The Official Joke thread

manaa45 · 1st April 2009, 11:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by abhijitaparadh

Had a nice laugh today morning reading this.
Old memories from TBHP

Marketing Head Ferrari

I too had missed this thread completely. Thanks for raking this up. Had a laugh of my life.

Mansi

K a s h · 1st April 2009, 14:49

Discount offered in a super market i frequent.

DriverR · 1st April 2009, 16:57

Man, fantastic discount!

Looks like the effect of the Global Slowdown! Even discounts are slowing down

DriverR · 1st April 2009, 17:00

This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.

7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.

15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

18. Blood flows down one leg and up the the other.

godog · 1st April 2009, 18:19

A market place in Sarita vihar/thereabouts...

Jaguar · 2nd April 2009, 12:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by narayan

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL BY A MALAYALI VILLAGE GUY

Madam:
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Thiruvananthapuram.
...............
Yours and only yours Kutty

Other than the name Kutty and the specific mention of Thiruvananthapuram, I dont see anything malayalee in this. Change these 2 and it could be from any non-English literate person.

NetfreakBombay · 3rd April 2009, 18:53

How to fix parking problems

Name: parking.png
Views: 2074
Size: 66.7 KB

Amazing cartoon from XKCD

godog · 3rd April 2009, 22:59

"Police claim three dozen cheerful bystanders, yet no one claims to have seen who did it."
LOL.

slowdriver · 7th April 2009, 09:40

"I don't think it is a given that it will suddenly be a winning design. You would like to imagine that it would be better than what they were given last year but I think the team at the back of the grid potentially could be Honda."
David Coulthard on Brawn GP before the start of the 2009 season

autosport.com - F1 News: Coulthard warns Button over future

aah78 · 8th April 2009, 04:28

Noticed this in someone's signature on another forum.

Quote:

Sometimes when no one's home I enjoy separating M&M's into color groups and pretending they're little villages of people with their own economic and social problems, and then I try to fix them through free trade agreements and other diplomatic measures.

rjvora_2000 · 8th April 2009, 09:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by K a s h

Discount offered in a super market i frequent.

That's Rs. 1 discount???
They are fooling us or themselves???

diabloo · 11th April 2009, 09:16

You might be Mortar Logistics Engineer. But still you are a ___________

Guess, who are these???

Beverage Dissemination Officer
Color Distribution Technician
Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant
Domestic Technician
Education Center Nourishment Consultant
Highway Environmental Hygienist
Field Nourishment Consultant
Five a Day Collection Operative
Front Line Customer Support Facilitator
Gastronomical Hygiene Technician
Mass Production Engineer
Media Distribution Officer
Mobile Sustenance Facilitator
Mortar Logistics Engineer
Petroleum Transfer Engineer
Recycling Operative
Sanitation Consultant
Coin Facilitation Engineer
Transparency Enhancement Facilitator
(finally one for TBHP) Vehicle Restoration Engineer

Answers: Top 20 jargon-filled job titles

trance_nut · 14th April 2009, 12:32

What is the height of disappointment?
A woman finding out after a long search on the internet that Philip's 21 inch was actually a TV!

BlackPearl · 15th April 2009, 02:23

Has anybody seen this report on Tata Xenon -

Tata launches Xenon XT : Watch Cars

Copied here -

As you feature it, Tata launches the Xenon XT in Mumbai. Unlike the 207 or Tatamobile this newborn Xenon XT is positioned as style SUV not a pick-up. The newborn Xenon XT (Cross Terrain) is a digit equipage var. and crapper comfortably centre 5. Xenon XT also offers 870L of weight bay. Xenon XT is supercharged by the widely acknowledged 2.2 VTT DICOR diesel engine with a extreme noesis of 140 PS and a extreme force of 320 Nm. Xenon XT also comes with an on the control 4WD which lets you to alter to AWD with ease. Tata has crowded Xenon XT with hosts of richness and lavatory features same noesis steering, noesis windows, bicentric locking, HVAC (Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning), electrically adjustable lateral side analyse mirrors and peak adjustable centre belts. Xenon also comes armored with an engine immobiliser, centre track warning & entranceway unstoppered warning, 16 progress impureness wheels and tubeless tyres. solon info are expected
Update: Xenon XT is priced at Rs. 7.62 lacs for the 4×2 edition and Rs. 8.58 lacs for the 4×4 version, ex panopticon Delhi. It comes in 4 captivating specs – White, Black, Silver and Mineral Red. The container carries a warranty of 2 eld or 75000 kms (whichever is earlier) and module be retailed finished 58 Tata Passenger Car dealerships crossways 39 cities to begin with. The Xenon is already existence retailed in the foreign markets of Thailand, Algeria, Italy, Poland, Arabian peninsula and South Africa.

SumitBahl · 15th April 2009, 09:46

Looks like someone is using a content rewriter to create original content.
Content rewriters usually replace words with their synonyms.
Results are usually hilarious.

