[bblost]

Originally Posted by kvish

Attachment 76713

A big hoarding on airport road.

Sorry But I dont get it.

[greenhorn]

that sort of picture frame is used to put pics of couples

[anjan_c2007]

A Tale of Two Cows!


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.


FRENCH

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

JAPANESE

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.

GERMAN

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

ITALIAN

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS

Not two, you have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN

You have two cows.
You worship them.

BRITISH

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

IRAQI

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AUSTRALIAN

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NEW ZEALAND

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

SOUTH AFRICAN

You have two cows.
Both are stolen.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

THE LATEST ECONOMIC MIRACLE - SUBPRIMING

This is the Magic used by the greedy, unethical and no doubt brilliant business managers and financial wizards in the United States to pull the World Economy crashing down to its knees.
There is no cow involved. It is you who have been milked.
You are now very much aware how you have been screwed and thoroughly enjoyed it!!!

[condor]

anjan_c2007 : A Tale of Two Cows!

@Anjan, I'll keep this short. Search before you post.
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/173432-post854.html

and an extension.
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post475022

[bblost]

Originally Posted by greenhorn

that sort of picture frame is used to put pics of couples

oh now I get it.
Its the Dostana party.

[amitoj]

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps
on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working
to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.

15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message
'404 Not Found,' meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and
subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an
e-mail by mistake.)

18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a
Cube Farm.

[kpbhatt]

Killing English ......

1)Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "


2)Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

3)once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."


4)"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."



5)dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....



6)it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)



7)teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!



8)"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"



9)My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"





10)



"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"



************ ********* ********* ************ *



LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??



************ ********* ********* ********* *****



Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

[vivekiny2k]

Originally Posted by amitoj

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

a useful one, after a long time

[santhosh_kumard]

<LINK> I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. - Beyond.ca - Car Forums </LINK>

absolute hilarity!.

[vinit.merchant]

Originally Posted by santhosh_kumard

<LINK> I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. - Beyond.ca - Car Forums </LINK>

absolute hilarity!.

This is amazing. Ha ha. Shall circulate it to those whom I know keep avoiding the payments of their overdrafts

[lambuhere1]

Just received it

One day, a plain-looking man came with a pretty-looking OL (Office Lady) to the Louis Vuton(LV) store in Causeway Bay ( Hong Kong Island ). He chose an LV bag worth HKD 65,000 for the OL. When it came time to pay, the man took out a chequebook and wrote out a cheque. The salesperson was hesitant because the couple hadn’t shopped there before.
The man discerned what the salesperson was thinking and he said calmly:
“I sense that you are concerned that this cheque may bounce, right?
Today is Saturday and the banks are closed. Let me suggest that I leave the cheque and the handbag here. When the cheque clears on Monday, you can deliver the handbag to this lady. How about that? The salesperson was reassured and gladly accepted the suggestion. In addition, he waived the delivery charges.
He promised that he would personally make sure that this gets done.
On Monday, the salesperson took the cheque to the bank. The cheque bounced!
The irate salesperson called up the client, who told him: “What is the big deal? Neither you nor I have suffered any loss. Last Saturday night, I went to bed with that girl already! Oh, by the way, I thank you for your cooperation.”
This story reveals the nature of the sub-prime mortgage crisis. When people have high hopes for huge future returns, they lower their guard about the potential risks. This pretty girl thought that the HKD 65,000 LV bag was going to come home on Monday, and so she lowered her guard.
Therefore, she believed that her investment in the ONS (one night stand) was worth it even though it was based upon huge and highly uncertain risks.
Investment companies are great with packaging high return (but high
risk) deals. The Chinese (an indian too) stock speculators are like this pretty woman.

As such, they deserve to lose money. Without people like these, how are people going to make money from the stock market? As for the media and the stock analysts, they often play the role of the LV salesperson.

[bhojraj]

Great JOke,

It is really good one Lambuhere1.

Keep it up.,
It releived my stress in the hectic schedule.

[vinit.merchant]

Fantastic reply from a financial person!

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________

Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would
advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me..."

Signed,

J.P. Morgan

[eclectix 1st]

"What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my Cheques is returned stamped "insufficient funds",

I won't know whether That refers to mine or the banks!"
cheers:

[Spitfire]

If you are on an airplane sitting next to someone who is irritating you.

Follow these instructions:
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips as if praying
6. Then run this screen. Click here -> http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf


Got this as a mail forward.