The Official Joke thread

Spitfire · 15th January 2009, 15:02

THE VILLU STORY:
Vijay's dad was killed by the villain, and his mother needs an operation! So he sells his land for his mother ! Inorder to take revenge, Vijay (Villu) has to go to America to kill the villain, but he has no money, no passport and no visa! So he decides one thing and comes to Chennai !

In Chennai, Villu climbs on top of LIC Building, gets blessings from Godess Kuruvi, and jumps from the top floor!!!
But our Villu stays in air itself in same position! After 12 hrs, the earth rotates and since he is still in the same position, he jumps and lands in America! He kills the villain and returns to Chennai the same way!!!!

PS: Got it as a mail forward is it true?

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 15th January 2009, 21:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

PS: Got it as a mail forward is it true?

What is the question? The story line? Or the news that a film with such a story line is coming out?

(this is the jokes thread, right?)

;-)

ceejay123 · 16th January 2009, 10:50

1. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday

2. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start

3. Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops
by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his
secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating,
"...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I
cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

4. Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't
want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...

5. What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?
The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

6. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four

7. What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
They both have frozen assets

8. Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

9. What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie!

10. For Geography students Only: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer:
About Three Pounds Fifty...

11. Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce.
I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

and finally the Best

12. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it
would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of
the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00
left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would
have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have
nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one
year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for
recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best
current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is
called the 401-Keg Plan.cheers:

Spitfire · 16th January 2009, 11:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaCkSeAtDrIVeR

What is the question? The story line? Or the news that a film with such a story line is coming out?

(this is the jokes thread, right?)

Bingo thats exactly what i was thinking of when posting it. And i am still confused.

Either ways its a joke

hotstuff · 17th January 2009, 17:57

How sad... Team-Bhp is running out of beer money and is selling off it's mascot. The red car on the top of the page ;-)

See this ad from Craigslist:
Skoda red 2005 Company Owned diesel Car for Sale

Just in case the advt is taken off, I have taken a screenshot...

Tejas@perioimpl · 17th January 2009, 19:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotstuff

How sad... Team-Bhp is running out of beer money and is selling off it's mascot. The red car on the top of the page ;-)

See this ad from Craigslist:
Skoda red 2005 Company Owned diesel Car for Sale

Ha ha ha.. good find... so he is selling a red "DIESEL vRS"???

hotstuff · 17th January 2009, 20:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tejas@perioimpl

Ha ha ha.. good find... so he is selling a red "DIESEL vRS"???

Not sure Tejas, he just mentions a Diesel Skoda, not sure about the vRS part. A thought that struck me was that someone from Team-Bhp actually owns the red Skoda that has been used as the mascot right ? If it is that very car that has been put up on sale, then the joke's on me :-)

hotstuff · 17th January 2009, 23:42

Came across this 'Gem' on craigslist... a diamond to be precise. Thank God, I dont qualify for this freebie ;-)

Free Diamond ring

Screenshot, since the advt will probably expire in a while.

Tejas@perioimpl · 18th January 2009, 14:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotstuff

Not sure Tejas, he just mentions a Diesel Skoda, not sure about the vRS part.

I said "DIESEL vRS" cause the ad mentions diesel and the pic is of the vRS. That was the irony in inverted commas! vRS is petrol.

navin · 19th January 2009, 10:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotstuff

Skoda red 2005 Company Owned diesel Car

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotstuff

If it is that very car that has been put up on sale, then the joke's on me :-)

1. The car in the TBHP masthead is not for sale.
2. It does not have a Pioneer stereo
3. The car in the TBHP masthead is a vRS

condor · 19th January 2009, 10:51

4. The car on sale is not owned by TBHP ..

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 19th January 2009, 11:46

5. TBHP is not a company.

On a more serious note, just imagine the plight of the skoda owner who can no longer afford to get a decent snap of his car to put up in the "for sale" pages!!!

Yo!!! guys at Skoda - time to bring down the TCO of Skoda!!!

GTO · 19th January 2009, 12:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by navin

1. The car in the TBHP masthead is not for sale.
2. It does not have a Pioneer stereo
3. The car in the TBHP masthead is a vRS

More than anything, the red RS actually ISN'T RED! The car is Monkey's black RS.....with Rudra's midas touch.

Good find, Hotstuff!

Maverick1977 · 21st January 2009, 00:39

Garfield on Pakis...

kreddy · 21st January 2009, 10:47

Was reading about crash of an aircraft into a river recently because of bird hit in a forum. The discussion was why airplanes ( in this case A320 with 2 engines) cannot have more than 2 engines , say 3 or 4.