1st April 2009, 14:49	#3542
K a s h BHPian Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: India Posts: 196 Thanked: 947 Times View My Garage	Discount offered in a super market i frequent. Attached Thumbnails

1st April 2009, 17:00	#3544
DriverR BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 415 Thanked: 526 Times	Science Geniuses This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones. 1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. 2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. 3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. 4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin. 5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. 6. Liter: A nest of young puppies. 7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. 8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. 9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. 10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. 11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects. 12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. 13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. 14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops. 15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. 16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. 17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. 18. Blood flows down one leg and up the the other.

1st April 2009, 18:19	#3545
godog BHPian Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: DL/HR51/UP16 Posts: 137 Thanked: 13 Times	A market place in Sarita vihar/thereabouts... Attached Thumbnails

3rd April 2009, 18:53	#3547
NetfreakBombay Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,481 Thanked: 1,130 Times	How to fix parking problems Amazing cartoon from XKCD

11th April 2009, 09:16	#3552
diabloo BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Bengalooru Posts: 1,480 Thanked: 17 Times	You might be Mortar Logistics Engineer. But still you are a ___________ You might be Mortar Logistics Engineer. But still you are a ___________ Guess, who are these??? Beverage Dissemination Officer Color Distribution Technician Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant Domestic Technician Education Center Nourishment Consultant Highway Environmental Hygienist Field Nourishment Consultant Five a Day Collection Operative Front Line Customer Support Facilitator Gastronomical Hygiene Technician Mass Production Engineer Media Distribution Officer Mobile Sustenance Facilitator Mortar Logistics Engineer Petroleum Transfer Engineer Recycling Operative Sanitation Consultant Coin Facilitation Engineer Transparency Enhancement Facilitator (finally one for TBHP) Vehicle Restoration Engineer Answers: Top 20 jargon-filled job titles

1st April 2009, 16:57	#3543
DriverR BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 415 Thanked: 526 Times	Man, fantastic discount! Looks like the effect of the Global Slowdown! Even discounts are slowing down

3rd April 2009, 22:59	#3548
godog BHPian Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: DL/HR51/UP16 Posts: 137 Thanked: 13 Times	"Police claim three dozen cheerful bystanders, yet no one claims to have seen who did it." LOL.

7th April 2009, 09:40	#3549
slowdriver Newbie Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: india Posts: 19 Thanked: 0 Times	"I don't think it is a given that it will suddenly be a winning design. You would like to imagine that it would be better than what they were given last year but I think the team at the back of the grid potentially could be Honda." David Coulthard on Brawn GP before the start of the 2009 season autosport.com - F1 News: Coulthard warns Button over future

14th April 2009, 12:32	#3553
trance_nut BHPian Join Date: May 2007 Location: Delhi/Noida Posts: 64 Thanked: 54 Times	What is the height of disappointment? A woman finding out after a long search on the internet that Philip's 21 inch was actually a TV!

15th April 2009, 02:23	#3554
BlackPearl Team-BHP Support Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Calcutta/London Posts: 3,665 Thanked: 17,393 Times View My Garage	Has anybody seen this report on Tata Xenon - Tata launches Xenon XT : Watch Cars Copied here - As you feature it, Tata launches the Xenon XT in Mumbai. Unlike the 207 or Tatamobile this newborn Xenon XT is positioned as style SUV not a pick-up. The newborn Xenon XT (Cross Terrain) is a digit equipage var. and crapper comfortably centre 5. Xenon XT also offers 870L of weight bay. Xenon XT is supercharged by the widely acknowledged 2.2 VTT DICOR diesel engine with a extreme noesis of 140 PS and a extreme force of 320 Nm. Xenon XT also comes with an on the control 4WD which lets you to alter to AWD with ease. Tata has crowded Xenon XT with hosts of richness and lavatory features same noesis steering, noesis windows, bicentric locking, HVAC (Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning), electrically adjustable lateral side analyse mirrors and peak adjustable centre belts. Xenon also comes armored with an engine immobiliser, centre track warning & entranceway unstoppered warning, 16 progress impureness wheels and tubeless tyres. solon info are expected Update: Xenon XT is priced at Rs. 7.62 lacs for the 4×2 edition and Rs. 8.58 lacs for the 4×4 version, ex panopticon Delhi. It comes in 4 captivating specs – White, Black, Silver and Mineral Red. The container carries a warranty of 2 eld or 75000 kms (whichever is earlier) and module be retailed finished 58 Tata Passenger Car dealerships crossways 39 cities to begin with. The Xenon is already existence retailed in the foreign markets of Thailand, Algeria, Italy, Poland, Arabian peninsula and South Africa.

15th April 2009, 09:46	#3555
SumitBahl BHPian Join Date: May 2008 Location: Chandigarh Posts: 976 Thanked: 232 Times View My Garage	Looks like someone is using a content rewriter to create original content. Content rewriters usually replace words with their synonyms. Results are usually hilarious.