Son : papa, pasina sukha raha hoon !

prince_pervez · 26th May 2009, 13:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

A PJ I got on sms :

Father : Oye bete, dhoop mein bait kar kya kar raha hai ?
Son : papa, pasina sukha raha hoon !

Sheesh!! Big time PJ. 'Son' should be stoned to death for this reply

binz · 26th May 2009, 23:43

Wild one Jk .. loved the pic

vivekiny2k · 27th May 2009, 22:20

ho ho ho. so that's what he has been doing.

Name: hrithik.bmp
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car_crazy1400 · 28th May 2009, 01:20

Got This as an SMS:

A couple is out on a date in a BMW,

Guy: Darling, I have lied to you about some thing...

Gal: What?

Guy: I am already married...!

Gal: Thank God!! For a moment I thought you said that this car is not yours!

car_crazy1400 · 28th May 2009, 01:27

May Be its a repeat (Preparing to be Condored)

Patient to Doctor: Doc, I don't have money to pay you, If you do my treatment for free, I'll repay it someday by working for you.

Doc: Ok, What do you do?

Patient: I dig graves!

car_crazy1400 · 28th May 2009, 01:30

Boy to girl : Marry Me!

Girl : No, I want a responsible man as a husband.

Boy: That's me! Whenever any girl in my neighborhood gets pregnant, they always say, I'm responsible..

21st May 2009, 01:42	#3617
varun911 BHPian Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Birmingham, UK Posts: 63 Thanked: 0 Times	Lost Car A drunk man was walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?” The drunk replied, “Damn, I lost my wife too!”

22nd May 2009, 16:57	#3618
prince_pervez Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Redwood shores, CA, USA Posts: 4,211 Thanked: 53 Times View My Garage	Prayer Prayer from a child! Attached Thumbnails

23rd May 2009, 12:09	#3619
isldhn BHPian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Ludhiana Posts: 285 Thanked: 148 Times	My Very first Time The night was young, The moon was high... We were alone, Just she and I. ?? Her hair was smooth, Her eyes bright blue... I know just what, She wanted me to do. ?? Her skin was soft, Her legs so fine... I ran my finger, Down her spine. ?? I don't know how, But I tried my best... As I placed my hands, On her tender breast. ??] I remembered my fear, My fast beating heart... And slowly she spread, Her legs apart. ?? And when I did it, I felt no shame... I wanted in awe as, The white stuff came. ?? At last it's finished, It's all over now.... My first time ever ....Milking a COW..!! Last edited by isldhn : 23rd May 2009 at 12:15.

25th May 2009, 11:35	#3622
Blue_V BHPian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 173 Thanked: 67 Times	A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome.. ? Why would anyone want to go there..? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there..?" "We're taking Continental Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate..!" "Continental..?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful... and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who screwed up your hair?" Last edited by Rehaan : 25th May 2009 at 13:44. Reason: Please make sure the jokes you post have decent language.

26th May 2009, 11:39	#3623
jkdas Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Thiruvananthapu Posts: 9,685 Thanked: 1,497 Times View My Garage	Flickr Photo Download: IMG_0505 Picked from Digg Attached Thumbnails

21st May 2009, 00:33	#3616
avishar Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: kolkata/bangalore,india Posts: 2,907 Thanked: 4,237 Times	ha ha,i will make that my wallpaper.

23rd May 2009, 12:26	#3620
ash_blore BHPian Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 246 Thanked: 32 Times	excellent one price_pervez . couldn't stop laughing. God will have to make a lot of clothes to answer that prayer

24th May 2009, 14:38	#3621
valhallen.282 BHPian Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 331 Thanked: 196 Times	A rather odd joke i heard a while ago. GUY goes to a mahindra showroom and says i want an outside rearview mirror for Logan. The counter guy promptly hands him one and quotes the price. flabbergasted the guy says: 'aren't you going to even ask me which side?' Counter guy replies: 'right lagao ya left kinetic aur mahindra me koi farak nahin sahib'

26th May 2009, 12:47	#3624
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,240 Thanked: 16,893 Times View My Garage	A PJ I got on sms : Father : Oye bete, dhoop mein bait kar kya kar raha hai ? Son : papa, pasina sukha raha hoon !

26th May 2009, 23:43	#3626
binz Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,306 Thanked: 431 Times View My Garage	Wild one Jk .. loved the pic

27th May 2009, 22:20	#3627
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	ho ho ho. so that's what he has been doing.

28th May 2009, 01:20	#3628
car_crazy1400 BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: DL/UP16/PB10 Posts: 659 Thanked: 353 Times	Got This as an SMS: A couple is out on a date in a BMW, Guy: Darling, I have lied to you about some thing... Gal: What? Guy: I am already married...! Gal: Thank God!! For a moment I thought you said that this car is not yours!

28th May 2009, 01:27	#3629
car_crazy1400 BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: DL/UP16/PB10 Posts: 659 Thanked: 353 Times	May Be its a repeat (Preparing to be Condored) Patient to Doctor: Doc, I don't have money to pay you, If you do my treatment for free, I'll repay it someday by working for you. Doc: Ok, What do you do? Patient: I dig graves!

28th May 2009, 01:30	#3630
car_crazy1400 BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: DL/UP16/PB10 Posts: 659 Thanked: 353 Times	Boy to girl : Marry Me! Girl : No, I want a responsible man as a husband. Boy: That's me! Whenever any girl in my neighborhood gets pregnant, they always say, I'm responsible..