Then remembered this classic joke

The captain comes on the intercom and says "This is your captain speaking. We have lost power to one engine but this airplane can still fly on three so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take a bit longer to reach our destination."

Some minutes later:” This is your captain speaking. We have lost power to one more engine but this airplane can still fly on two engines so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take a bit longer than planned to reach our destination."

Some minutes later:” This is your captain speaking again. We have lost power to a third engine but this airplane can still fly on one engine so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take longer to reach our destination and some of you might miss your connecting flights."

A while later ""This is your captain speaking again. We have lost power to the last engine..." An impatient and fed up passenger exclaims "This guy's gonna have us here all day!""

Post EDITED since it contained various [FONT], [COLOR] and [SIZE] tags.
Posting with such text formatting should be avoided on Team-BHP as it is inconvenient for members to read post.
Kindly go through Announcements section before proceeding.

Thanking You for your anticipated co-operation

The Team-BHP Support

15th January 2009, 15:02	#3406
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,313 Thanked: 778 Times	Is this true? THE VILLU STORY: Vijay's dad was killed by the villain, and his mother needs an operation! So he sells his land for his mother ! Inorder to take revenge, Vijay (Villu) has to go to America to kill the villain, but he has no money, no passport and no visa! So he decides one thing and comes to Chennai ! In Chennai, Villu climbs on top of LIC Building, gets blessings from Godess Kuruvi, and jumps from the top floor!!! But our Villu stays in air itself in same position! After 12 hrs, the earth rotates and since he is still in the same position, he jumps and lands in America! He kills the villain and returns to Chennai the same way!!!! PS: Got it as a mail forward is it true? Attached Thumbnails

16th January 2009, 10:50	#3408
ceejay123 BHPian Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 26 Thanked: Once	Financial Meltdown 1. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday 2. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start 3. Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!" 4. Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other... 5. What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's 6. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four 7. What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets 8. Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye. 9. What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie! 10. For Geography students Only: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty... 11. Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife." and finally the Best 12. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.cheers:

17th January 2009, 17:57	#3410
hotstuff BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Campus @ IIMA ! Posts: 368 Thanked: 120 Times	Team-Bhp running short of cash ??? How sad... Team-Bhp is running out of beer money and is selling off it's mascot. The red car on the top of the page ;-) See this ad from Craigslist: Skoda red 2005 Company Owned diesel Car for Sale Just in case the advt is taken off, I have taken a screenshot...

17th January 2009, 23:42	#3413
hotstuff BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Campus @ IIMA ! Posts: 368 Thanked: 120 Times	Another 'Gem' from Craigslist... literally ! Came across this 'Gem' on craigslist... a diamond to be precise. Thank God, I dont qualify for this freebie ;-) Free Diamond ring Screenshot, since the advt will probably expire in a while.

21st January 2009, 00:39	#3419
Maverick1977 BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mumbai Posts: 999 Thanked: 929 Times View My Garage	Garfield on Pakis... Attached Thumbnails

19th January 2009, 10:51	#3416
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,240 Thanked: 16,891 Times View My Garage	4. The car on sale is not owned by TBHP ..

19th January 2009, 11:46	#3417
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,540 Thanked: 758 Times	5. TBHP is not a company. On a more serious note, just imagine the plight of the skoda owner who can no longer afford to get a decent snap of his car to put up in the "for sale" pages!!! Yo!!! guys at Skoda - time to bring down the TCO of Skoda!!!

21st January 2009, 10:47	#3420
kreddy BHPian Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 85 Thanked: 36 Times	Airplane Joke Was reading about crash of an aircraft into a river recently because of bird hit in a forum. The discussion was why airplanes ( in this case A320 with 2 engines) cannot have more than 2 engines , say 3 or 4. Then remembered this classic joke The captain comes on the intercom and says "This is your captain speaking. We have lost power to one engine but this airplane can still fly on three so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take a bit longer to reach our destination." Some minutes later:” This is your captain speaking. We have lost power to one more engine but this airplane can still fly on two engines so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take a bit longer than planned to reach our destination." Some minutes later:” This is your captain speaking again. We have lost power to a third engine but this airplane can still fly on one engine so there is no need for concern, it only means we will take longer to reach our destination and some of you might miss your connecting flights." A while later ""This is your captain speaking again. We have lost power to the last engine..." An impatient and fed up passenger exclaims "This guy's gonna have us here all day!"" Post EDITED since it contained various [FONT], [COLOR] and [SIZE] tags. Posting with such text formatting should be avoided on Team-BHP as it is inconvenient for members to read post. Kindly go through Announcements section before proceeding. Thanking You for your anticipated co-operation The Team-BHP Support Last edited by Jaggu : 21st January 2009 at 10:56. Reason: Font tags